self help thread for those who let "everything get on top of you", procrastination, disorganisation

[anothernotherone]

Is anyone else like this? Can we have a thread full of tips and a place to share our misery?

I'm not self destructive in any major way, but I am in minor ways, especially procrastination.

I have too much going on so somehow I don't do any of it, or flit from task to task in a generally unsatisfactory way.

Usual stuff - as well as 3 school age kids and job (shift work), marriage and house and general life I'm studying for a professional qualification, and doing so badly in a scattered way...

I just am not doing anything properly, and self sabotage terribly.

I leave everything from grocery shopping and tidying up and laundry to filing to booking doctor and dentists appointments to sorting paperwork to studying for exams and writing essays to the last minute. I block things out because I can't think about them, and they build up.

Help! Is anyone else like this? I muddle through and everything works out, grades are ok, kids are ok, I'm never actually late for anything (on time to work, appointments, everything else) it doing tasks I push back til I have far too much to do at once.

It's organisation partly, but also self discipline. I'm my own worst enemy, argh!

Why do I do it? How do I stop? Who else does this? Please join me...

Can totally sympathise with this. I manage to get things done but never seem to get on top of everything if that makes sense. I have so much junk in my house and garage that I need to get rid of but never get around to doing.

I work full time but once my ds is in bed I could easily spend time clearing things out but by that time I can't think of anything is less rather do. So I just veg in front of the tv every night. It there was an extra day in the week that I could dedicate to house work and life admin I would be laughing!!

Me! Right now I should be finishing off my research for an assignment that's due tomorrow, yet here I am...Also need to fit in some revision. 2 kids, job, 4 days at college and trying run a house, isn't an easy task...& im failing miserably, everything gets put off. We're also having some work done on the house so there's dust everywhere

With dentists I try and book the next one in six months when having the apps...then they text you, or would forget. I'm very forgetful though. With shopping, if you do in online once then save the list you can do that again and having it delivered saves time. Sticking load of laundry on first thing keeps it at bay. Not trying to do lots of things at once. I end up skiving and going on MN and having bursts of it. Doing minimum cleaning, lick and polish, daily and getting kids to put clothes in laundry and help with recycling, so have jobs to help perhaps. Oh, GPs appts also online. and prescriptions. Amazon for deliveries also. so less shopping.

I’m fuck all use for advice as I have now single-handedly failed to complete.. erm... four Masters. I could maybe stand as some sort of warning?
The usual. Three kids. FT job. Two dogs. Volunteer habit. Can’t say no. Etc etc.

I’m the same (are you me?).
I use the organised mum method to keep on top of the house.
Wunderlist app for everything else. I have a kids list, shopping list, work list, study list , self care list etc.
I can add things as I think of them and tick them off as I do them.
I need visual prompts and deadlines.
If I know I have to make an appointment I set a time to do it (call hairdresser at 3pm on Thursday). I know it’s coming and I have put time aside.

I’m naturally very disorganised and easily distracted. This helps me.

50shadesofgreyrock you deserve some kind of trophy - here 4 uncompleted masters is really going some!

Purpledawn today I had the day clear to finish an assistant - the due date is two weeks away, but another assignment is due the same day, and I have an exam the day after. I had a really good plan in my calendar involving finishing this assignment just before Easter I have so many good intentions which pave the road to my personal procrastination hell I did a lot of laundry today ... Which I had planned to do last weekend but didn't finish... Then I spent ages looking for a pay slip because we had a mortgage advisor coming over, got into a knot about not remembering where I'd put it and after searching for a while remembered that I haven't received this month's yet but found October 2018s I also spent a long time reading the official requirements for the completion of the entire qualification I'm doing online, which was utterly irrelevant to the assignment in progress, and got distracted reading notes for an exam at the end of May, not relevant to the assignment...

Home77 you're quite right. Sadly I live in the last place in civilization where no supermarket will deliver groceries, and although but you're right with the rest of it. I do usually make the kids' appointments in advance but often cancel my own because I work shifts and only know a month in advance when I'll be working, so whilst I'll request a day free for a child's appointment I'm already a bit of a pain about needing to be able to collect my youngest from after school care, plus I have two set in stone college days per week, and there's only so far you can be fussy about which shifts you work before it's too much...

I should add that it’s taken me twenty years to not finish four... but I don’t think that helps. Considering 5. Possibly.

This is me too!
I hope some comes along and gives ideas on why we do it. I can feel myself getting worse rather than better, and the more lists and self inflicted deadlines I make the more I put them all off and push them back.

At work I always meet my deadlines but leave things until the very last minute and do everything in a rush, I think possibly because I can then blame any mistakes on it being done in a rush.

At home everything is put off that I can get away with, no willpower at all, I hate myself for being like this but can't seem to change! its crazy.

My parents are nothing like me so I don't know why I didn't pick up their good habits.

Placemarking because I used to be really on top of things and want to be reminded of what works.

An assignment not an assistant! Maybe I need an assistant

Oh god, this is definitely me.

I've started using a thing called LifeFyle, which has really helped with remembering things like MOTs, and changing electricity suppliers etc.

It nags me when I don't do what's on my to-do list!

Hang on, let me find the link...

This is it: www.lifefyle.com/

OP, get some counselling, you might be depressed. I am more effective (still far from perfect) than I was before I got help.

Yes, the worlds greatest procrastinator here- could give lessons. I am a terrible day dreamer and can easily block everyday life out.

I'm not lazy, but can find a million and one things to do which don't need doing. At times I just don't know where to start, the size of the task daunts me until I've created a monster I can't tackle. I put things out of my mind then I forget, then it bites me in the arse and I feel like shite.

What helps me is if I break a large task down into small bite size bits, on separate pages of a note book, so I can't see it all together. Then make a list to tick off of tiny easy bits. After each set of tasks give myself a reward e.g a cup of tea, banana, walk round the building.

I also keep an online diary sync'd with my phone, and try to put everything in, with more than 1 set of reminders. So appointments, Birthdays etc. The reminders are if I forget to look, I even have the different bin days in, MOT's etc.

Thanks for the link Sign I'll have a look. I have things in too many places atm, though I have everything on a Google calendar with reminders. With shifts and children of teen, preteen and primary age anything not in the calendar doesn't have a chance. The older kids have google calenders synched to mine. It absolutely helps not to forget things but not with procrastination.

BeanoBrown I'd also like to know why we do it - though I am glad there are lots of us! I do think it's a form of self sabotage due to perhaps a fear of failure and therefore wanting an excuse... I was quite ambitious and academic in my late teens but procrastinated about deciding what to apply for after university and ran away to Japan for a while instead of doing milk rounds or applying for an LLM law masters for non law graduates, or civil service fast track or continuing in academia. I thought about all those things but then spontaneously applied to go to mess about in Japan as an assistant English teacher instead, got a place and wandered off to do that instead of anything more competitive or difficult.

I don't think I'm depressed barryfromclareisfit - I'm generally fairly content I think, except when all the things I've put off become urgent and I get very grumpy indeed, which I need to change as my teen DD yesterday asked me if I'd do something for her and when I said of course, she said "relax, you're getting stressed again" Counselling isn't really an option I don't thinkbecause I don't have time

*after not apply.

Apparently another thing I can't do is proof read

tardyheart your second paragraph is exactly me! My colleague was telling me yesterday exactly what he'd been doing while out of my sight (I'm not his boss - same level) and I said something about how busy he'd been and that he doesn't have to do so much, and he said I'm like a whirlwind and he's always worried that I think he's lazy being a whirlwind isn't always productive though!

Mostly people in similar situations lean more towards ADD/ADHD than depression. With ADD there is usually a lot happening (but the ‘wrong’ things/ distraction/ effort into different areas etc) whereas with depression it’s harder to do anything. Depends how you define ‘procrastination’. If you define it as ‘not achieving x/y’ then depression worth considering. In my head it’s more ‘for some bizarre reason I spent six hours doing x when the deadline for y is at midnight’
A lot of these threads do try to look for an external reason though, and it’s worth considering if ‘something’ is affecting your attention span/ ability to plan.

So why can't I go and do all the things in the house that are stressing me out

waitbutwhy.com/2013/10/why-procrastinators-procrastinate.html

I came across this and found it very interesting. There's three parts, you click through to the next part at the bottom.

I live my life in a constant state of low level stress and panic! Always so many things to do - Work from home but not set hours so able to put it off til a deadline comes up and I'm working til 4am, two DC (4&2), volunteer on the preschool committee... I moan there's never any time but when I do have time (two days a week 9-3) I waste it and never achieve anything. Then I get cross with myself. Wish I could improve as it's me that suffers!

Reading part 2 now Tryingtogetitright "procrastinators love to use unimportant but urgent tasks as an excuse not to do the really important things" - yep, that sounds about right. It was ds's turn to unpack the dishwasher, so why did I "have" to do it before I could start work... Etc

Sometimes doing those kind of tasks can kind of settle you to do with harder mental tasks perhaps, like tidying up?

Why are you all so hard on yourselves, do you think everyone else is leading a perfect life? Everyone muddles through to some degree, it's what life with children is all about.
And ignore the perfect mum at the school gates or on Instagram, you'll see what's really going on as the years pass.

Totally me...
Work full time, single parent to two messy teens, trying to complete a masters.

I like lists. Not always great at following them, but REALLY good at making them.
Maybe I'll try the app.

I've found that I'm pretty productive in the morning. I tend to get up earlier, and do some of more chores then. Like, all my laundry gets done at this time.

If I'm stuck, I like to do a short, concentrated burst of something- like a ten minute/ twenty minute tidy. I involved the kids when they were younger too.

As for study, set yourself a small but important task- like getting your bibliography done, or researching ONE point. Sometimes those are what I need to hook me in.

Over Easter I had huge plans for study but ended up building whole wall bookshelves. Love them, but bloody hell😆

Me! Me!

I’m meant to be either studying or cleaning. Instead I’m on the couch still in my pjs. Ds is napping. I’m meant to be taking advantage of the quiet time. But nope.

Every single time. I do this.

I’m doing it. I’m going to go and do something productive. Right now.