Made a big mess of my life!

[Downabigrabbithole]

I'm thirty so I'm too old for this to be a quarter life crisis and hopefully too young for it to be a mid-lifer (depending on how long I live).

I feel like I have failed in all areas of my life and that I should be much more settled by now. I am not a mum but I'm posting on here in the hope of getting some decent advice.

Some background -

A few years out of a long term relationship - he ended up leaving me for a man! I have dated since then and spent 6 months with someone but it was not healthy - he was quite controlling and had no empathy.

Career has involved various front line jobs in the emergency services. I went back to uni in my mid 20s and graduated with a first in law from a top UK university. Spent some time temping with an international firm and then a smaller regional one. Absolutely hated being stuck in an office filling in forms (mostly conveyancing work).

Decided to take some time out as I was reluctant to invest so much money into the LPC seen as I disliked the work so much.

I had hoped to do some travelling but I have ended up back home caring for an elderly relative and also working through some of my own issues (mostly anxiety type stuff).

Has anyone else felt very lost at this stage in their lives? How did things turn out for you? I feel like such a failure.

I’m lost and having some kind of mid-life crisis (late-30s), I cant offer advice but I wanted to let you know you’re not alone

Thanks Whatisgoingon

It's quite common I think? If it helps, 30 is still pretty young!

I met my exh at 32, had kids at 36 and 38, divorced at 41, got a 1st class honours degree at 47, found my purpose at 46 (related to one of my kids being diagnosed ASD) and am now doing a MA and writing a novel.

Life has all kinds of twists and turns and there have been so many points where I have felt like a failure.

But things really do mostly have a funny way of working out. I am in a low paid job (single parent/2 disabled kids) but I have purpose, dreams, hope, and most of all, I finally really really like myself! (Which is invaluable).

There is plenty of time for everything to work out for you. And if you live your life in a way that is true to you and follow your passions then you will meet interesting, likeminded people.

It doesn't matter whether anyone else thinks your interests and dreams are interesting to them, follow things that make you happy and the rest will fall in place.

(Sorry I can't give more practical advice job wise btw!)

MrsTodds - thank you

That really is quite helpful and reassuring. I have young relatives with ASD and it's so rewarding being able to help them, but it's equally challenging isn't it.

Good luck with your MA and novel.

And I realise that you may feel trapped as a carer, but it won't be forever. I'm so sorry you feel like a failure, but you are intelligent, compassionate and loving (lots of people wouldn't care for an elderly relative) and principled. You sound lovely so hang on to that.

It will get better; life is generally quite tough - we are sold this idea that we are supposed to be, or can make ourselves happy. This is a lie that capitalism is selling us.

Life can be very hard but along the way we stumble across pockets of pure joy and when we do, we grab them and revel in it. And also small spots of joy and happiness like when the sun comes out or the way grass smells when it's been raining or watching your favourite tv show (or in my case watching Avengers Endgame and sobbling like it was Terms of Endearment).

It is mostly the messages that we get from outside and from advertisers that leave us feeling like failures - we are sold an idea of what our lives are supposed to be like. Surprisingly few people's lives actually match up to that though.

It will come to you, I promise