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Original poster

Birthday Cards - do people just not bother any more?

48 replies

CoastalWave · 01/05/2019 22:16

Just wondering if it's that, or it's the fact we are unpopular!

My daughter's birthday was last week. Only turned 4 so little. We couldn't afford a party this year so just had a normal day at school. Not one of my close friends (parents to her friends) even sent her a card. I wasn't expecting presents as we weren't having a party, but I thought they could at least get a card? I've been to over 14 parties since September, and bought a lovely card and present for each child. All friends of my daughter.

Not one card. In total she only got 4 as we have barely any family (so one off us, one of my brother her uncle, one off her grandparents and one off my best friend)

One of her best friends has her birthday party this weekend, and I'm feeling stupidly agrieved about her not buying my child just a card. They're 79p for goodness sake!

To top it off, it was then my birthday a week later, and same thing. Just the same 4 cards.

Together, 2 birthdays, we just about fill the mantlepiece!

maybe i'm old fashioned, but surely people still buy cards for little children? I do. Maybe it's just not the done thing any more.

Tell me to give my head a wobble, but I'm seriously thinking I'm going to have to somehow find the money for a party next year as my daughter was genuinely upset that she had only 4 cards to open!

OP posts:
Tiggles · 01/05/2019 22:28

Honestly? Not even my family bother getting my kids cards, and certainly not their friends parents. Sometimes when we had parties they might get a card and a present, but often just a present.

daffydowndilys · 01/05/2019 22:35

You don't get cards and presents unless you have a party surely.

Apart from close family anyway.

pessimisticstateofperception · 01/05/2019 22:36

The only time I give cards is when we are going to a party or if it's my nieces and nephews. I wouldn't bother with friends kids tbh.

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Events & celebrations
flamed12 · 01/05/2019 22:37

I do not send any cards or any presents unless it’s a party or close family. And I get the same back.

Unihorn · 01/05/2019 22:38

I think it's quite sad. My family and friends are still big into cards, although my children aren't quite school age yet. The MN crew will be out to tell you that YABU but I would be a bit disappointed if my child only got a few cards from friends/family. And I barely acknowledge my own birthday these days, and certainly wouldn't go out and do anything for it. Just seems a bit sad for children.

flamed12 · 01/05/2019 22:39

I think cards are more for the adults. My kids literally couldn’t care less if they got a card or not.

RoseMartha · 01/05/2019 22:45

We still give and receive cards. Kids are generally more interested in presents but I think it is good to sometimes just get a card. It also means that someone has thought about you on your birthday.

MrsToddsShortcut · 01/05/2019 22:46

I think it's sad too, but then when my kids were little, they used to get cards from their cuddly toys! Blush

As far as school friends are concerned, people will generally only get cards/pressies if they have a party.

My son only got cards etc if he had a party. My daughter who has ASD, never went to any parties as not invited, and I couldn't face keeping having parties for her at school, as she couldn't understand why no one ever returned the invite.

What we used to do was hold a small party at home with a few close friends and their kids and do it that way, so she had the excitement and fuss.

Maybe that would work?

BackforGood · 01/05/2019 22:46

It isn't a case of ...'any more'..... people have always taken a card if they get invited to a party or celebration of some kind, but don't go around retaining everybody they know's birthdays in their head.
You are made aware of the child's birthday, by being invited to their birthday celebration.
Same with adults, in truth.
I have only ever bought cards for my own close family (nieces, nephews), and Godchildren, and only ever had cards for my dc from Aunts, Uncles and Grandparents.
Same when I was a child.

Original poster
CoastalWave · 01/05/2019 23:18

Hmm. i 'm talking about close friends of mine, whose children are friends with my child. Only two weeks ago, i took a card and present round for one of the siblings who wasn't having a party...

They definitely knew it was her birthday coming up. Surely you just whip out and buy a card? I just think it's a bit crap they would all be up in arms if I arrived at their child's party without a card and a present?

So basically if you can't afford to host a party, you should expect that your child's birthday gets ignored?

I did say it's not the present, it's just the card that's bothered me.

She's 4. She only got 4 cards and only ONE was non family. Just seems a bit shit to me!

OP posts:
Original poster
CoastalWave · 01/05/2019 23:20

MrsTOdds I think we will have to. She was genuinely quite upset and couldn't understand why the friends she has spent time decorating cards for etc didn't get her one in return.

OP posts:
Bravelurker · 01/05/2019 23:25

That's heartbreaking for a littlelun, omgSad

Miljah · 01/05/2019 23:29

Yes, sadly, it's a thing. My somewhat un-social DS2 turns 18 next week.

His overseas uncle may send a card, but, we are a tiny family (4) , so that will be the only external acknowledgment of this Big Birthday.

🙁

BackforGood · 01/05/2019 23:45

Well, your child's birthday hasn't been ignored. It has been recognised by her family. That is normal.

I can't begin to imagine having to remember dates and organise cards for all my friends dc, let alone once they start school and then add in all the friends they make there - you'd be doing cards every week. Nobody has time for that.

If you choose not to host a party, you can't expect people to bring your dc cards and gifts, no.
The same as amongst my friends, I've got lots of friends turning 50 / having Silver Weddings etc. If I'm invited to some kind of 'do', then social etiquette suggests you take a card and gift along. If the person or couple decide they aren't having a party then I don't go round with a card and gift. In all likelihood I wouldn't remember it was their birthday or anniversary, as they haven't "told me" by inviting me to their 'do'.

You really are over thinking this, and making it into much more of a 'thing' than it need be.
Oh, and it doesn't cost very much to invite 3 friends round for a 'birthday tea' if you are going to measure your dd's happiness by the number of cards she gets.

peanutbutterismydownfall · 02/05/2019 00:06

I've pretty much stopped doing cards as it seems the only person who benefits is companies like Clinton's. It's just a waste. If I was going to spend £1 on a 4yo, I'd be more likely to buy them some sweets or a toy from Poundland than a card. What are they going to do with a card?
I do think it's a generational thing though.
My Gran is 96 and will get dozens of cards each birthday even though ( or perhaps in spite of) all of her friends being dead
My mum is in her 60s and will get around 20 cards each year, some of whom will be from "friends" she hasn't heard from the previous year's card (some of them don't do Christmas cards which seems bizarre given their love of birthday cards)
I'm in my 40s. Will get a card from my parents, DH, 2 x aunts, poss my godmother and may be one from some of my friends if meet up. It is likely to be be one card from the group of them.
DC are at primary. They don't get a card from us or their uncles, they do from their grandparents and great grandparents. They do from people who come to their birthday party and, occasionally, a couple of other people.

SlimGin · 02/05/2019 00:31

I love receiving/giving cards in the post. Something about them is more meaningful than a text, and when I was a child I used to love getting into my parents bed before school on my birthday and open the cards that had come in the post (from family and friends of my parents). They don't need to cost a lot and don't need to benefit the card companies if you make them yourself.

Fr3d · 02/05/2019 00:56

Have you always given cards to all your friends children on their birthdays (even if turning one year old/No party etc)?

I'm not really into cards but a friend is and sends cards to everyone so she gets lots on her birthday. ( That just go in the bin then)

I have never given birthday cards to any of my friends children or children's friends, unless they had a party and my dc went. IMO it's not that you are not popular, it's just not done. I might message my friends for their or their dc's birthday.

I would always get nieces and nephews presents and cards.

Dc is not having a school party this year so I am not expecting any cards from her school friends.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 02/05/2019 05:53

I stopped doing cards except for older relatives in nursing homes. The younger set seems to want Facebook greetings and children rip them open, check for money and toss them out -- often without even reading the card or noticing the signature. It's a waste of money and postage.
Always put a card on a gift if I am going to a party, but otherwise, no.

ExpletiveDelighted · 02/05/2019 06:47

Cards only from close family (grandparents, aunts, uncles), godparents and anyone who comes to a party is the norm here too. I am good friends with a lot of my DCs friends parents (young teens now) and don't think any of us have ever sent a card unless there's been a party. The DCs do send them to friends occasionally of their own accord now and I exchange them with about half a dozen of my oldest friends.

Original poster
CoastalWave · 02/05/2019 14:10

I must be in the minority then.

I have always posted cards for small children (if they live away) or if I know so and so is turning 5 this week will send a card into school. It's just a nice thing to do.

I think that's what I've been somewhat Hmm by the parents of those children simply ignoring my child's birthday. Just seem a bit shit you have to hold a party to get any sort of recognition?

We are actually going to 2 parties this weekend, and I now feel pissed off because neither sent a card to DD and we're expected to turn up with a £10 gift and a card in a nice birthday bag when neither even SAID happy birthday to DD. Makes me want to turn up empty handed !

I'm not bothered really about me. I'm an adult. I'm talking about small children here. It's nice to have balloons and a mantlepiece full of cards . What 4 yr old cares that 23 people have written on my FB wall?!

OP posts:
Original poster
CoastalWave · 02/05/2019 14:12

You're all probably right though. I will just need to hold a party (and spend out £300) in order that she gets fuss on her birthday next year.

I do think it's crap though that we've got to a point in society where ppl need FB to tell them when someone's birthday is who they're friends with. And find it too difficult to mark their best friends' child's birthday on a calendar on the wall.

OP posts:
michaelbaubles · 02/05/2019 14:33

You're begrudging presents and cards when DD didn't get them in return, btu also they've invited her to their party and didn't get invited to hers in return. That's just how it works out.

I never buy cards or presents for DC's friends unless we're going to the party. Nieces and nephews yes of course (but it might be next time we see them, not necessarily on the day).

MrsAmaretto · 02/05/2019 14:54

No cards for my kids school friends unless they are going to the party.

ExpletiveDelighted · 02/05/2019 16:38

People don't generally know when other people's children's birthdays are unless there's a party IME. Especially once they are friends made at school as opposed to people you knew pre-DC or met at ante-natal class or similar.

Redglitter · 02/05/2019 16:45

I only buy cards for my immediate family. I'll send a friend one if it's a big birthday. Otherwise it's a text or fb message