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Increasing unsupportive partner

9 replies

Finaltrimestermummy · 01/05/2019 17:04

Hi all, I would be grateful for any advice.
Baby is due in 9 weeks and for the last few months my partner has been increasingly unsupportive.
He was over the moon to find out he's going to be a daddy after only 5 months of trying. At first he did help me though the sicky phase and since 14 weeks, I have felt pretty amazing to be honest. But unfortunately I have got creeping high blood pressure and a few other pregnancy health problems.
I have pelvic discomfort, suffering wihh water infections, not sleeping at night due to being quite big now and giving off a lot of heat.
For weeks I have been coming home from work and straight into cooking the dinner whilst my parnter sits on his Xbox, gets called down for dinner and moans like a child when I ask for his help to clean up after, then he goes back on the Xbox.
He never once has used the washing machine or ever wondered how his clothes end up back folded in the cupboard, never does household chores and when I ask him I get immense grief. He would rather play on the Xbox or mess about with his car.
We are going to be tighter for money when little one is here of course and I would go without so they had everything they needed. My partner on the other hand would rather spend money on himself and has even thought about buying a new car, which would leave us too tight for money. Not once have I asked for him to help financially but I have brought everything for the baby, if it wasnt for me, this baby would have nothing. He doesn't offer any money to help and spends it on himself. I asked him for a little help last week with something he wanted for the baby, so I picked it up and he argued with me about giving me half the amount which was £30!
He moans about my health problems and says we'll you look fine!! I have been signed off work as sick now as my health problems could cause and early labour. My partner at this point should offer more help. He does not. I still do all house hold chores, cooking, cleaning, food shop etc and he moans and moans and moans of I ask him to help me. Xbox is more appealing or looking at new cars. He has mentioned a few times mayb we should have waited for a baby or you should be with someone who can support you better. He shows little interest in baby movements and moans when I call him and they don't move for him.
These comments are so upsetting. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm going this pregnancy alone with another child (him). His mum has had words, his Nan. I try to talk to him about it but he gets very nasty and makes it all about him. I get that he's probably anxious, so am I, but this lack of any support physically, emotionally and financially is taking its toll and I feel like I would rather do this alone sometimes and I hate him for it.
We used to feel such a great team but at the moment its me and baby.
Sorry for the long comment, it's quite nice to get it all out. Xx

OP posts:
Pringlemunchers · 01/05/2019 17:09

How was he before you were pregnant? Have specifically told him what you need / expect ?

Finaltrimestermummy · 01/05/2019 17:33

Before he was a little more helpful than this but not hugely!
I have told him plenty of times what I need and expect but it ends up in arguments. He just does not get it or won't try to understand x

OP posts:
Sn0tnose · 01/05/2019 18:13

He does get it lovely, because he’s not eight years old, but it sounds like he’s realised that fatherhood means he needs to grow up and he doesn’t want to. Do you have a support network around you?

Have you thought about getting this moved to Relationships.

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Madamedeluxe · 01/05/2019 18:15

He doesn’t sound anxious. He sounds selfish and lazy.

Does he pay his share of the bills? Does he work?

stucknoue · 01/05/2019 18:22

He needs to grow up or your relationship is doomed. Sometimes it takes them to actually see a screaming newborn before they get it, but it seems you have his mum onside which helps

SihtricsHorseWitnere · 01/05/2019 18:39

Surprise, surprise, he was a selfish manchild before you decided to procreate with him! Pulling your weight in life is not 'helping', it's being an adult. He gets it just fine, he just doesn't give a shit because he's selfish and immature.

This will not get better. For now, just STOP doing FA for him. Don't do his laundry. Cook for yourself. Stop shopping for him, get stuff in for you.

He's a twat.

Starlight456 · 01/05/2019 18:46

I made a similar mistake like you . My now ex I expected him to step up to put my Ds first however it never did.

You partner will not pay , do anything other than focus on his x box . These men child’s do not grow up because a baby arrives.

I think you need to have a clear conversation about money . How are you going to cope with your reduced income.

tinytemper66 · 01/05/2019 19:26

He sounds like a twat and I don't usually swear! You will have two children soon of you don't act. Sorry to be blunt.

Finaltrimestermummy · 01/05/2019 21:22

At least I don't feel like I'm going mad. He tells me it's all me and the further on I go the more I nag at him. I just can't do what I used to. I'm 30, own our own home, a Sister at the local hospital and signed off due to my health and not being able to do what I used to. Surely that would be enough to prove to him. He is selfish and self centred and he wanted to be a dad so badly he got emotional everytime we spoke about it. We used to be a good team. I haven't posted to relationships as I don't know how. I just wanted some other Mummy advice, being a first time mummy to be xx

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