What’s the word for someone who TELLS you how you feel?

[Freshlysteamedvajayjay]

I have a work issue at the moment, the person (a similar level colleague) is continually locking heads with me over something that I own and he is trying to overstep and take over. It has been widely acknowledged by senior people that I’m in the right and he’s wrong, but they aren’t dealing with it well...
Anyway the backstory is largely irrelevant, but he has now sent me a!ranting email telling me that when I communicated a difference of opinion with him I was frustrated, angry, etc. I genuinely wasn’t any of these things, but the tone of his email is passive aggressive and he makes statements like “today you were very frustrated that I took the initiative to do XYZ”.
This is putting words/emotions in my mouth that are not true and belittling the valid points I was making- what is the best way to describe this?
I should add this guy has also been reprimanded for his condescending treatment of women and other people ‘not like him’.

A twat?

I think I’d be tempted to feign complete ignorance as if his behaviour couldn’t bother you less.

“Terribly sorry I’m not sure which occasion you’re referring to...oh then?! Gosh if you think I was angry then you should see me when I’m really angry tinkly laugh”

Twat- that’s the mildest I’ve come up with so far, so that’s a step forward at any rate!
I have already tried the making light/sarcasm/shrugging it off approach and it hasn’t worked. Also culturally, this guy won’t get sarcasm, so my usual way of handling it misses the mark.
It’s kind of like I’m being dismissed as an hysterical woman, if that makes sense?

Presumptuous.

Projecting?

I would rebutt his accusations. It seems to me that he's trying to lay a paper trail and will take it to the managers saying Freshly is so rude to me, she's aggressive, frustrated etc. Look, I even had to email her about it many times as I couldn't tell her in person and she didn't disagree so it must be true "

I'd reply saying" I don't know what you're talking about. I was not angry /frustrated with you because I have no problem explaining how my idea works to you if you don't understand it. At all times I was calm and quiet. I never raised my voice. I did feel that you were not listening to me and as a result blah blah blah. "

But don't accept his mistruths and get your own side of things on paper too

Misrepresenting, misinterpreting, gaslighting.
He sounds alarmingly aggressive.
I would not personally respond to emails like that. Or a quick reply 'this is not relevant to the work required'. Maintain your professional attitude in yhe face of his crazy. Privately (in your head)treat him as a joke.
But consider collecting evidence and maybe weather you need to take it to your manager.
Try to get all communication in writing saved.

A lying rewriter of history

I would definitely respond in writing. I would directly counter his emotional statements up front using words that would be similar to those in his prior disciplinaries.

"I find your email condescending and irrational. Your untrue statements about my emotional state and the supposed impact on my performance are both offensive and ridiculous. Please discuss business problems in a professional manner going forward.

As for the substance of your message "

A thrush? irritating cunt

Can you try a 'bullet point bollocking'? Reply to each point factually and calmly but also add passive aggressive comments eg 'I hope everything is OK at home?' or 'counselling is available if you're feeling under pressure' with a smiley face on the end.

He is alarmingly aggressive, I have had ‘serious’ discussions about his behaviour with managers previously (I have also seen him intimidate and discriminate people and it has largely been brushed off) which is why I want to address it effectively- I need to say things like I was misrepresented, etc as if I just say he sent me this crappy email it will sound like whinging.
Thankfully my interaction yesterday when I was supposedly hysterical is all writing, so proving that isn’t an issue.

In that case I would ask HR for an informal meeting to discuss how you should respond to him.

I also think he is projecting as PPs said, and in my head and real life he is a joke. It would be very outing to give specifics, but I did my due diligence and he has a caricature online presence.

Towel, I am going to factually reply to him and then forward both my reply and yesterday’s messages to my manager. I already made manager aware of this issue and told him I would be following up today)

"I think you have misinterpreted the situation and have misread my intent. I disagree with your course of action on (project X) and felt it sensible to point out (issues/alternatives/whatever) for consideration.

I just want to ensure full consideration of the best course of action and complete alignment as this gives us the best chance of success"

Or something like that in writing to make you look good and him entrenched.
Then stick the knife in verbally with higher ups when appropriate.

But yes, twat is the correct word.

Misogynistic ? Assigning hyperbolic emotions to belittle woman and their concerns and contributions is almost a historical trope.

I'd repond via e-mail none emotionally to each point - so there's a paper trail back.

I can assure you that there has been NO situation where I have demonstrated any angry emotions whatsoever. Neither have I felt frustrated at your having a different opinion to mine.

I do however have grave concerns at your deliberately misreading communications between us and your motive behind such unprofessional conduct.

I shall continue any verbal or written communications with you in the calm and clear manner that I have always shown in the workplace and respectfully request that you you show me the same respect otherwise I will have no option to take the matter up with BOSS NAME as to why you are trying to bully me and treat me with condescending remarks and attempting to belittle me.

He is getting personal.

Patronising him might work.

Address him professionally.

'Unfortunately the antagonistic nature of your reply suggests that there is a communication issue due to your failure to understand the issues. I will address this again in more detail so that we can make some progress. If you have any more problems, do not hesitate to approach me in a more professional manner.'

I would state back quickly and simply in writing: I am not having the feelings that you are recording in your emails. I suggest we meet and discuss the issues in person.

Fireman's response is perfect

Thanks everyone, you have given me the appropriate wording to nip this in the bud. He wants me to react, I need to present it to others so they see it as a pattern rather than a one off of me just getting upset.