What do you do (work related)...

[OwThatsGottaHurt]

What do you do when someone you have to work with irritates you so much that you actually get in a bad mood every time you get an email. I'm exaggerating here but it feels like I have an allergic reaction to this person! We work in different departments, in different locations, but we are both senior in our roles and he has to come to me for assistance on deals and approvals from time to time. He is an utter arsehole though, but wraps it up in a sickly courteous way, and he is very patronising too to top it all off.

I've learned not to reply to requests straight away as I just sound angry and unhelpful in my replies unless I take a breather. I have a great reputation in my organisation for being helpful and good to work with... but with this guy I just want to yell FUCK OFF!!

Idk what my question is, probably something like how on earth do I get over this? I need to work with this guy! Any suggested techniques on how to keep my cool? I'm sure there's a book out there on how to manage a man-child... ((goes off to peruse Amazon))

Hi Op, you call him an arsehole but say he is courteous to you? Has he actually done anything bad to you? Could he be reminding you of someone else who has mistreated / hurt you?

I think you need to explore why you feel this way esp as this is occurring at work. You need to deal with it as there could potentially be consequences if you end up being rude to him. You are having a very strong reaction.

I think tel calls and Skype or webex would help enormously as emails are easy to misconstrue

I’ve been in this situation before

What is it about him you don’t like?

Is he direct, professional and good at his job?

Thanks for replying!
When I say courteous, it is a very insincere sycophantic tone. I have to try and stay professional and helpful, but he does expect me to get involved in everything he does, even though it really is not my job and he should handle it himself.

Is he good at his job? I would say he comes across as professional, looks the part, talks the talk, but when it comes to the details, he blusters a lot and expects everyone to fix it up for him to present to the client. Sorry for being vague!

I've actually spoken to 2 other colleagues in other teams today who have to work with him too, and they both have the same trouble with him. It shouldn't matter but it has made me feel better that it is not just me.

I want to avoid calls with him, as he ends up droning on and on about how he wants to learn from me, and I can learn from him etc. and ends up taking up 30 mins of my time discussing a really inconsequential aspect of a deal that he should be able to handle without involving me.

Anyway, he's just a very annoying person I have to deal with in work. We all have them I suppose. Just need to take a few deep breaths when I deal with him!!

What is he actually asking you?

He sounds like he’s annoying you more than anything deliberate or specific

Is he new to the role?

I don’t see what he’s asking as anything out of order - tbh it seems really quite professional to be able to learn from one another