Rant alert!! How's to reason with the unreasonable?

[Clutterfreeintraining]

This is a very long and boring saga that flares up every now and again.

It has just flared up. Close family member is very unreasonable at times and is frequently unpleasant to my so tonight I stood up for dsis and calmly pointed out that dsis hadn't done anything wrong. This resulted in me getting it in the neck and family member now feels we've both behaved badly towards her.

All we ever do is try to keep the peace!! How am I supposed to reason with someone so unreasonable?!

You're not. Because they aren't reasonable.

But at least your DSis knows that you've got her back, rather than tacitly agreeing with the unreasonable relative through silence.

It's such an infuriating situation. There is just no logic but no real option to stop contact (for me, at least). I just don't understand how she can be so unkind to dsis (and plenty of others) and yet 100% believe that it is everyone else in the wrong

I don't quite know what to do now.

I live next door to relative, in her rental property. I cook for her a couple of times a week and we all spend Sunday evenings at my house (with dmum and dsis). Whilst she is very independent, she does rely on me and ds for a number of things which allow her to live independently. I do these things willingly and she has always been very kind and generous. However, her behaviour is unpredictable and always has been. Over the years, I've learned how to avoid her nasty side (not always successfully!!) but my middle dsis seems to be the one who she targets.

Last night I was all set to pack up and move and if it was just me, I'd probably seriously consider it but it's not just me.

This is only the second time I've stood up to her and the last time I did it, I lived 150 miles away so was very easy to avoid her!!

Being assertive doesn't come naturally (and that's a whole other story!!) and I don't know what to do for the best.

I have a grandad who is getting more unreasonable with age. He is getting more reliant on DH and I as we are the only ones who are able. General consensus with the wider family is to keep the peace for the greater good.

I feel for you OP, whilst grandad isn't nasty he would argue that the sky is pink to make everyone else wrong and him right.

(At the moment he insists on bringing round bags for sweets for DC, which is a lovely gesture,but teen DD has been vegetarian for several years now and won't eat them, and DS is diabetic and we avoid sweets as we find it hard to bring down the inevitable high blood levels that follow. Even DS now says sweets aren't worth feeling crap for. But because grandad buys the sweets with his paper, my DC are an inconvenience if they don't eat them. The mind boggles.

I'm sure it means a lot to your sister you sticking up for her.

Thanks, FireUnderpants.

I think I'll leave things alone now and hope everything settles down soon.

This relative doesn't the sweets buying too - to the extreme. It used to drive me absolutely bonkers when ds was little - she'd bring him multi-packs of chocolate bars, daily and sneak them to him when I wasn't looking!!

Gosh, I could write a book about all the crazy things she's done over the years but it's actually starting to make me cross with myself for staying here as long as I have.