Childcare costs?

[brightnearly]

Not sure where to post this - what's a fair way to deal with childcare costs?

I've started a part-time job (2 full days) , which pays roughly 1/6 of DH's job.
DC are at primary school, and on one the days I use a childminder. Then, I also need full days during school holidays.

DH says that those costs are 'my work expenses', and I should pay for childcare. I pointed out that he didn't have to pay for childcare so far, because I was the childcare!

What's a fair way to deal with this?

Erm gosh, isn’t it just a household bill? How bizarre to be arguing over this!

We have a similar set up.

I don't like the idea of a joint account (huge financial trust issues due to my Dad) so we save a set amount each month throughout the year to cover holiday childcare expenses.

He saves more than me because he earns more.

He sounds great! What a prat. Surely you have provided the childcare so far so he can remain full time?

The fair way is everything goes in one pot, you pay all the bills and split what's left.

Well, a fair way would just be to take it out of the household pot, like any other joint expense.

It's not a good sign for your DH to be taking this line. Does he have form for being sexist, controlling or dismissive?

All money should go into one pot and then all bills should come out out of it with the remainder split between you. Your husband is being selfish and an arsehole.

It's not going into one pot. My salary goes into my own account (to which he has no access), his salary has always gone into his own account (to which I have no access). Then there's a shared account, into which he puts money - as much as he sees fit. I use this account for the food shopping.

Currently, he's paying all the bills/mortgage.

I cover the childcare, and my own expenses (clothing etc), but otherwise I'm sitting on my money - not least because I'm not established, and I want to have a little nest egg for emergencies.

Once I'm secure in the job (or earlier), there needs to be a fair setup.

I would also like to use my money towards getting other qualifications.

Any thoughts?

I'd certainly want him to have bills coming out of the joint account, so that you have your name also on the bills (good for ID for proof of address and for if you ever split up to show that you were also paying the bills).

Childcare isn't your expense. It should be a joint thing from the joint account which you both pay a % into. I'm assuming he's never paid you for looking after the children so that he can work.

I'm astonished your DH would think that childcare wasn't a shared cost. In our household, I'm the "breadwinner". DH works part-time to look after DCs, and I happen to have a slightly better-paying job. Would never occur to me in a million trillion years that our childcare is DH's expense. It's another household bill.

(We manage our money by holding back a small amount of our salary as our own, and the rest goes into joint account. Even if people don't feel comfortable with one big pot, I still think costs should be split proportionate to income.)