Worried my five-yr-old is unhappy at school and don’t know what to do about it?

[Londonornot]

My 5-yr-old DC is in reception. He is very shy but has made friends with another boy who plays pretty roughly and - according to DC - says kind of blunt / mean things. (“you’re not a fast runner, I don’t want to play with you, you can’t have that toy for your birthday” etc). Dc comes home covered in bruises and says they’re from this boy and another, when they were “playing fighting”.

I spoke to his teacher about it and she said they have a good relationship and DC is happy

I keep trying to persuade Dc to find another friend, but he doesn’t want to. Last night I had the friend over for a play date (curious to see what it was all about!) and the kid is one of those who thinks everything is “boring” etc, but didn’t play rough.

Anyway. DH and I have noticed that, since school started, DC has changed and has become less happy. He has such an ace Easter, and became his old self again. And now school and this crappy (maybe?!) friendship has started back up again, and DC is back to being whiney and unhappy again.

What on earth do I do?! We’re contemplating moving anyway, and this just makes it more attractive. If I could afford it, even though ideologically it doesn’t fit for me, I would consider private school!

Hugs to you and ds. If you are seriously planning on moving then I would just keep things at home calm and supportive and try not to worry too much. The summer term is short compared to the others. Perhaps invite a few other children from the school for a play date to encourage other friendships.

However, if you decide not to move then I would go into school again and perhaps speak to the teacher or Head teacher to discuss your concerns. Ask them to play around with the seating plan or even consider moving your son to a different class for the next academic year. Keep going in. Also start researching the possibility of moving to another school in case your concerns are not addressed and you feel things are getting worse.

Good luck

There must be other kids in the class, start inviting them over.

As someone who works in reception, the things that the boy is saying are not unusual. I'm not saying it's right, but they are still young and are still learning what things are appropriate to say. As staff, if we hear things that being said or a child tells us its been said, we would talk to the child concerned and explain those things are not kind to say and discuss how it makes the other person feel.

With regard to rough play, there are some children who do play rougher than others. Their play needs to be observed a little more closely to ensure their play isn't negatively impacting other children.

I would ask the teacher to keep a closer eye on things and I would encourage friendships with other children but I wouldn't automatically assume this child is 'bad' or is targeting your child yet. Some just take longer to learn the boundaries. (Some adults never seem to manage it!)

Blessthekids thank you! I think you’re right about going back into the school. I really don’t want to have to talk to the kid’s parents. When the mum picked the kid up last night, she raved how lucky kid is to have DC as a friend as they play so nicely . (I think she’d complain if they were split up for year 1 so I might have to speak to her! Ahh so crap at stuff like that!)

weirdpatient I tried to do that earlier in the year, but I think I picked the wrong kids! There was no good play flow. (I picked ones whose mums I thought were friendly.) You’re right though, I’m going to ask him to make a list of other kids he’d like to have come over.

MaisondeChats that’s really reassuring! I have been really worried about this friendship, to be honest. DC is (like I said) very shy, and as consequence - isn’t really interested in making extra friendships when he already has one.

And this kid’s parents (who I hardly know - sometimes see at parties) seem perfectly nice.

Do you think his unhappiness is something to worry about? Or maybe he’s just exhausted by school!?

Should I talk to his teacher again? I would be pretty relieved to see them split up in year 1 (we’re thinking of moving, like I said, but we haven’t sold / bought let alone decided on area so chances are, he’ll be entering year 1 as normal).