Primary school bully also secondary school bully?

[Chewiethewonderpig]

My son is being bullied (verbal emotional) by a girl in his class who he was previously friends with. They are in year 6 and the issues started when the girls mother realised they would be going to the same school (our local mainstream).

My DS has SEN and the bully has been purposefully exploiting his vulnerability to upset him. He is now hugely anxious, she barely needs to look at him to trigger him.

They will be going to the same secondary school, it’s a large 8 form entry. The girl stated that she wants to be in the same class as my DS so she can carry on bullying him- she’s just relentless. She’s been spoken to numerous times, sent to the head, parents have been called in (according to the girl she’s being mean because her mum told her too) and nothing has changed. All the school can do now is ensure the girl is never left alone with my DS.

I’ve already spoken the the secondary school as has their class teacher and they are not going to put them together. I am however worried, even though it’s a huge school, she’s going to seek him out to carry on with her bullying or teach others what his triggers are.

Has anyone’s child moved up the secondary school with their bully and not had an issue?

I am totally ignorant on these things, but are you able to go to the police as the bullying relates to a protected characteristic? And plus she is now over 10yrs old

Thanks for reply. I really don’t think DS would like that, he has ASD and it’s very hard to tease the the details out of him so I don’t think he would be happy to discuss it with a police officer.

How about the threat of it to the girl? That you'll go to the police.

That might be enough to deter her.

Bitch.

You must be so worried about this. Will he have a 121 when he goes up to high school?

He does have a 1-1 and will have 1-1 support in secondary. The big issue is he has a phobia of an inanimate object, I’ll use banana as an example. Saying the word banana causes him to have a huge reaction which is exactly what she wants. It’s something that we had under control but her using the word to bully him has increased his anxiety around the phobia hugely.

My son was bullied by 2 lads throughout year 6, it was mainly verbal and emotional but with the odd deliberate kick on the football pitch. These 2 lads really did make my sons life a misery.

I requested he not be put in any of the same classes at secondary school, this seemed to work, he rarely mentioned them when he was in year 7, secondary school is so much bigger than primary. In primary there were only 10 other boys in his year, in secondary there are over 110.
Secondary school been great for my son, he has really grown in confidence, rather than have it chipped away every day.
Then at the end of year 7 the kid who had done most of the bullying transferred to another school. He claimed he had been bullied by someone else, talk about karma. I hate bullying of any type, but I found it difficult to feel sorry for this kid, knowing what he had put my son through.
With that kid out of the way my son went on to become friends with the other lad who bullied him at primary.
Hopefully this girl will leave your son alone when they get to high school, good luck, I know how worrying this can be.

My daughters y6 teacher said secondary's come to them to ask if people should be in same class / separated so I would definitely ask about that

What a horrible child.
Secondary school as others have said is a completely different set up to primary. Even those who are in the same form group won't be who they are with in actual lessons. Lessons are usually ability based, different children in each subject, and change frequently due to children moving up and down groups.
It also sounds like a very big school too so although she might see him around or pass him, they won't be in the same area at break times like they are in the playground primary. Hopefully she will lose interest by then and also it will be too big and busy for her to seek him out.
I would make sure the Senco department are very aware of her and be very firm that she is not to be near him at any time. Secondary usually have bigger Senco cover than primary too.

Itsagrandoldteam I’m really pleased to hear that secondary school has been a positive experience for your son. I must admit that I have had moments where I hope the girl feels how awful it is to be bullied.

Their new school has already been informed of the the issues so sure they will keep them apart. Also the school teaches in mixed ability classes for yr7 (except maths) so it’s highly unlikely they will be together for a while.

Fingers crossed she’ll be too busy to bother DS once they start.

Our secondary splits the 8 forms into two 'halves' and in y7 & y8 they only have lessons in the same half. If that is the same for your school definitely ask to be not only in separate classes but also separate halves.

TeenTimesTwo

That's the same as our school, so my son was put in the other year half, so could never have the same lesson, not even for PE.
School were clever though and put them in the same house, because there are lots of inter house competitions, they were always on the same side.

It’s going to the first year of 8 form entry and when I asked a while back they weren’t sure they were splitting it into two - fingers crossed they will and be in separate halves.

There is a huge difference in punishment between secondary and primary. In primary we keep them in at break and not for all the break but at secondary there is a strict disciplinary system where they can end up in detention and isolation.

It is quite satisfying knowing that smug arseholes in primary soon realise that being a nasty piece of work to other students doesn't mean missing 5 minutes of your break

As the secondary are aware it makes it easier for your son to report things. Plus bigger school means more students to witness things and support your child.

There will be a bullying policy in place that the children are told about when they start secondary plus it is in their planner, or should be. That way everyone knows the steps taken by the school.

One child at my son's secondary has been put in alternative provision (sent to another school) these are like hen's teeth for primaries but there are far more for secondaries when behaviour escalates.

I hope your son settles well into high school and this girl realises that the punishments are far more severe.

Secondary was a big improvement for my dd even though the mean kids went to the same school. (None were in her class). I remember a friend who went to a comp saying that at secondary the mean kids aren't interested in quieter/geeky kids as they are too busy locking horns with the tough kids from other schools. I didn't really believe her but she was right!
The quieter kids have a much bigger pool of kids in the year to find a bigger group of similar kids than they had at primary and the tougher kids don't bother them.
I agree also about the tougher punishments and lower tolerance. Dd's primary were a bit weak at dealing with bullying. It didn't help that the mother of the worst one helped at the school and was pally with the staff!

Also i found that the mean kids that acted nice to staff at primary couldn't keep this up at secondary so the teachers saw their true colours more.

The primary school bullies often get a bit of a shock when they move up to secondary. They're used to the power, status and attention that comes with being a pain in the arse and think that secondary school punishments will be as soft as the primary school ones were.

Instead they discover that they are now just one of hundreds of Year 7s and most of those students have absolutely no interest in them. When they try to claw back some of their previous status, the secondary school staff come down on them like a ton of bricks. Their primary school hangers-on have usually been dispersed amongst the many classes and so the bully no longer has the back-up that they once did.

DD had endless run-ins with a bully in Yr6. They went to the same large secondary school and have hardly seen each other since (now in Yr 8). In fact the other girl managed to turn things around and is apparently much nicer these days.

Hypnotism is brilliant for getting rid of phobias. Would you consider paying for your DS to see a good hypnotist/hypnotherapist?
You'd need to do some research to find someone who is excellent rather than a run of the mill hypnotherapist.
My DH is a qualified hypnotist and he's treated a few of my friends for various phobias - flying, snakes, escalators, etc. and it only takes one session (as he's very good and trained with an internationally renowned hypnotist).
I'm not on your thread to advertise his services as we don't live in the UK now, but I wanted to suggest a more practical approach to resolving the bullying by taking away the trigger that the bully is relying on.
I have a young DS who is dyspraxic and so not remotely sporty. He has plenty of friends but he stands on the sidelines at playtime as he's not interested in kicking a ball so I do wonder how he will cope at secondary school as he's not bothered about 'fitting in'.