I need help. don't know how to banter/ small talk

[lCUNurse]

I don't know what on earth is wrong with me. I started a new job the other day and everyone is so good at chatting/ making little funny comments or whatever and being friendly and somehow keep a conversation going.

I, on the other hand look like a lemon smiling and feeling awkward. I don't know what to say. I must make others feel awkward too, maybe.

I've always been very quiet but I've never really realised as silly as it sounds that I actually seriously lack some very essential skills and I genuinely don't know what to do about it.

Does anyone have any useful advice?

It's a very busy place with all sorts passing through/ interrupting etc.

Ask questions. Let the conversation flow from there. Just ordinary mundane things that make it easy to answer.

How long have you worked here?

Where did you get that top/shoes/bag from it’s lovely?

I fancy X to eat, what are you having?

Etc

If you have only just started there, it might take a while for you to feel comfortable and catch the gist of whatever banter is going on. I'm the same - very awkward in this type of situation but it does get easier once you know people better.

Smiling/laughing where appropriate is fine and I doubt anyone else will feel awkward. Rather than try to join in the banter, keep the conversation going by asking people about themselves - 'how long have you worked here?' is a good opening question.

Second that. Ask questions.

We are a chatty bunch at work, a lot of the chat kicks off with comments about the weather, or what did you get up to at the weekend.

Then it tends to be finding common ground with people, if they live near you, local stuff, if you have kids the same age, school stuff, shared interests. Equally avoiding things if you find out someone hates them (eg we have a few football lovers but one hater).

Also local stuff that happens near work - I live 10 miles from work but have joined the FB news group for my work town so I hear about eg planned roadworks, new pubs opening, armed robberies, we chat about this sort of stuff and its easier to join in with a bit of prior info. This works for more passing acquaintances where you don't know if they have kids or whatever.

As easy as it sounds just try and relax. The more you worry and ruminate the more awkward you will obviously feel.
Am sure you don't lack any skills you are just adjusting to a new environment. The busyness of the environment will help you and distract you and make things less intense so just relax best you can, realise no one is looking at you and you will be fine.

You can learn to do small talk fairly quickly but being able to banter is different. Not everyone does it so don’t worry about it.
Ask questions about people, ask how their weekend was on Monday, comment on item of clothing or jewellery, ask them where they go for lunch, ask about the area.
When you ask questions, be genuinely interested in their answers and smile a lot.

Honestly, as long as you’re polite and friendly you’ll be fine.

I know im new so I obviously still learning who's who but I think it really highlighted it how I am so rubbish at this.

I do ask questions but I don't know the flow of conversation just doesn't seem to go as freely.

There's times I don't know what to say like a patient had given some chocolate. And people were passing saying "ooh chocolate" and I was like say something! But just smiled like a lemon. I need help!

I’m good with the chit chat, horrible at banter. My brain doesn’t work quick enough to think of a witty come back so I end up just laughing. My work place doesn’t ‘do’ banter but a department I visit twice a week seems to use it as their only form of communication and I get nervous going in there. Sorry I’ve got no advice but you’re not alone!