I don't want to look like a snob

[Sunflowermuma]

Hoping you friendly lot can give me some hints and tips. Sorry if this ends up long.

All my life I've had comments like "I thought you were really stuck up until I got to know you" and "you're so not like what I thought you'd be like" and "you're so lovely, I can't believe i thought you were a snob"

My friends describe me as thoughtful, kind, lovely, funny and trustworthy but I know that I have resting bitch face, I'm also quite introverted so in social situations I can be quiet and tend to let other people talk which is why I think people have the wrong idea when they first see me.

Usually it hasn't bothered me but I'm in a different situation now and it's bugging me

My dd is starting school in September, there's a class of 8 (5 girls and 3 boys) who all currently attend the nursery. Of the 7 other kids I get on really well with 2 of the girl mums, 1 of the boy mums and say Hi and have small talk with the other two boy mums

But the other two girl mums do not speak to me. On the outside they seem very different to me. They dress totally different, love to go out partying and are much louder then me. Obviously that's not a problem, everyone's different but I feel put out that even when i try and speak they are not remotely interested. I've seen them talking about me and I'm sure they've got the usual vibe that I'm stuck up even though I've tried to be friendly

I know they don't get on with one of the other girl mums but that's got something to do with them all going to school together years ago. Maybe I'm just being precious but with such a small class starting in Sept I'd like them to be nice. I'd love to be able to do play dates and parties without any awkwardness.

Any advice? I don't live directly in the village (about 2miles out) so apart from nursery time I don't see them. It's such a small village and apart from the pub there's nothing to do and I don't really want to take my kids to the busy pub (with drinkers it's know for doing poor food) soley to try and engage and fit in

I think you are over worrying.

When children are part of a class of 30 ish kids you probably only are friendly with 4/5 other parents (if that!) and have a closer friendship with 2/3.

But because your class is so small you are noticing it more. You have some friendship me with parents to arrange play dates with - and if they don't get on with the other mum then you don't really want to invite them and alienate her really then?

I've had comments like that all my life too and you know what, it doesn't fucking matter.

I'm also an introvert, quite quiet etc. Stupid people (and they are stupid) will jump to conclusions and decide that quiet people are stuck up.

My advice would be to just do your own thing. Don't waste your time trying to make friends with small minded people. You get on with most of the people in this situation, am I right? That's all you need. Just smile and be polite to the others when you have to, ignore them otherwise.

Having play dates in no way depends on the parents being friends, in my experience. DH and I think our seven year old son’s close friend’s parents are incredibly weird, but they still exchange playdates. I think I like a total of four parents out of 24 children in his class, and I’m almost certainly perceived as distant, possibly snobbish and strange, as I’m foreign, highly educated and work FT in a village of SAHMs, and don’t get to any coffees, and couldn’t pick some other parents out of a police lineup.

But DS is sociable and happy.

I’ve had comments like that. My very frank teen dds say that I look like ‘one of those scary posh mums’ and I worried about it for a while and then decided that they were probably trying to find the right words for ‘gravitas’ . So now I don’t give a shit. I do actually smile and am v chatty and friendly, but I guess I must betray an aloofness due to inner shyness.