Calling all toddlerwhisperers. Why does my toddler do this, and what should I do in response?

[SarahAndQuack]

DD has just turned 2. Lately, I've been having a real problem with her doing things like kicking, hitting or slapping me, and then giggling hugely and thinking it is very funny. Sometimes she will slap herself in the face too, then cry.

I always tell her no, we don't hit (kick, slap). I tell her it hurts. If she carries on, I move her away from me and put her down gently well away from me. Sometimes I pick her up and sit her down in another room, and walk out of the room or close the door (she can reach and open doors).

She invariable responds either by totally ignoring this, continuing, and giggling enormously, or by having a full-on tearful tantrum. Sometimes, when she is crying, she will respond to 'can you give me a sorry hug?' and she calms down, but those times are getting rarer. Mostly she'll come for a hug but then, once she's calmed down, slap me again.

She doesn't do this with my DP and, apparently, she doesn't do it at nursery. When I asked nursery, they said no, she says 'we don't hit' if another child hits someone else.

Any ideas?

I realise she is probably testing boundaries, but I would appreciate practical strategies to get her to stop doing it.

What is going on just before she does it? Could it be because you're otherwise engaged and she wants to grab your attention?

Don't walk out of the room or close the door. This is not something a child can understand at all. It's actually quite frightening. Putting her down a good bit away from you is also not something she can understand.

If it's to prevent yourself from getting angry and doing or saying something you might regret, just count backwards from 14 to 3.

Try swooping her up as soon as the hitting starts, and blowing a raspberry at her tummy or similar sensory experience. Then find some distraction like a book to read or cushions to jump on or a game involving hammering (using hammering toys). Or turn on some dancing music and the two of you stomp around, clap, sing, etc. Maybe the more energetic the activity the better?

Does your child have opportunities for sensory play, loud play, energetic play that don't involve getting on a coat and walking twenty minutes to a special facility? Can she fling herself around and expend energy at home? Could you even put her in the bathtub for some sensory play?

At 2 I would say no firmly and sign no, which it sweeping your hand across you to hold hand in front.
It is testing boundaries as you say. Show her a cross face. Be consistent.
Yes distract with something else. However, I wouldn’t be doing that until she registers the ‘no’ response.
I found things easier at 3 as I started doing the ‘thinking step’ then which always worked for me.

SarahAndQuack
...'like kicking, hitting or slapping me, and then giggling hugely and thinking it is very funny.'

This makes me think she is playing. My dd was just like this. I responded in a similar way to you and it wasn't working. So I did some some research and found that rough and tumble play and play fighting is developmentally important for young children. And while this might seem odd, they learn how to be more aware of not hurting someone and learn how to recognize body language and social cues. I can't find the exact same articles I read but have include a link. www.bellybelly.com.au/parenting/rough-tumble-play-parents-should-encourage/

I also agree with mathanxiety suggesting ways to redirect her from hitting you. Redirection works very well when they are young.

I found using redirection helped while also making sure I engaged in lots of rough and tumble play including tickling, blowing raspberries, wrestling, cushion fights etc. really helped a lot.

Yes indeed, rough and tumble play is very important.

Does she have any really large stuffed animals that she could roll around with when you or her dad can't/ don't have time? I am talking about toys as big as herself.

My youngest DD was a bit like this, and also used to bite me and her gran, but like your DD never did it at nursery.

At just 2, I used to do a loud sharp no, and then move on pretty quickly. There is no point explaining, they don’t understand and time out doesn’t work yet. As her language got better she stopped doing it.