Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Boyfriend wants to move back!

24 replies

Kati1298 · 25/04/2019 20:54

So basically my boyfriend moved from his hometown to live with me and my son (3 hours away) , we now have a child on the way due in July , so 2 month away and now he doesn’t like it here as he’s finding it hard to find a job and it depresses him. He wants to move back to where he’s from and see the child on a weekend and still be in a relationship(long distance) it’s not been long together 5 month but I’m so used to being with him and it upsets me when he says he’s going ,
Any advice would be great😭 it’s put a lot of strain on our relationship, thank you for reading! And tia 😊

OP posts:
Original poster
Kati1298 · 25/04/2019 20:56

Well we have been together since September😴 but he’s only been up here 5/6 month🤷🏽‍♀️

OP posts:
BelulahBlanca · 25/04/2019 20:56

He sounds awful.

PippilottaLongstocking · 25/04/2019 20:59

You’ve been together 5 months but your baby is due in 2 months?? Or do you mean you’ve lived together 5 months? You’ll basically be a single parent to 2 kids while he gets to be the fun weekend parent. If he moves away make sure he’s contributing financially ie paying maintenance (at the very least the amount you’d get through CMS) even if you’re still ‘together’

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Dating General relationships Relationship problems
PippilottaLongstocking · 25/04/2019 21:00

Oops sorry missed your second post

theworldistoosmall · 25/04/2019 21:00

If he’s going to go, you cannot stop him.
The reality of the situation is probably starting to kick in. Within 7 months he’s become a step dad and has his own on his way.

LIZS · 25/04/2019 21:02

How did you meet if he lived so far away? It sounds as if things have moved too quickly for him at least, but he should not shirk his responsibilities towards his baby. Does he even have work to go back to, how does he see your longer term future? Could you set a time frame on him finding work and review, how will you cope if he leaves and you are left with 2 young dc to support?

Mintandthyme · 25/04/2019 21:02

Can you move with him?

DoctorDread · 25/04/2019 21:18

So you fell pregnant pretty much as soon as you got together?

SouthernComforts · 25/04/2019 21:22

Hmm tell us more..

Original poster
Kati1298 · 25/04/2019 23:26

So basically, it did happen quickly. Not by intention but we stayed together. We met through friends of friends. Like I love him a lot but he wouldn’t have a job to go to he said he would get one quicker as he would be moving to Liverpool which is obviously a big city with a bigger chance of employment. I don’t know what to do as I’m very close with my parents and would kill me to leave them and live 3 hours away but would hate to have him 3 hours away in a long distance relationship 😫

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 25/04/2019 23:28

DO NOT LEAVE YOUR SUPORT NETWORK

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 25/04/2019 23:29

I think you need to cut your losses and get some better contraception. Long distance rarely works.

TowelNumber42 · 25/04/2019 23:30

FGS don't leave your home and support network to chase after a deadbeat dad!

This is hard but it is clear he doesn't want to be with you. He is trying to break up with you gently. You won't be having a long distance relationship. He's leaving you. Sorry. Flowers

Original poster
Kati1298 · 25/04/2019 23:31

I don’t know if he will come round once the baby is here and realise that he needs to be here with us as a family
🤷🏽‍♀️

OP posts:
IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 25/04/2019 23:33

He is flaky. You'd be absolutely mad to move away from your family. Any man who would choose not to be with his newborn baby is a third. You presumably wouldn't consider for a moment not being with your child, but he's quite happy to just bugger off and be a part time dad. Not to mention leaving you alone with 2 kids. He isn't good enough for you.

Drogosnextwife · 25/04/2019 23:35

So within the space of 5 months you have moved him into yours and your DS home and are now pregnant? It's all a bit fast really isn't it. I think he might be feeling a bit overwhelmed by the though of becoming a dad and step dad withing 5 months, also loving 3 hours away from his home.

VetinarisTerrier · 25/04/2019 23:38

Exactly what Crunchymum said! Do not leave where you are now! Put your children and yourself first, be smart, be calm and focus focus focus on your children.

Purpletigers · 25/04/2019 23:40

Of course he could find a job if he really wants one . What has he been living on for the last few months ? Do not move away from your family for a bloke you barely know .

Tinkety · 25/04/2019 23:41

It’s a tough one really, if he’s been in your area for 5 - 6 months & genuinely hasn’t been able to find work then moving somewhere with better job prospects is probably the smart thing to do, especially with a baby on the way. On the other hand though, he may just be getting cold feet & trying to shirk his responsibilities, only you will know the answer to that OP.

Original poster
Kati1298 · 25/04/2019 23:54

Thanks for all the opinions, I honestly don’t know what to do thanks everyone!😫

OP posts:
HowardSpring · 26/04/2019 00:44

5 months isn't long to find a job - and we don't know what he does or where OP is so can't really judge the employment opportunities.

Plenty of men work away to support the family so I wouldn't judge him for that.

You got pregnant within a month. He was stupid - he should have used better contraception. So should you if you didn't want another child, (but from what you say I think you were not unhappy with the pregnancy).

So you were both stupid and had unprotected sex a month into a relationship. You already had a child. He tried to "do the right thing" but actually with no job, two kids and away from everyone he knows it was a long shot.

Stay where you are - you owe it to your first child if nothing else. If you boyfriend gets a job and you two can make a go of it then all well and good - but it is unlikely I'd say.

HotChocolateLover · 26/04/2019 07:18

Things have moved too fast OP. Together 10 months when your baby is born, that’s hard. He just can’t be arsed and wants to go back to living a carefree life, like he did this time
Last year. Best off without him.

TowelNumber42 · 26/04/2019 09:47

You don't really have many options to choose from though do you?

He has told you he's planning to move out and only see the baby at weekends.

He hasn't invited you to get married and move to Liverpool with him has he? Not that that would be a smart option anyway.

You got pregnant by mistake with a guy who isn't a keeper and who doesn't want to be with you as a family. Let yourself let go of whatever fantasy of 1950s married bliss you had built up in your mind. It is over.

bringthethunder · 26/04/2019 15:29

Similar thing happened to me; Ex left the forces and moved from England to Scotland to live with me, this was after around 2 years of being together. After 6 months, he hated his "civvy" work, couldn't adjust to the routine, work or life in general away from his friends & family. He joined the forces again and moved back to England and we resumed LDR for another 2 years before we split (he was a cheating pr!ck, but that's by the by). Anyway, with the benefit of hindsight, we should have called it a day when he moved away again as it created a lot of resentment for both of us, and showed that there was no real future there.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread