How can I stop this dream? TW- miscarriage related.

[TheZeppo]

I have no kids. Miscarried my only pregnancy 14 years ago. I was 21 and was no way ready to have a baby, but was nonetheless very upset.

Over the past year, I have been dreaming that I’m pregnant. Sometimes newly discovered, sometimes very heavily. The pregnancy always ends and I wake up extremely upset.

I fully accept this is because I’m now 36, single and would like a family and am worried I won’t have one. But these dreams are SO upsetting. Any advice on how to train my brain out of them?!

For full disclosure, I’ve had counselling and discussed this issue. I thought I’d made my peace with it.

No one?

Hello! Sorry to hear you're having distressing dreams. I'm sure these would be related to your concern that you're single and don't feel in a position to have a baby. I'd say address it head on and decide on a plan. Would you be prepared to have a baby alone? If so, at what age would you try? Etc I always find that if I'm having dreams about my anxieties it's always best just to address the issue during waking hours and once I've got a way forward the dreams usually go away. Good luck! Xx

I don't really have any useful advice, but they sound like stress dreams to me.

For DH, he has these vivid panic inducing dreams when he's stressed with work. They're nearly always about animals chasing him.

For myself, they vary but always wake up with anxiety and panic.

Is there anything else causing you stress and anxiety (other than your worries about having a family?) Because if so, some kind of relaxation routine might help? Yoga classes, exercise, relaxing more, good sleep hygiene etc.

I lost a baby at 33 last year. My consultant said she wasn't concerned about my age (I asked) and she's never worried about fertility until people hit the other side of 40.

4+ years is a lot of time to settle down and have a family. I think of my friend who split with her long term partner (they'd been together 18 years), found a new partner and two years later had a baby. She was late 30s. Xx

Or upset. I also wake up upset depending on the subject of the dream x

You probably had made your peace with it, but now you feel under time pressure it's playing on your mind, hence the dreams. Technically you still have plenty of time, but I'm guessing although you could you don't want a child in your 40's? So that only leaves a few years max. Maybe if you accept it may or may not happen, and go with the flow the dreams will stop.

Thank you both for your kind replies.

Yes, lumpy76 I would do it alone. Money is a barrier though.

Wildflower2019 I am very stressed at work at the moment, so you may be right. Ironically, it’s part of my job role to be aware of the stress levels of staff

I think the part that upsets me most is I always tell myself I’m dreaming (within the dream) and something inevitably convinces me it’s real this time

EngagedAgain you are very astute. I always imagined having children by the time I was 40, and would like them before then. Good advice, thank you.