Unhappy father

[Buddha88]

So I have found out that I'm 4 weeks pregnant ...which I'm happy about as I have 1 child and few miscarriages however oh isn't happy
He keeps asking are your not happy with is how we are he has 2 grown children who.live with us too
They are over the moon
I'm 31 he is 46 we been together a long time...I have always said if I fell.pregnant before he was 50 I would.keep.it ....Now he asking me if I should.not keep it as he doesn't really want it Even though I do and he says it's not really an abortion as there is nothing there ..

Personally if I wanted a baby I couldn't get rid of it because someone else wanted me to. I'd just end up resentful and then the relationship would be over.

Could/would you go it alone if he really didn't want to be a part of it?

But he was quite happy to have sex with you despite the fact you could fall pregnant? If he was that adamant he didn’t want any more children he could have had a vasectomy.

Now he must be responsible along with you for your actions.

Aborting a baby under these conditions is very sad as the situation could have been avoided by acting responsibly (him not you).

Yes see I don't want to ... I even said to him I know he has 3 but biologically I have 1
But now I have the chance to be a mum again I'm happy and so is everyone else including his children just not him...
I thought maybe I was a bad person because I want to carry on even if he doesn't
He said to.me what if he can't bond with the baby I said I believe that won't happen because he loves his kids
I think he will adapt or am I just being hopeful

He'll just have to suck it up, won't he? You didn't get pregnant deliberately, it's a bi-product of sex (or didn't he realise this?) If he wanted to prevent it, he should either have had a vasectomy or not had sex!

Anyway, if the other dc are happy and want the baby, how is he going to explain to them that you've had a termination because he didn't want the baby?

Had you discussed having a child with him? Were you both using contraception? Does he feel you deliberately got pregnant because you were so desperate for a child?

It sounds a very sad situation, he may ‘adapt’ he may not, but how sad for the child being bought into the world like that. Only you can decide what you want to do, perhaps it would be best to leave and raise the child on your own.

Nothing there? Show him that, at 5 weeks heart starts beating!

This is where the age gap comes into play. He'll be pushing 60 when the child is a teenager I can understand why he wouldn't want that. Did you discuss it beforehand?

No.not really discussed as such ... I.told him if a pregnancy happened before he was 50 I would.keep it
I came of the pill after being on it.for 13 years as my body was getting sluggish and sex drive was slowing down ECT didn't feel myself he knew this ....and when I fell pregnant I said well u knew I was on the pill his response was well I didn't Think you did get pregnant

I had a bonus baby. My husband wanted me to have an abortion but I refused.
He was ok about it and loved our son to bits as do I ...but no man would ever have me get rid of a baby...never.

Congratulations op...don’t let him ruin it for you.
He’ll only be my age when your child is 20 and I’m not quite past it yet

You're still really early. You must've just found out.
He's just had life changing news and in his option not good news.
Give him some time. He was an absolute idiot to have sex with you. But this has happened and while I would be as upset as him he's just going to have to suck it up.

Yes I did just find out
Im thankful for all your comments and advice
I appreciate it's a big shock for him it is also for.me my d is 14 this year

Can you be clearer about his views about the possibility of you getting pregnant over the last few months? Did he really say he thought you wouldn't get pregnant if you were using no contraception??

What about your miscarriages? When were they? Because that would suggest to him that you were getting pregnant wouldn't it?

It seems so weird to me that you would come off the pill but not have a huge discussion about whether or not you were going to have another baby.

When you did talk about it and said you’d keep a pregnancy that happened before he turned 50 what did he say in reply?
Would you be prepared to go ahead and be a single parent if he left over this pregnancy?
While he can’t force you to terminate a pregnancy he is allowed to have an opinion and say he isn’t happy about finding out you are pregnant especially if he was less keen on having a second family.
I think you need to sit down and talk honestly together about how you both feel and the possible consequences of both terminating or keeping the pregnancy.

Miscarriages were years ago.... and the talk is something I have always.t olld him over the years
Just like i said I would.like to get married as we been together 15 years but he doesn't want to get married as he was once before and ended badly
And the coming off pill he knew about but when I.said to him about he doesn't have a condom he says he don't like them
Maybe he thought he couldn't get me.pregnant ? I dunno

So he didn't want to bother with contraception because he didn't like it...but he doesn't want to accept the consequences either? What a plonker!

As far as marriage is concerned, as long as the house is in joint names (and hopefully you carry on working after the birth) it's no real problem.

Lol that's true

See today has been very confusing
So this morning the convos were as stated above ...and since visting his mum's grave who was buried 2 weeks ago has now had a fortune cookie lol which says take the chance while you have the opportunity
He then got me to do one lol which says luck is now with you act upon your instincts
Silly I know
His friend told him maybe it's a sign
Now he is talking about naming a boy after himself go figure