Would you go to this funeral?

[Beanybye]

Your dad’s brother’s wife’s sister. So your Aunts sister but they’re not a blood relation. Someone you met 2-3 times in your whole life, you’ve never had a conversation with them, just said hello as you entered a large room full of people.

No

No.

Nope. The only thing that might change my mind is if my cousins were incredibly close to her, and I to them, and i would be a support to them. But i can see how that could be the case if you had only ever met them 2-3 times in your whole life.

No

No. Unless it would be to support you Aunt/Uncle/cousins who have asked you to be there.

I had no intention of going however my Dad’s giving me a guilt about it. He thinks I should be there to support my Aunt (who has 2 grown up children of her own plus their partners who will of course be attending plus her husband plus my parents). I can’t imagine how odd it will feel to sit through the funeral of someone who is almost a stranger to me.

Expressedways yes this is the sticking point although the request is coming from my dad not my aunt.

Yes I'd go to support my dad and my uncle and aunt.

No

I might go just for the food afterwards.

No

If it didn't impact on me having to take time off work or find child care then I'd go to be there if my dad wanted me to. If it requires either of those then no.

No, I wouldn't go to it, nor would I let my Dad play the guilt game to try to pressure me into going. Being a grown up means that I can make my own decisions about this kind of thing.

No.

AdaColeman thanks for that comment, he has at knack of saying just the right thing to make me feel like crap. This situation is typical of many in the past and I always go along with what he wants because I like to keep the peace. I’ll remind myself of your post and stick to my guns.

I am in lreland where we go to all sorts of funerals but even for us that would be a stretch. I would send your aunt a nice handwritten letter of sympathy and that would be fine.

I would probably go, but only if you didn't need to take time off work and it wasn't miles away. Would be nice to support them. In Ireland too if that makes a difference

Beanybye It can be hard to take those steps away from an emotionally controlling parent, some people never manage it at all.

But once you've done it a few times, and weathered the inevitable sulking from them, hopefully between you both you'll be able to develop a new sort of relationship based on mutual respect, rather than doing what you're told just to keep the peace.

Stay strong!

Most likely no. I've been to one to 'represent' my parents who didn't go, as I lived nearby.

If I thought others would value my support, then yes. Though it would depend on how far it was.

The problem that I have is that the guilt trip works every time, it does genuinely make me feel like a shitty person. I don’t want to go to this funeral,I don’t want to use up my annual leave,I don’t think me being there will make a jot of difference. I’m not even close to my aunt let alone her sister but my dad has very rigid ideas of how family should behave. I often hear ‘we’re only a small family,we should support eachother’. Actually, none of them have ever supported me. My support comes from my DH and close friends. My parents are very supportive too but the extended family isn’t. This will be the next conversation ‘after everything we’ve done for you,you can’t jist do this one thing for us’ and so I relent. I actually don’t argue against anything anymore but this one just seems such a nonsense.

The thing in this situation is that no one actually needs my support. I’m not close to the people attending who will be genuinely upset and they’ll have other people there to support them. My parents won’t be upset, they barely knew her either. It just feels insincere.

It depends if your aunt would appreciate it if you went. If she would then I'd go.

I would

You're not a shitty person to put yourself first when you know no-one will be hurt by your actions.

Ime funerals of a close family member are endured and got through and whilst you're very appreciative of people who do go, the ones who don't barely register as you've enough to be bothering with.

Some people do seem to be obsessed with the whole "family sticks together" thing like the world is one big episode of Eastenders but you don't have to go along with it. I'd stand my ground and not go.