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I want to be a midwife...

39 replies

GingerOClock · 24/04/2019 18:48

Put me off!

I have 3 children 7 - 12
Little family support
DH works long unflexible hours
I'm 40
I have no qualifications other that 4 A-C GCSE's

I need to know that I am doing the right thing as this will mean sacrifices for all of us, for a long while.

OP posts:
LipstickHandbagCoffee · 24/04/2019 19:04

It’s not about anyone putting you off,it’s your responsibility to get the relevant info

if someone online telling you the realities of their job puts you off it’s not job for you

Ok,so I’m not a mw..
You don’t have the academic qualifications. You need A levels and/or a access course,evidence of recent study and demonstrable interest in being a mw

You’ll need adequate support when studying or on placement. Either that’s friends/family or you purchase it

However,if you pass you’ll feel a huge sense of achievement
Plenty folk go to uni as a mature student
My friends mum retrained as a nurse in her 40s,she’s now a senior nurse

Your partner must be flexible to your needs

It’s a competitive course,you need to be realistic about the job,the professional and personal demands

GingerOClock · 24/04/2019 19:09

"It’s your responsibility to get the relevant info"

Yes, of course. I'm not making this decision based on the outcome of a thread on mumsnet Hmm

I'm looking at 6 years of study to become qualified, I understand this. I don't know many midwives (in fact, just one, but not well) so I'm looking for the honest truth from others that have experience either studying or in the job.

OP posts:
HoneysuckIejasmine · 24/04/2019 19:10

If you want to do it OP then go for it. I'd love to be a midwife, just need to organise volunteer experience when my kids are older then I'll apply.

Starlive23 · 24/04/2019 19:13

I haven't got any mw experience but I do have experience of retraining at 35 with children. It was really tough but I'm so glad I did it. Although it was a sacrifice to any and all time I had to myself (what little of it there was!) it was the best decision I ever made and I've never looked back.

If it's something you really want and feel passionately about, then go foe it OP, just don't go into it half arsed as it's a lot of work.

Best of luck!

NicoAndTheNiners · 24/04/2019 19:15

I'm a midwife.

You won't be able to do it without good childcare.

You will have to work the shifts your mentor works and you won't get a choice over this. Most childcare doesn't start early enough or finish late enough for shifts. You can expect to start a day shift about 7:30 am and finish it about 7:30pm. You'll have to work nights and weekends. On top of this you'll have exams to revise for and assignments to write.

You'll miss nativity plays, sports days, etc.

But if your dh can do all childcare drop offs and pick ups or you have family who can help then go for it.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 24/04/2019 19:17

Why are you pulling a face,what I’ve said is correct
No one else recounting their experience of being a mw is compelling enough that either
A) you pursue being a mw
B) you don’t train
No one can talk you in or out,and if they can I’d say you’re unrealistic

Career change requires family support
A realistic achievable plan
Shift work,weekends,public holiday how will you manage this with a family

Student debt to train, there’s no salary.
Its immaterial what anyone else says you don’t have the academic qualifications, sort that out
Get a back up plan.if not accepted what will you do

ziggiestardust · 24/04/2019 19:18

I used to work with a lady who did it! She was in her mid 30s with 3 kids when she left, her partner was working nights and money was REALLY tight. Like, partner working a second job when they both already worked full time, tight.

Anyways, she did it!! And she’s super happy! I always found the Midwives who were mums already were the best at anticipating my needs, so I bet you’d be amazing at it!

Zebraantelopegiraffe · 24/04/2019 19:19

Little family support and partner working long in flexible hours is a huge hurdle.

Midwifery is 24/7, with long 12/13 hour shifts, leaving late and days and nights. Might be worth looking at the continuity of carer that's coming in nationwide too - will involve flexible working and being on call.

You will need solid childcare arrangements and a plan b for them too.

The training is hard, doing a degree and shift work, and now the bursary has gone it's also a huge financial burden for not a great wage long term. You would need to do an access course too prior to this.

Make sure you really do your research to be sure you know what you are getting yourself into - it's a wonderful wonderful job most of the time but the times it's not it's really really really not.

umberellaonesie · 24/04/2019 19:22

I am currently studying. Only really able to because of DHs flexibility with work. He does the majority of childcare, house work associated mental load ( school stuff, hospital appointments, after school activities etc etc)
I just finished a 8 week placement which is graded and was studying/revising for the biggest exams in the course at the same time. So 3/4 12.5 hour shifts a week and then studying 4/5 hours a day on days off. It was all consuming and exhausting and without DH, my mum and a fantastic childminder it wouldn't be possible. My kids miss me terribly.
But I am excited about my future career and it will put our family in a much better financial position.
You follow you mentor on Placement so no choice in shifts and I have had mentors on permanent nights, only worked weekends etc etc. You just have to smile and turn up.
It is a full time degree in every sense of the word with only 6 week's holiday a year and even if you are only in uni a couple of days a week during theory blocks you need to do lots of self study. So it is basically a full time job. A huge a commitment but worth it for me and my family.

Prequelle · 24/04/2019 19:26

A lot of the people who did it successfully in this thread probably had more financial help than what is available now.

umberellaonesie · 24/04/2019 19:30

Also once qualified you are at the mercy of the jobs available very little opportunity to go part time and almost guaranteed to be shift work.
I am hoping my local authority do adopt the continuity of care model whole heartedly and do case loading. As I have done this in previous jobs and it works well for my family's needs.
But the reality is even once qualified I will be working full time shifts and at the bottom of the rung for booking off duty.so will have to suck up what I'm given until my face is known and I have established myself in the team. But it is the most amazing job and I just love being with women, it really is the best.

umberellaonesie · 24/04/2019 19:32

And Prequelle is right I'm on Scotland so still have the bursary and no debt. No way could I do it otherwise the financial gain and pension would be cancelled out by student loan repayments. I am 37 and have 3 children.

GingerOClock · 24/04/2019 19:33

Thank you for the insights - it's so hard to picture what life will be like - really appreciate you taking the time to reply!
I know it will be hard, but I'm incredibly passionate about this so I hope that will be enough to pull me through!

OP posts:
GingerOClock · 24/04/2019 19:33

Lipstick - Biscuit

OP posts:
babypeach · 24/04/2019 19:37

Hello

I really hope you make a go of it OP. I managed two years of the degree and it was the best thing I’d ever done. Hard (in every sense) but when it’s what you want to do you just know. I never dreaded a shift the way I dreaded office work and I loved working with lots of amazing intelligent passionate people.

However , in the end I had to give up as the family members providing the early/late childcare sadly got ill and my dh had to take an incredibly unpredictable and inflexible role. I simply cannot do the shifts anymore. So if you do it make sure you have back ups and more back ups for childcare.

Also as pp noted all courses now have to give experience of continuity of care-this means going on call for women with your mentor and, in your third year for your own women. It varies between trusts but for me all my community placements required me to go on call at least twice a week as a student. So, out on visits all day, then on call until 0800 the next day.

This is because of the government plan to ensure continuity for the majority of women which is brilliant for Women but does mean that continuity and on calls will become more and more the way you have to work unless you are a core hospital midwife, so you need to consider long term, not just the degree in terms of childcare etc.

In terms of academics it is more than possible to do an access course etc to prove recent study but you need to check what each uni needs (also check the hospitals they work with as often you get no choice in where you are placed so need to be able to reach them for early starts as well as random clinics and children’s centres for community). Most unis need study within 5 years also but again it varies.

If you can do it and really feel it’s for you then do. For me I so so sad I had to stop. Am hoping perhaps to get into it again or at least maternity care at some point but it’ll have to wait.

Good luck!!

Pindlesandneedles · 24/04/2019 19:39

Have you read this is going to hurt by Adam Kay? I know he was a doctor but in obstetrics. I think it really outlines some of the realities and sacrifices that healthcare professionals make.
Good luck with whatever decision you make xx

NicoAndTheNiners · 24/04/2019 19:51

Yes it's likely that by the time most current first year students qualify nhs trusts will be working in a continuity of care model. So you won't work shifts as such but will have a caseload and be on call most of the time in case one of your women goes into labour.

MaudebeGonne · 24/04/2019 19:52

What is it about midwifery that appeals to you? The course is intense and grueling with little flexibility in it. The majority of work is in the NHS and as much as I love it, it is a hard place to hold onto your ideals. You will be expected to adhere to policy you don't agree with and oftentimes feel frustrated by the priorities of the system.

I know women who have trained, at a considerable cost - financial and emotional, who have never practiced, or who have become doula's or lactation consultants or parentcraft teachers - none of which require a midwifery degree, and who have a much better work/life balance. If you want to empower women at a vulnerable time there are things like family support workers who do amazing work, And don't need to spend 6 years relying on family support themselves.

Saying that some of the most inspiring midwives I know did their training as mature students, with families to support and they have made it work. Lots of people got divorced too.

It is an amazing job, but it is hard work. Go on to with your eyes wide open. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Do you really need to be a midwife to get from here to there? If so, best of luck.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 24/04/2019 19:58

Ginger?for someone who’s seeking opinion you’re v touchy.
I’m not a mw but I do have a senior NHS position.i know the score
I had a Difficult arduous training,I’ve worked shifts,it impacts on every aspect of family life. I’ve missed sport day,plays,weddings.worked public holidays

I trained before I had dc,and had my kids when I was solvent and senior. I went back FT too.

Being a mw isn’t all babies it’s health education,safeguarding,working with partner agencies. Working to policies, returning data, record keeping,supervising junior staff,students. As a mw You need an emotional resilience and academic ability

My job?ive seen,read,witnessed unspeakable things.been immersed I. difficult situations,trauma and death.
and then I’ve had to go home. Really

threeboysandus · 24/04/2019 20:04

I am a midwife and trained with three kids, well actually had two starting and had the third in the middle and never needed to take time off.

It's an amazing career and completely manageable. Your kids are older too which is great, would an au pair be an option?

threeboysandus · 24/04/2019 20:08

Also I work in a very busy hospital in Ireland and I have never had to miss any of my children's events.

Yes we do have to work xmas etc but you get used to it. I worked night this year but got home in time for Santa and just got up a bit earlier for dinner and to chill with the kids before work. I find shift work really family friendly, I work 3 x 13 hour shifts a week

GingerOClock · 24/04/2019 20:09

Lipstick - I don't know where you get the impression that I'm in it for the babies. You have no idea, really. You seem very hostile, hence the Biscuit

I thank you for the insight you've given in your last post though- ignoring your incorrect presumptions.

OP posts:
LipstickHandbagCoffee · 24/04/2019 20:15

You asked about being a mw I giving an informed opinion
Reread my posts I’ve actually been realistic and & encouraging to you
What are you seeking? That I say its all great,lovely,lil babies.it isn’t
I have seen numerous posts on mn,people saying they love babies,have their own and want to be a mw

IMO the key will be securing adequate support whilst you’re on placement
And you need to get the academic entry qualification
It’s competitive entry,I’d consider a back up plan if you don’t get on the course

GingerOClock · 24/04/2019 20:26

MaudebeGonne - I have always felt drawn to it. I supported an older friend through pregnancy, birth and the first few months when I was 17, I know not at all the same but I wonder if that has stayed with me. I considered going into midwifery then but uni seemed so daunting and unobtainable.

After I had my third child I did some volunteer work at the local children's centre, including breastfeeding support with a view to gaining as much experience as possible to perhaps peruse a career in that area, however 3 small children and having to earn a wage put an end to that.

Now secondary school is in sight, I'm taking a career break and I find myself drawn again to midwifery.

My Grandma was a nurse,I have fond memories of waiting for her to wake on Christmas Day after a night shift, I thought she was amazing.

I have a lot of personal qualities well suited to the job. I have 3 children of my own and all of the life experience that goes with that. Not only that but I have a large network of friends that have supported me, and I them in return. Some haven't had the happy ever after and I have supported them through horrific grief, I've suprised myself at not only how well I've been able to cope, but how able I was at giving support- something I doubted when I was younger

I think I'm rambling now!

OP posts:
GingerOClock · 24/04/2019 20:48

"What are you seeking? That I say its all great,lovely,lil babies."

I'm seeking honest accounts of just how shit and hard it really is- to give me a broader understanding of what I'm really getting myself into. The prospectus that I have in front of me isn't doing that.

OP posts: