flowers.

[blahblahblahniks]

One Friday, two women were sitting and talking. One woman looked up and saw her husband coming down the street with a bunch of flowers in his hand.
She rolled her eyes and said, "There comes the a**hole with flowers in his hand. Now he'll expect me to spend the weekend on my back with my legs in the air."
Her friend promptly replied, "Don't you have a vase?"

A woman appeared in court charged with theft.

The judge asked her what she stole.

She replied, a box of four fillets of fish.

He decreed that she should serve a week for each item she stole, so 4 weeks.

Her husband piped up from the gallery, but she stole a tin of peas too!!