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Original poster

Would your 11yo son be ok with this?

30 replies

thelastgoldeneagle · 23/04/2019 21:13

DS has been asked to represent his county in a sport. There's an event coming up soon where he has to go for the weekend to do the sport. He'll be picked up by coach on Sat afternoon with the rest of the team, none of whom he knows, and taken to another city, where they will stay the night before the event.

They'll be taken to the event the next day and do the event, then parents can pick up the dc afterwards.

DS is really nervous about it.

I can see why - he's worried about meeting new people, what if he can't find anyone to talk to, and he's nervous about the event.

What can I tell him to make him feel better??

And would your 11yo dc be OK doing this?

OP posts:
BitchPeas · 23/04/2019 21:18

My DS is 11 and would be fine with that. I absolutely would not have been ok doing that at 11!

Could you go and stay in the hotel too then watch him in his event to ease his worries?

Stiffasaboard · 23/04/2019 21:20

Mine wouldn’t if he didn’t know the coach or the other players

I’d take him myself

Original poster
thelastgoldeneagle · 23/04/2019 21:20

No parents where the athletes are staying, sadly. We can watch but don’t know if he will see us...

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11 year olds Families
Whitelisbon · 23/04/2019 21:21

My dd has done this a few times, first time she was 12. She almost backed out of the first time, but I made her go, with the promise that if she didn't enjoy it, I'd never make her do it again. I tried telling her that she wouldn't be the only one there on a first time, and the older kids would look out for the younger ones, as they'd remember being there themselves.
She had a whale of a time, and came home having made loads of new friends.
She's now 16, and loves her weekends away, she's always making new friends, and seeing old ones again. And she's fab at helping the young, nervous ones.
The adults know who's new, and who's nervous, and look out for them.

Original poster
thelastgoldeneagle · 23/04/2019 21:21

We’re not allowed to take the dc ourselves - event is too big and too busy for parents to be milling around.

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itsnotso · 23/04/2019 21:26

My eldest has been in a few theatre productions which has seen her be away for weeks at a time. She was 7 for her first show, I drove her to London to where she would be staying, and there were lots of other excited boys and girls. Leaving her was heartbreaking, but she was buzzing off the excitement. Now she's older (10), she feels more socially awkward and is always nervous when it's time to go. Nothing I say makes her feel better, but when she's home, it's nothing but positive stories. All you can say is what you've already said, if they don't like it, they don't have to do it again. But it does do them the world of good and they will meet lots of other children who will be feeling exactly the same way.

Original poster
thelastgoldeneagle · 23/04/2019 21:29

Thank you. He will be one of the youngest ones. The manager knows he’s nervous and will keep an eye on him, but ds does worry and gets himself worked up.

It’s just one night, I keep saying. Think of all the stories you’ll have when you come home! Think of telling people at school what fun you had...

OP posts:
Original poster
thelastgoldeneagle · 23/04/2019 21:30

Blimey, itsnotso, how does she fit that in with school?

OP posts:
formerbabe · 23/04/2019 21:33

My ds would be fine...I wouldn't be!

formerbabe · 23/04/2019 21:34

But it's perfectly understandable that some children might be nervous.

Original poster
thelastgoldeneagle · 23/04/2019 21:35

I just want him to become more confident, to embrace these opportunities and make the most of them - he may not get the chance again!

OP posts:
1busybee · 23/04/2019 21:36

My ds has done similar but with a team of kids he knew. I think he d be really nervous going with strangers, having said that the passion for the sport normally wins over!!

DizzySue · 23/04/2019 21:47

My DS would've been very nervous at 11, but it's one of those things that once he pushed himself to do he would've loved it.

I would reassure him with the following facts:

  1. every other child on the team will be in the same boat and not know anyone either

  2. the adults (coaches?) in charge will be very used to 11yo kids and their needs, they will have dealt with all sorts of problems etc.

  3. it is pretty amazing to be asked to represent his country, only kids with a certain amount of discipline, maturity and resilience will be given this honour - he is totally up for the challenge!

TowerRingInferno · 23/04/2019 22:29

There’s no way my 11 yo would do this. He’d be incredibly anxious.

QueenofLouisiana · 23/04/2019 22:33

DS has done this, starting age 12. The coaches paired him up with a child they felt he would be well matched with- they know the children involved across the whole county.
The team looked out for the youngest children. DS now knows them reasonably well, although he doesn’t train with them regularly. He competes against them every month or so and likes to catch up.

Original poster
thelastgoldeneagle · 24/04/2019 07:37

Thanks. There are a a mix of responses. That's good to know. I didn't want ds to be the only shy/anxious kid of his age!

OP posts:
itsnotso · 24/04/2019 07:56

@thelastgoldeneagle school have to be supportive of child performers. They do get tutored but it's limited to a few hours a day. She came home back in October, returning to normal school and she hasn't auditioned for anything since, so we've a bit of normality for now. I'd like to think all of this has made her a confident individual who will transition into secondary school well, but as she's got older she doesn't mix as well and finds approaching people difficult. I know that once she's there tho and all settled, she's fine and your son will be too 🌸

FishCanFly · 24/04/2019 09:35

what a great opportunity! Mine would love it

Disfordarkchocolate · 24/04/2019 09:39

One of mine did this and it was fine, he knew some of the team from training and competitions and the manager/coach was used to new members joining. We always go to see him compete and he could see us (nip over between events). It was a great experience.

RomaineCalm · 24/04/2019 09:49

Mine would be pretty anxious although I think would do it. I'm not sure that I would be very happy about it.

Is there any opportunity for him to meet some of the others before the event, even if you have to take him somewhere else in the county for a weekend?

Original poster
thelastgoldeneagle · 24/04/2019 10:20

No, no time before event to meet others. If ds qualifies again next year he will see them again, and he will see them at other events this year, but team members live pretty far apart so no way to socialise/meet before event.

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Original poster
thelastgoldeneagle · 28/04/2019 22:42

So it was the London mini marathon. He did so well. Really proud of him for conquering all his fears.

OP posts:
ChicCroissant · 28/04/2019 22:50

Ah, that's a lovely update OP - well done to your son and I'm glad he enjoyed it!

RomaineCalm · 28/04/2019 23:24

Wow! Good for him, that's brilliant. Thanks so much @thelastgoldeneagle for the update. Smile

riverislands · 29/04/2019 08:44

Well done to your DS!

My DD used to get anxious at new things, and we used to get her to push through too. I think they have so many first times in their lives, they need to learn to negotiate them. I would never have driven her myself, unless other parents were, because that is how they learn that they can cope, and also get the benefit of meeting new people.

I hope your DS found the social side of the experience, on the coach, ok.