Depression explaining

[edsheeranpaidmoretaxthanccola]

Really close relative is going through a very hard time and having to make some big adjustments due to depression. My DH just doesn't get it. Anytime we talk about it he compares it to his life and says he copes. WTF. How can we both support our family member if he has this attitude to depression and how can I help him see depression isn't always situational?

Depression is not something you choose, it happens to you and even if you won the lottery you would still be depressed.

There are many celebrities that despite their success and wealth still suffer with depression

You can’t just buck yourself up

Having a low mood or feeling down in the dumps because of problems in your life is not the same as depression.

One way I used to explain it to people who think a depressed person should just "cheer up" is to think of depression as an inability to cheer yourself up. Or to put it another way, think about times when you're really down - then think about the things you would do to make yourself feel better e.g. talk to a friend, watch some nice TV, count your blessings, do something you enjoy etc. Now imagine that none of those things work, despite your best efforts. That's part of how depression works. It's a horrible feeling when you know that life is basically good and you should feel happy, but you just can't pull your mood up. (A long time ago for me now, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone!)

I don't know if that might help explain it? Hope your relative is ok.

Sometimes when people compare how they cope with life events to how someone with depression copes, I describe it as walking on a tightrope. If you don't have depression,you are the one walking on the steady,stable ground - life throws you a little knock,you might stumble a little, might need a second to get your pace back up but it doesn't stop you,it's not dangerous. Even a major knock, it might take awhile but you will get back up, because you have the steady ground. Whereas if you have depression,you are on the tightrope. It doesn't matter why you are up there,you may never have a "reason" to be depressed,you just are. The little knock that only made the person on the ground stumble a little, could mean you are freefalling. Every knock or bump is exhausting because you are using so much energy just walking on the tightrope. You have nothing left. You don't have the stable and steady ground to help you. Sometimes just existing,just walking on that tightrope takes everything you have. The thoughts of having to drag yourself back up after every little knock, never mind a major one,can be soul destroying.
You can't compare how the person on the ground and the person on the tightrope deals with things,because the stakes are completely different for the two of them

pp have given some good analogies you could try using. The way I describe it to people is if you experience a traumatic event a healthy response would be to feel sad, fearful, low, empty, drained etc. If you have those same feelings without any significant event and they don't go away, then that's a sign of depression.
I hope your family member gets the hell they need to get through it.

help they need!

Thank you these are perfect. I'm sorry you've gone through this 💐. My relative is getting help through counseling but has been on four different anti depressants and had horrible reactions to some that seem to have caused issues with their stomach. They're prepared to try other AD's but the gastro problem is significant and the GP is dismissive because they are young.

I once read a post about how depression could be compared with being in a relationship with an abusive partner, but the partner is your brain.

It was a weird post but at some points I was nodding along going yep. That could be a way?

People have a tendency to gloss over MH because it can feel quite inconvenient to them and may make them feel bad about a lack of support they have given to that person or someone else. Your DH doesn't have to fully understand depression to offer support, sympathy and compassion to someone who is unwell.