Nursery dilema

[Biolama]

Hi, My son is 22 months old. When my maternity leave finished, it made no financial sense to return to the same job taking into consideration the cost of childcare so I began working around my DH’s hours for extra income and stayed at home through the day with my son. Now in September I’m starting a degree which requires me to be at uni 9-5 for 3 days a week. I’ve sorted a nursery for my son that is close to my university and have taken him to look around.

We’re planning on doing settling in sessions during May and getting him to start 1 day a week in June-September, then 4 days a week from September onwards with the vision of giving me a full day out of uni to do assignments and generally a day where I don’t have to rush.

The only problem is my son has some developmental delay (HV currently doing monthly assessments) and cannot grasp the concept of drinking from a cup, sippy, straw or anything that is not a baby bottle. We’ve tried since he was 6 months old to introduce a beaker. We’ve tried every cup that the supermarkets sell with various different lids, 360 cups, straw cups and he just doesn’t get it. He won’t even drink out of a different baby bottle it has to be the same tommee tippee ones he’s had since birth. Our HV said after all the fuss, to keep pressuring him will only give him a complex so to just relax and let him have the botte until he gets to grips and catches up (other development delays in communication and gross motor). He used to say a few words and now it’s like he has forgotten how to speak and says the words but with his mouth shut all the time. He also only eats certain foods such as blueberries, porridge, strawberries, easy peelers, toast (not bread), beans, cheese, fish fingers and mash. To get vitamins and fibre into him I have to blend vegetables up and mix them in with his mashed potato. He doesn’t use cutlery. We’ve always given it to him and he used to be able to use them but again seems to have forgotten and no amount of showing / coaxing will get him to use them. It’s very fustrating.

When I was speaking to the manager of the nursery about this and she said they serve the nursery menu and nothing else which is fair enough, I’m thinking if he has a good breakfast before going and a large meal when he gets home he should be ok for those days and hopefully end up copying the other children anyway. She said he won’t be allowed to drink from a baby bottle. It’s water only (he absolutely never drinks water either very diluted squash that is pretty much water but it has to look purple or milk). I’ve tried since he was 6 months old to get him to drink water but to no avail. He’s gone weeks without a proper drink before (on HV instruction) and hasn’t caved.

Is this right of them to say he cannot have a drink at nursery? I know the idea is to get him to drink from another utensil but he absolutely won’t do that, even the health visitor has said leave it a few more months at least before trying again because of how traumatising it is for both him and me. Surely once or twice a day they could take him away from the other children and give him a quick drink from his bottle if the issue is the other kids aren’t allowed?

I can always try another nursery but the manager of this one said every childcare setting she knows absolutely will refuse to give a (by then) 2 year old a bottle to drink from. It seems like such a trivial thing but in the height of summer, not being able to drink for up to 10 hours a day really isn’t fair surely?!

I don't see anything wrong with what peonies said there? Your ds won't starve, he'll just likely learn through watching his peers.

Look for another nursery.

A good nursery will accommodate for your childs needs.
They will organise a meeting with the SENCO (special educational needs co-ordianatior) and if needed put a care plan into place to help your child cope and settle in

A good nursery / nursery manager would not say these things to you.

There's a good possibility that in a different setting he will drink from the cup (and water or milk) and will eat the food. Kids don't act the same as at home. The only cup dd would use (she never took a bottle as she was bf until 16 months) was the anywayupcup in one colour - she was diagnosed autistic at 2.

That nursery sounds completely useless. My daughter, who has significant delays, was in three different mainstream nurseries and they all bent over backwards to meet her needs.

This included giving her diluted squash when she went through a phase of refusing water or milk, even though the official policy was to offer only water or milk.
And she was allowed to use whatever cup or bottle worked best for her.

Even now, at school, they give her squash if they’re concerned she’s not drinking enough. I’m horrified that any nursery would be so inflexible.

The Nursery Manager is completely wrong in saying no Nurseries will make adjustments to meet a child's needs.

If they don't then they shouldn't be looking after children

To find a Nursery (or Childminder) put 'Family Information Service' then the name of your Local Authority into your search engine and you will get through to the service (now often called Children's Information and Advice Service, but FIS will find it) that every A will have.

Or

Go on to OFSTED's website / Find an Inspection Report /Tick Childminder and daycare option / Put in your location (or the University location) and how far you are prepared to look (3 miles or 5 miles etc).

That does not sound helpful at all. My DS who has no additional needs, could not reliably drink from a beaker (and I tried them all!) until about 18 months. DS2 was drinking entirely from a beaker at 10 months. Children are so different and I would think a nursery should be able to facilitate whatever is required.

I don't see anything wrong with what peonies said there? Your ds won't starve, he'll just likely learn through watching his peers.

This isn't a kid who refuses to tie his own shoe laces or wants to have one food every day, it's a kid with developmental delays and is being monitored because of regressions. The OP needs to know that the setting she chooses will actually care for her child in the way he needs. If that means in a month he's caught up with his peers then great, but if it doesn't where is she supposed to find faith in a nursery manager with such rigid views?

As an aside, some children really struggle with going to nursery one day a week. My DD was one of those who did. Our nursery actually changed its policy to require children to attend on 2 separate days - they didn't demand more hours so it wasn't about money, they just felt children settled better attending on 2 shorter days than just one day a week.

PPs are right. At age 2 or 3 lots of children who later go on to be diagnosed with delays may not have a diagnosis or even have issues noticed yet. They all need to be treated according to their need and that categorically should include giving a bottle to a 2 year old if that's the only way he will drink.

I think, though, that sometimes there is a difference between what the nursery will say and what it will do. They don't want to be doing parents' jobs for them in toilet training, eating skills etc so some settings might downplay the support that they would actually give if needed, to motivate any parents who are "just lazy" to try to teach these skills before the child comes to nursery. They don't know you, they don't know how hard you are working with him. I would absolutely be looking elsewhere but if you really can't find another option, I find it really hard to imagine they'd actually follow through on refusing to give him a drink all day.