Is anyone else's DH like this - it drives me mad!

[Floatingfancy]

Together for seven years, married for 2. One toddler DS.

In pretty much all other ways - household tasks etc - DH pulls his weight and is an equal partners. The one way in which he is not, however, is really starting to do my head in and I wondered if anyone else's partners were the same.

He never makes any plans for the weekends/days together as a family. If I come up with the idea he's happy to do whatever it is I suggest, but he NEVER comes up with any ideas of his own. If I ask him what he wants to do today he just says "I don't mind, what do you want to do?". I would love it if he just SUGGESTED something of his own volition for once!

He wasn't always like this, before we had DS it was him planning all our holidays and looking up things to do but for some reason now we have DS that baton has been passed to me and I don't like it.

Anyone else? I have spoken to him about it and he knows he is doing it but nothing seems to change. He just says he doesn't mind what we do so he's happy for me to suggest things.

I am tempted to suggest absolutely nothing today and see how long it takes before he suggests we leave the flat. We live in a small flat with no garden so it is essential we go outdoors every day to some extent. I'm sure if it was up to him we'd just sit inside all day watching TV.

Can't you tell him that next week he is making plans? Or alternate each Sunday/Saturday planning?

Yes my DH is like that too! I often wonder if it’s a pride thing, ie if he suggests something does he think I’ll shout him down and make him feel silly? Often people don’t like being the one who takes responsibility for making a decision, which is annoying for the one who has to plan everything all the time! My dh says to take it as a compliment that he would be happy to do nothing

Meant “shoot” not “shout” - that would be mean!!!

I hear you.
However don't sit about and wait. It just adds to the frustration and half the day is wasted.

Just say to him "I haven't made any plans for us today, so do you want to think of something to do/somewhere to go whilst I go and have a shower?"

The hard bit (I find) is then not criticising his choice or saying I want to do something else.

We have the same with meal times too.

Its too easy to just take in these roles and reinforce patterns of behaviour.

Letting them know you want or need so nothing to change helps

Yes lack of initiative here aswell

Drives me bloody mad

Also great in doing chores, carrying out instructions

A true foot soldier

You have my sympathy Op

The hard bit (I find) is then not criticising his choice or saying I want to do something else

Yeah that's it isn't it. Like his "idea" would usually be the park, and I have to bite my tongue to refrain from saying "AGAIN?!"

God, DH is like this and (sorry OP) has got worse with age.

I did have a small tantrum last week when I requested he pick me up a ready meal as I was on a night shift. The angst and hand wringing, not to mention the phone calls from the middle of Waitrose nearly finished our relationship off that day