Struggling with sleep(leanness) and feel like I'm letting DD down

[Badgerbadgerbadgerbadger]

She's 13 months, used to wake up every 30-45 mins when she was little but she now only wakes every 2-3 hours which isn't too bad but I think I'm probably more tired than I realise as she's an active little thing too and up at 5.30 most days and wants to walk round and round everywhere all the time! I'm thinking about sleep training but a lot of the time when she wakes she is really restless, flinches, tries to sleep and cries and my instinct is she needs comfort.

Like all babies/toddlers she often has nights where she is up more or up for hours at a time in the night and this is one of those. My DH is going through a lot at the moment and is struggling so I'm reluctant to ask for his help with nights (and she is still breastfeeding although she's not waking to feed as such, though it's a useful tool)

I just broke down in sobs and she's been looking at me with her big eyes and I feel like I've let her down when I should be her rock. I feel like I want to be more fun in the day but sometimes it's like I'm only half awake and I struggle to find the extra to be more engaging. I want to talk to her all the time about what we're doing etc but it feels so hard sometimes. I do interact with her all the time though and she's very sociable and seems very happy. She does have some physical problems which are being investigated at the moment which are a huge worry. I feel like these constant wake ups are bad for her brain and development too. there's just so much going on it's overwhelming.

I love her so much and I wanted to write this somewhere but I don't know how anyone can help! She doesn't seem to want to cosleep so she is back in her cot, trying to drift off but tossing and turning every so often.

I'll pull myself together in a bit and stop catastrophising and get on with things.

Should be sleeplessness!

Oh my goodness, you must be utterly exhausted. Please don’t feel guilty, this is really really bad. You’ve done amazingly well so far by the sound of it

Could you cosleep for a bit? It’s a pain in the arse by if she wants you you might both get a good nights sleep

I recommend you stop breastfeeding and work on getting her to sleep through the night, for both your sakes.

This happened to me, at exactly the stage you are at. My DS fed every two hours in the night. One day I just said to my husband - I need a full night's sleep, you need to deal with DS - and I went to the spare room. Felt so guilty about it as he BFed in the night, but a year of not sleeping had got to me! Can DH help out at the weekend when he is less busy?

It didn't answer all the problems, but it helped me (you lose perspective with lack of sleep.)

You are doing so well. To be thinking and worrying about how you are interacting with your child shows you are a good mum. If you decide to sleep train, remember you are doing them a favour teaching them how to sleep. My DS never really did, and I kind of blame myself for almost being too responsive to him in the night/evening.

Thanks for the replies. Got another hour or so between 5 and 6.

I feel much more rational now it's daylight! I'm not sure it is that bad, I only have one and I'm not working at the moment (although I did previously have a high pressure job with long hours and commute, and this is more tiring!)

FIL is sadly terminally ill and DH is travelling a lot to help with his care as well as working so I don't feel it's fair to ask him.

She doesn't want to cosleep, again she drifts off but then starts to roll about in her sleep until she wakes, she never seems comfy. She doesn't feed to sleep and can go to sleep on her own initially but she gets so worked up trying to sleep that she eventually sits up and shouts. She just wants a cuddle and reassurance just like I did when I posted here last night.

The only thing holding me back from sleep training is that if it's pain and discomfort due to her conditions (possible but unlikely) I feel she deserves that comfort.

But I do worry that it's the wrong call and detrimental to us all. I just don't know.

Has anyone sleep trained gently without too many tears or is that a unicorn idea?

Meant to say gets so worked up when she seems so uncomfortable after drifting off and keeps waking herself up. I even checked her bum for worms because it's as if something like that is driving her mad!

She’s 13 months, there will be other signs if she’s in pain. There is a big difference between her and a newborn. If you have the spare cash how about employing a sleep trainer? Then they do all the hard work