DH in serious accident

[Ihatesoddingcancer]

I don’t want to give away to many identifying details, but DH was involved in a serious accident last week.
He’s now out of hospital, and I’m looking after him, but I am really struggling with how awful it was. He remembers very little luckily, but I keep reliving how ill he was and how terrifying all the shouting doctors and nurses were.
I’ve been told several times how lucky we are to still have him, and I keep reliving it all.
Does anyone have any advice? DS is thankfully too young to know that something awful happened, and understands that daddy is feeling poorly - but I feel completely at sea

I had a traumatic event and went through similar reactions afterwards, it's pretty normal but can be extremely distressing. The problem for me was that I felt almost 'stuck' in that moment of panic, the bit where all the worst possible outcomes are running through your head and you're potentially facing something utterly devastating. I knew logically that the worst hadn't happened, that things had ended better than I'd feared, but it was like the way I felt hadn't caught up.

I agree with doowapwap, it's important not to block the memories and especially not to cut them off at the point where things were at their worst. Consciously make yourself follow the memory through all the way to now, with DH stable and on the mend, hopefully that will help you to not get stuck in the 'panic' section of what happened.

It's really early days though and you need to be kind to yourself while it runs it's course, including asking for help if you need it. Wishing you and DH a speedy recovery

Sorry, I conked out with the phone of my chest! This is all so helpful.
The long term prognosis is good, and with time it’s hoped he’ll make a very good recovery.
People have been really kind, and just keep telling me to sleep and eat. I think what I really need to do maybe is just say outloud to someone what I was really most scared of.
Thank you for the following to the end of the though advice. I definitely haven’t been doing that.

Mitzi

What helped me after OH had a serious head injury was talking about it, firstly to friends and family and then to a therapist. Therapist was also a psychiatrist and recognised symptoms of PTSD (I had a few other traumas haunting me, which complicated the picture)

Went through a similar situation with my husband- he suddenly became very ill, and the repercussions were potentially life changing. We are nearly 12 months on, he’s doing better than ever expected, but I only told him yesterday about some of my issues. How every time he has pain, I immediately go back to the start, when I was dismissive of his symptoms, and then the panic of seeing the consultants doing the neurological tests, and it not going well.

The early days were very, very tough. Having time to sleep was hard to find, and when I did, it was hard to switch off. Then nightmares.

Things that helped- allowing myself to take pressure off where I could. Work were amazing. I didn’t do any work for a bit. Ready meals, convenience food, letting others help with bits of child care. House work was non existent.

Be kind to yourself. He is dealing with his stuff- probably focusing on physical right now. You need to give yourself permission to look after yourself. Does he have any friends who could come for an hour and entertain him? I remember one of his friends coming, and I just told him where coffee was and went to bed for couple hours. That feeling of being able to pass responsibility for an hour was really helpful.

Take it slowly- what do we need to get through the next ten minutes? Hour? Day?
It gets easier, although I will never be the same. Look after yourself.

Acute Stress Disorder occurs pretty much immediately after an event. I had it after witnessing and being first on scene to a RTC with multipke fatalities. Fortunately it only lasts about a month and is helped by taking naps during the day to help your brain process the info particularly if you cant sleep at night or have flash backs.

It’s almost like I’m unable to rid myself of the adrenaline from that night

This probably sounds a bit mad in the circumstances, but physical activity could help with the physiological effects, there's a really good book about how trauma impacts your body and how your fight or flight mechanism gets stuck because you haven't discharged the hormones released, Dr Peter Levine's Waking The Tiger. He talks about how shaking helps with this, but that is often suppressed. Apparently some military units are made to undertake rigorous physical exercise after being in a traumatic situation to help to close the circle. Your comment about the adrenaline made me think about this. Hope things get better soon.

I hope your DH recovery is a speedy one.

How scary for you OP It’s a usual reaction to trauma. It may lessen with time, it’s still early days. If not see your GP who can signpost the right service for you.

Wishing you all the very best.

It’s sounds like you’re having a totally normal reaction to something very traumatic - the way we process trauma psychologically, emotionally and physically is really complex.

Physical exercise can help with the adrenaline dump, so can things like yoga, breathing exercises and mindfulness. Being able to talk about your feelings to someone - a friend or a therapist - is really important. So is letting yourself cry, scream or whatever way you want to discharge some of the emotion of it. Also try to take things slower than usual - give yourself lots of time and space to relax, it can be tempting to keep busy so that you don’t dwell on how you’re feeling but that keeps your adrenal system “up”, try to do things you enjoy and that relax you.

It’s really hard, but remember you’ve been through a huge shock, of course you’re going to struggle somewhat. It’s too early to be thinking ptsd - if things go much beyond a month or so it may be a possibility but at the moment it sounds like your system is trying to process what’s happened to you.

Life hasn't the potential to change in an instant, and this has probably woken you up to that. My DM was killed in a car accident, it certainly gives you a wake up call. Me and DH immediately wrote our wills the following week.
Look after yourself.

My son was involved in a serious accident a couple of years ago. He is ok. In the immediate weeks afterwards my mind was full of all the what ifs. I would obsess over similar accidents in the newspapers to see the outcome. I was trying to convince myself that the statistics were on his side even though I could see that he was already ok. Of course the worst case scenarios are the ones that are published so it was not very reassuring.

Anyway my main point is that I am ok now. I think my brain needed to make sense of what had happened and the only way to do that is to spend a lot of time thinking about it. I saw a psychologist while we were still in the hospital who said that symptoms like flashbacks, nightmares and anxiety are normal for three months after a traumatic event and if it is going to be PTSD that would continue beyond that time.

My husband was very different and said there was no point in dwelling on what might have happened but I think that suppressing those thoughts could be worse in the long term.

I am so sorry this has happened to you. Keep talking to people who are supportive. Hug your husband. Cry when you need to. There will be highs and lows ahead. Be kind to yourself.

Some really great advice. I’ve taken the bull by the horns and one of his friends is coming to sit with him for a couple of hours this lunchtime. I’m going to try and go to the gym. I don’t like going at the best of times, but I think you’re all right, the physical activity may be really helpful.
It’s incredible to think of all of your stories, which are just so devastating for you. Nothing like this has happened to close friends or family - thankfully - so it feels very out on a limb. Hearing how you’ve come through these challenges makes me feel much more positive.

TRE exercises - Trauma Releasing Exercises on You Tube / TRE Yoga (sharing in case helpful to anyone).

to you OP

My DD almost died a couple of years ago - there were 48 hours where I was fobbed off my 7 doctors and she needed emergency surgery to survive. She is fine now.
What really helped me was swimming. I used earplugs and am short sighted without my glasses and the sensory deprivation of ploughing up and down twice a week (I did 67 lengths at a time; 1 mile) meant that I could just think it through, over and over and over. I still have to deliberately rationalise whenever my kids are ill but I think the swimming was immensely helpful in allowing a space to process.