I need to sort myself out.

[Areyousorted12]

I am nearly 50 and have discovered that my family are toxic and I need to walk away from them. My DH and DC are amazing but I am stuck on the fact that the family I thought i had for 50 years never existed.
But I feel so stupid for believing the myth for so long. They have all been laughing at me for ages and it has really hit my confidence hard.
This comes at a time when I am facing the kids having grown up and leaving the nest and re evaluating who I am and what I want. And realising I don't know who I am. I have spent my whole life being who everyone else wanted me to be.
So I need to sort myself out.

1. Lose weight and get back some self esteem and confidence.
2. Get training and new job. But what? How do I figure out what that is.
3. Become more assertive with my family. Who treat me like sh**
4. I am a terrible procrastinater. Probably why I am trying to do this at the she of 50.

Any tips or recommendations? Did you do this and can give me any advice please. I am really broken and have felt suicidal at times thinking how they have all been laughing at me but I need to get my shit together and would really love some help.

Forget your list and concentrate on the here and now. You are an amazing person in your own right and your family have let you down. They are the problem not you. Concentrate on you, your amazing DH and DC.
Don't even think of ending it all. That would only punish your DH and DC. Hold your head up high and love yourself for the strong, resilient courageous person you are.

Thank you so much for your kind words
I realise I can't end it and am trying to move forward. I know my DH and DC are the important people in my life and I need to think of them first. It's just hard to realise that the people you thought would always be there for you won't. Just need to get my head around that.
But I will.

Hard to give precise tips without knowing what kind of extended family set up you have (and not asking you to say here) but:

1. Only give your time & energy to those who give you theirs - anyone else you just smile ("how nice") and move on - imagine you are the Queen - you can't possibly give yourself to everyone
2. Quietly go no or v low contact with all those family members who are toxic. Just withdraw, don't contact, be busy with something (don't say what) and fade out. If you live v close - practise the vague smile, wave and keep going. You may need to work on a hobby or activity out of home to give you the reason to be "out" but...
3. You now need to expand yourself anyway to different things - try something different - anything different - do a lady's intro to clay shooting if you need inspiration (am me if you need help to find one)

Or art classes or cookery or anything

1. If you find yourself thinking about the toxic family - write down the thought then bin it - do not give them headspace

Hope this helps for now

Reading my post back - I'm probably skipping over the family bit - but honestly OP - you need to focus on you now and don't give them any more of your time and that should start now.

Thank you so much for taking the time to write such a considered reply. It's truly appreciated.
I will definitely take on some of your suggestions. I am looking into clay pigeon shooting as we speak. 😀😀