Complete life change - advice please

[Littlefish]

I'm 51 years old. I've been working for the last 20 years in a job which I've always loved, but is completely time and life consuming. Before that, I did a variety of other, enjoyable jobs.

I have a teen dd who is just about to start her GCSE courses and can be very challenging at times.

Things are about to go through a major change for DHs job which means that he will be away regularly. Added to this, 2 very close family members have recently died, meaning that we have no family within 200 miles.

Due to DHs job changes, I've got the opportunity to give up work, have a year or so off, and then start again, if I want, doing something completely different. Alternatively, I could use my skills to volunteer.

What do I do? Giving up work will mean that I can follow my own interests, support dh and dd, and stop working in a career which I enjoy, but is so very stressful.

The original plan was for me to work for 5 more years and then retire early at 56.

Dd will only be at home for about 4 more years before she will hopefully go to university, so this is my last chance to be at home with her.

I'm in a complete quandary!

Any words of advice?

Can you go part time as a bit of a compromise?

I'm already working part time (just dropped from 4 days to 3), but the hours I do outside my working hours are unlikely to lessen.

The problem is that 56 is very young to completely retire I think. It's a time when women can be isolated - they don't have grandchildren, the house is empty and the days are long. My view is that shifting to a more sustainable rhythm so you can stay in the workforce is better.
I'd take the opportunity to take a break (a year sounds too daunting so don't put a time on it), think how you'd like the next decade to go professionally and take it from there.

I did this at 50 and we relocated to a different part of the country. Very enjoyable but very stressful job. Our adult son was already settled elsewhere so we didn’t have that complication.
I took 2 years off sorting the new house, recharging my batteries and then set myself up in a self employed role. Life is so much better.
It was fairly straightforward for us as moving elsewhere meant no money worries, no mortgage, etc.

WorriedMum and FinFinty - your two takes on it are exactly the two sides of my own thinking. On the one hand, the idea of having some time just to re-think things is wonderful, but on the other hand, I'm only 51 and worry I wouldn't find enough to do! Aaargh!

I can empathize with that too. I would basically tell people you're taking a sabbatical without mentioning the length and don't put any pressure on yourself to stay out a year or to look for a job sooner. When you're away from the stressful job, you can take a more holistic view of what your future might hold.

Good luck!

I must admit two years off was enough. I did get very bored despite house, garden, hobbies etc

Thank you both for your thoughts. I like the idea of calling it and thinking about it as a sabbatical rather than "giving up work".

It still feels a bit self-indulgent, but I've had a really tough few years with some health issues and now these two bereavements. Through all of this, I haven't taken any time off work, which has left me feeling burnt out. Added to which, although I love my job, there are some parts of it I just don't agree with and which no longer fit with my own ideals.

Perhaps a sabbatical is just what I need!

I think if you could reduce to 2 days per week then do some interesting voluntary work that would be a lovely balance.
I’ve done various voluntary positions while I was sahm all so different and interesting in different ways - you can literally pick and choose what you fancy doing :)
I’ve done youth offending, sexual health promotion, helped at baby groups, charity trustee and parish councillor over last few years met lovely people and learnt some much. Do-it.org if in uk good place to start.

Postboxed - thank you very much for that link. I'll have a look!