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Original poster

Difficult entitled friend. Please advise wise ones

19 replies

Brightlygoingforward · 20/04/2019 13:01

I have a friend and neighbour. We dog walk together and have occasional nights out. She is good company and we have similar interests.

I am getting increasingly pissed off with her demands and expectations. I have found myself rail raided into helping out with her dog on a couple of occasions. She fell out with her dog walker. I offered to help out ONE occasion, which led to her presuming i would take on this responsibility. She was "off" when I put my foot down and said I couldn't commit to a regular slot . We moved on.

Last week we met up and she asked me to look over some creative work she has done. (My field). I explained I was on holiday this week, was happy to BUT it was dependent on when she needed it by. We agreed Easter Monday.

Cut to Thursday, whatsapps galore saying she wanted it back in Good Friday as she is away this weekend. When can we meet?
I was travelling back yesterday and hugely busy. I offered to pop through her letterbox. No! We had to meet as she wanted verbal feedback etc. It had to be around 7 as she couldn't do earlier. My hackles were uo. I whizzed away from a friends gathering to hand over, she wasn't very grateful and attackedme for over committing (going to a party) . As I said: we'd agreed Easter Monday originally to meet and she shot down all my attempts at meeting when suited me.
I didnt say anything (didn't need a row) but was icy calm. And mentally resolved not to help her again.

I picked up a message from her after the meet which was very blunt regarding me simply stating I wasn't at home and would need to meet her in a different place. She was edgy and angry throughout handover.

She whatsapped me this morning - clearly thinking she may have been out of order, saying thank you and that she didn't mean to seem ungrateful! My input is good.
I'm really pissed off at her !
I feel used and haven't replied to her message. Pondering what to say. I need to tell her that controlling, entitled behaviour to others when they've done you a favour is unacceptable would you bother replying or leave her to stew for a while?

OP posts:

MadisonMontgomery · 20/04/2019 13:07

Honestly I’d just block her, I couldn’t be bothered with all that drama in my life.

Nnnnnineteen · 20/04/2019 13:09

Unless you want to perpetuate this shit sounding friendship, I'd say nothing or at most "You're welcome" and then just stop having anything to do with her.

MintyCedric · 20/04/2019 13:13

Yep...'You're welcome'

...and then I'd change my dog walking route

Weezol · 20/04/2019 13:14

I suspect she's softening you up for the
next 'favour'.

Block her until Tuesday then see how you feel about it all. Let the dust settle and decide what level of friendship (if any) you want. It may be sticking to walking the dogs together and saying no to anything outside that.

Dubbadubbadumdum · 20/04/2019 13:20

I would reply and tell her that she did seem very ungrateful, that you bent over backwards to accommodate her new handover date and she was rude and you will no longer help her with "favours". Let her be upset, she needs to be put back in her place, or she will continue to think that treating you this way is acceptable.

IWantMyHatBack · 20/04/2019 13:23

I'd mute her on what's all for a few days and just be non commital when you do talk to her. She might adjust her expectations or she might react really badly.
After a few days have a brief but honest chat and say she needs to wind her neck in a bit

Original poster

Brightlygoingforward · 20/04/2019 13:27

Thanks - I have felt sorry for her in the last as she is socially awkward. But she is clever and interesting . I'm. It prepared to be treated like a mug though. I'll mute fir a few days. I do suspect she doesn't want to lose me though , largely for the favours! She hasn't many others in her life to turn too

OP posts:

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 20/04/2019 13:30

I agree with muting her for a few days on WA and putting her firmly out of your mind so you can enjoy your weekend. If you decide to reply then make it something short like 'you're welcome' like PP said, but that's it. Then be polite but distant if/when you next see her, and definitely stick to your resolve of not doing her any more favours. If she asks or wants to know what's wrong, I'd be tempted to tell her she's been rude and ungrateful and it's changed the way you see her. I'd be pissed off in your situation too.

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/04/2019 13:32

..,that would be because she’s a bad mannered rude manipulative entitled user and everyone else is sick of it and cut her off.

The good news? You’re now in the same boat and can do the same.

AuntieStella · 20/04/2019 13:33

I would say absolutely nothing.

it seems she knew
a) you'd agreed on Monday
b) it wasn't just inconvenient to you, it cut right in to your plans
c) that she was being demanding, but she has your place in the pecking order as lower so you should suck that up

If you like her company, then still meet up on an ad hoc dog walking basis. But don't do favours for her any more, because you can't trust her right now to understand and respect what it is you have agreed.

As she's also a neighbour, I wouldn't cut her completely as you never know when true emergency might mean you need unexpected help.

Original poster

Brightlygoingforward · 20/04/2019 16:52

Anne loves Gilbert. I do think the "apology" was more to do with needling me for the next favout ! She has difficult relationships with lots of people / including her family . I wonder why? !!

OP posts:

cstaff · 20/04/2019 17:02

Stay friendly by all means but just as neighbours. As for the favours, stuff that and I would agree with PPs that the only reason for her text is to keep you sweet.

ALannisterInDebt · 20/04/2019 17:09

Another vote here for a 'you're welcome' message and then a bit of a cooling off period, walk different route & times, make sure you're a bit busy etc. When you do start seeing her again keep her at arms length a bit and be prepared with an excuse to get you out if more favours.

mummmy2017 · 20/04/2019 17:12

Just leave it
Next time she asks, tell her you feel it causes friction as her expectations are far to rigid.
So you would rather just remain friends.

Splodgetastic · 20/04/2019 17:12

Lol at “my hackles were up”!

OffToBedhampton · 20/04/2019 17:29

I would reply and tell her that she did seem very ungrateful, that you bent over backwards to accommodate her new handover date and she was rude and you will no longer help her with 'favours'.

^^this

BMW6 · 20/04/2019 18:51

"I need to tell her that controlling, entitled behaviour to others when they've done you a favour is unacceptable"

You have written the right response yourself! This is the second time she's taken the piss, tell her frankly that while you enjoy her company you are not going to put up with any more of her pushy behaviour.

saraclara · 20/04/2019 19:02

"Yes, I'm afraid you did seem ungrateful. I went to a lot of trouble to accommodate your change of date at a very busy time for me, but you seemed angry rather than appreciative. I'm glad to know that you are grateful, then. Enjoy your weekend"

Then block her until after the BH.

Offallycheap · 20/04/2019 20:05

Before I had even finished reading, I knew the phrase “socially awkward” was coming.

That’s no excuse for rudeness, but it may well be that she doesn’t see it as that, at that moment. I have a son like this. ASD.

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