How do you get out of a really flat and low mood?

[WhyNotMe40]

I'm feeling really hopeless and teary and no energy. But I've got 3 kids and a house to see to today and just can't get motivated.

Anyone got any ideas?

I've just let them have the tablets out and a bit of screen time so I can at least have a cuppa and peace for 5 minutes, but I can't let them on them for long or their behaviour deteriorates, so I've got to get myself going.

I'd go for a walk, its lovely out there! Let them run some energy off too.

I felt like this every day and a friend suggested I take a high dose vitamin d tablet every day - sounds bonkers but it really worked!

Definitely agree with the Vit D. Most people are deficient.

In the short term I’d suggest getting out for a walk and / or finding a small cleaning or organisation task to tackle. Clean out a draw or wipe over the kitchen cupboard doors, or aiming else that you know you’ll be happy to have done. Doing something proactive that makes you feel that you’ve achieved something is magic for lifting a low mood.

I already take vitamin d and have for years as I breastfeed and use sun screen.
We will be heading out to the park as soon as the bread is cooked and sandwiches made.
I just feel like there's no point in anything

I do the house every bloody day. Tidying or cleaning is not going to help. I've already stripped and washed the bedding today, made bread, washed up from breakfast and cleaned the kitchen surfaces, put a nappy wash on. Normally today I would also clean loos and sinks but I've run out of oomph.

And it is not lovely out there today here. It's grey and dull.

So much of parenting is domestic drudgery with occasional moments of joy. Life as a sahm can be very tough mentally.

Yes it's the endless drudgery.
I know I made this choice for my kids but right now I feel empty.
I have recently gone back to work very part time but actually I feel like I'm crap at it. It's the type of job / profession where everyone works double hours , and with childcare and school pick ups etc, I'm only working the actual hours plus maybe a couple more (unpaid obvs) and so as a result I'm not able to achieve as much.
I feel unsuccessful. And old.
And the planet it fucked and our country is fucked etc etc...
Argh!

Hi OP I've been feeling like this recently. I also have three kids. I'm a SAHM and turned 40 last year. I've also been through bereavement recently.
My youngest starts school soon too.
I used to be so positive but I feel tired and frustrated. I'd like to go back to work I think but I'm not sure what the heck I'd do. I tell myself I've done an amazing thing, staying at home with three kids who are all happy and thriving and I do have passions, hobbies but yes like you I feel a bit empty atm

This may sound cringeworthy but whenever I feel like I'm really stuck in a rut I remind myself how bloody lucky I am. I certainly don't have it all. We rent, I'm a SAHM looking for work, my partner earns less than 25k a year BUT we have a roof over our heads. A home which we've made comfortable. Hot meals every night. Enough money for some treats and outings. Our DC. The list goes on!

Thinking about what I'm grateful for always uplifts me.

I hope you feel better soon

That's very similar to me although
My youngest starts preschool soon and I'm mid 40s. I have also had 2 bereavements recently.
Maybe it's a mid life crisis and I should buy a motorbike and dye my hair blue
It's hard deciding what to do with the rest of your life...

Being grateful for what we have has seene through the past year, so it is a very valid method. It's just not enough right now.
If I could guarantee 5 minutes child free I would consider phoning Samaritans if I felt it would help because I really feel like what's the point in me.

You sound more than just a little down OP. Are you able to get some time alone, for a few hours just to sit in a cafe with a magazine and a coffee and just be? Have you spoken to anyone about how you're feeling?

I think it is a mid-life thing OP and bereavement makes it even harder. I think we should be kind to ourselves and think of all we have achieved rather than what we won't or can't
I made the choice to be at home and it's not always been easy but I'm lucky and I've had some lovely times with my kids and they are wonderful and are very close to me. Surely that counts for something?
I do find as I get older I'm sick of people pleasing and bullshit. It seems to me these days there is a prejudice towards mums who don't work because most do work. I've never judged or critised a working mum because I can see the multitude of benefits and the necessity. However this attitude isn't really afforded both ways. I read lots of thinly veiled judgements about SAHM.
So damn it I'm going to say I'm proud of what I've done and the mum I've been!

Bless you OP. Have you got a friend you can talk to? Are you with your DH/DP? Can he come home from work early?

It sounds like you need a good cry and a hug!

I have a theory that sometimes a bad day is a necessary sort of transition, recharging thing. Like, with small kids we always need to stay upbeat, speak clearly, try to do three things at the same time constantly so the essentials get done. On and on it goes like that and most of the time, that's what we do but every now and then it just all feels pointless and relentless and you don't want to do anything.

When I have a day like that, I try to take the pressure off a bit. Like, I tell myself I don't have to be super cheerful, just get them outside for a bit, make sure they run around. Then maybe just scrambled eggs and fruit for dinner (dd is v fussy eater). A bit more TV allowed than usual. Try to get space for something I like, like a bath in evening. Screw the housework.

And then, the next day there's a good chance I'll feel less crap.

This is turning out v long-winded, but basically what I'm saying is you have to make space for yourself on days like this. It's your mind/body asking for a break.

Hope that makes some sense.

I read your title and thought I must have started a thread and forgotten! I have just been googling iron deficiency, as I was wondering if I was perhaps low in iron. I spend a lot of time outdoors, so should be getting enough Vit D. I feel very low and cannot motivate myself to do anything constructive. I can't focus on tasks well. I have been going to bed earlier and earlier and am still tired when I wake in the morning. I'm 42 - could it be the onset of menopause?

I am officially fed up.

Aw, I get like that too sometimes. Remember nothing last forever! That comforts me when days suck. They'll be back at school or nursery next week.

Get outside if you can - I think the weather is good in most bits of the UK today. Do something that gets you all out and burning off some energy and absorbing sunshine. If you can afford it, treat yourself and the DC to ice-creams or something that makes it feel a bit special and less drudgy.

Hugs and sympathy and yy to a lot of what you’ve written OP. I’m finding myself spending a lot of my time trying to distract myself from the depressing thoughts of what the fuck is happening to the world/country/town we live in. Otherwise I spiral down and get nothing down and no one gets their bum wiped. But it’s impossible to motivate yourself with drudge. I don’t know the answer, music helps me sometimes, but

Beds are made. Loos and sinks cleaned. Kids fed a crap early lunch of (admittedly home made bread) toast and jam and fruit and cheese. Tablets finally put away after way too much screen time (I only normally allow an hour or two a day and they've had nearly 2 already!)
It's brightening up here so off to the park with snacks in a bit.
I think pp is right in that sometimes we all need a crap day, a "be kind to ourselves" day.
I have a bit of a DH problem at the minute so can't really talk to him. Most of that is my own making as well.
Friends are difficult as very hypocritically I either find them fairly boring (fellow SAHM) or they are busy at work. Being an older mum I don't have that much in common with most of the SAHM mums round here, and we live in a fairly deprived area as well

And to be fair - I find myself incredibly boring as well!!

What's your dh problem? Do you want to tell us about that?

Good for you OP and that’s a totally respectable lunch in my book

Just want to add that you shouldn't beat yourself up for 'only' working the hours you are contracted to. You are not failing - you are successfully not allowing your employer to take the piss by dumping extra, unpaid work on you. That's quite an achievement in a work culture where everyone else stays late for no extra pay.
I think you've done a lot today but also that you are maybe setting yourself standards which are too high. It isn't a crap lunch to give your kids home made bread with j and cheese and fruit. Relax a little bit.

I find getting out usually helps, providing the weather isn't miserable. Music is also good for lifting my mood, even if just on in the background when doing the dishes etc. And a good night's sleep can work wonders - I always feel really crappy when I'm not sleeping properly. Be kind to yourself though, it's ok to feel rubbish sometimes and to just do whatever you can to make yourself feel ok, without trying to fight the way you're feeling. If you're sad and need a good cry, for example, then allow yourself to do that. If you're feeling like this for a prolonged period though OP rather than this just an off day then it could be depression and you should consider getting support