Suspected asd and playing with child.

[Bloocy]

Quick background. Ds is my 3rd child, he’s 22 months and I self referred to HV at 15 months as he wasn’t meeting milestones and I just knew something was ‘different’ about him. Was delayed on social and cognitive skills on sogs assessment, referredand accepted to panel and awaiting paediatrician assesment, will start SALT at 2yr 4m.
Currently goes to a developmental crèche and has home visits from portage monthly.

Ds is currently obsessed with counting. He doesn’t talk, just lines whatever he’s playing with up and counts along the line. It’s all he does all day. He does it with his food, fingers, toes. He recognises numbers - he has some blocks with them printed on them and he puts them in order, moving them from one side of the room to the other. He can spend hours doing the same thing.

I don’t know if I should be distracting him with other toys (which tbf wouldn’t really work - it’s really hard to both get and keep his attention) or just let him play this way - it makes him so happy! I can get his attention if I count along with him, he interacts with me, gets his aquadraw pen and puts it in my hand to write numbers for him to
Count. Looks at me and waits for me to say the next number and laughs when I do. It’s the only time he joins me in with his play. But I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing.
We don’t have another appointment until 9th May.

Does anyone have any advice? I feel so stupid asking how to play with my child but I don’t want to be doing the wrong thing and hindering the next step in his development by not trying to play other games with him iyswim.

Similar issues with play here, although DD is a little older. We play her way. I figure it's still teaching important social skills such as communication and interaction. And any play is better than no play.

I wouldn't try to force other types of play though. You can certainly encourage, or maybe adapt other types of play to DS style of play. If his focus is numbers, then find numbers in other activities - measuring for baking, planting seeds in rows, helping to serve lunch (count the pieces of fruit onto his plate), anything you can think of!

I think it's doubly hard because not only have we grown out of childhood play and it can be hard to remember how, there are an entirely different set of "rules" with SEN play that are entirely dependent on the individual needs of the child IYSWIM. Don't feel stupid.

You might get more response on the SEN boards, I would ask MNHQ to relocate your thread.

Short answer is you need proper informed advice on this.

My instinct as a parent of a child with autism is to go with what interests him and do a lot of just joining him in his world. Yes there comes a point when you start trying to build on it - introduce more language or ideas into the game. However 9th May is not far away at all.

I think your son would adore Numicon. Maybe stuff like counting teddies too. I would keep the focus on "things" to count as much as poss rather than abstracting to figures, as much as possible, because you can learn a lot manipulating real objects and it gives you more access to interaction with him. (My son was also an obsessive counter at 2.)

You need to keep doing what you are doing, but also try to involve other resources, even briefly to use in a way that isn't counting. When he goes to school he will need to build a house for the 3 bears or do a turn taking game with a group etc and ideally he needs to learn how to use other resources.
The way you are getting yourself involved is perfect and you need to keep doing that - children with autism can be very object focused rather than people focused and it is important that people are able to enter his world and he theirs.

Thank you for the replies.

Some things I try incorporating are things like if it’s his animals he’s counting I make their noises, try to show the difference between big/small, over/under, up/down etc. He’s quite good at turn taking when it involves counting (he touches 1, I do 2 and so on) I’m trying to add in stop/start and role play (which he doesn’t respond to) and he likes separating things by colours as well but only to count Iyswim.

I think I’m just worried that because it’s the only time he interacts, that subconsciously it’s actually me that’s making it a focus of play and that I’m not trying hard enough to engage him otherwise.

You're not subconsciously leading him this way though. Using his interest area to engage him is good practice I think, and certainly not evidence that you are not trying hard enough. If anything the reverse.

What we consider "normal" play is a social construct. In this country we have a big emphasis on pretend play, and later in school we are big on creative writing. I find it helpful to read up on other approaches. In particular Montessori doesn't really value pretend play, it's much more task based with a focus on real life skills. We used lots of Montessori based ideas like pouring, spooning, sorting skills - defined activities set out on a little tray. We didn't know DS was autistic back then but he had a real affinity to that sort of thing. Of course it's good if they can play stuff that their peers are playing, so there is a balance to be struck, but I find it helpful to remember that this huge focus on imaginative play is not the only show in town.

Portage should be advising on this though. Maybe write down some questions for next time.

Thank you.

We’ve only had 2 portage sessions so far, which they had to do an initial assessment, but they had to split it over both sessions as ds got distressed first time around. Not really had a chance to ask specific questions yet. I’ll look up Montessori methods of playing (we’re actually unintentionally using their sleeping method which is working fab!) Good idea to write down all queries as I do tend to forget, thanks.
I can’t remember having to ‘try’ with my older two, it just came naturally. Ds is such a lovely little boy and I just want to do my best to help him grow into who he is.

You are doing the right things in my experience. Always follow his lead with play and introduce other things on small steps. Like you said ‘stop, go’, ‘mummy’s turn, x’s turn’, ‘ready, steady, go’ and just repeat language. You feel silly doing it but saying words over an over ‘oh you have the horse, there’s the horse, the horse says neigh, the horse is brown’ etc. I did some workshops for my DS and work as a SENCO and it sounds like you are doing fine and it’s lively that he is interacting with you at this level. Once you have had some more visits they will be able to give you specific advice on how to develop things more but sounds like you are doing a great job in the mean time

My son was just like yours OP. I taught him various things using numbers such as writing, drawing and designing numbers, looking at music, started him on maths, measuring stuff, there's limitless possibilities. Also good way to get him into Lego, time, drawing houses and other objects using a ruler. we did it all with him and gradually he acquired loads of skills through his love of numbers. He used to sleep with joy at the shape of s three, it was quite an obsession. All's sport, timing him on running, keeping goals etc. It's a rich seam and as a subject, certainly not the worst. Nothing can best his obsession with streetlights or numberplates and roofs,but we basically used his obsession to access other areas and he's 6 now alot more balanced in terms of interests. Just run with it.

Another thing that helped was buying him toys like a toy kitchen etc so he would automatically start roleplay.

ALSO he didn't say a word before he was three and now doesn't shut up, you would be amazed. This is without SALT as the waiting list was too long. Loads can change. Don't panic!

We have drop-in sessions with SALTs at our local childrens' centres, where you can access group sessions, and also get some quick individualised advice. Do you have anything similar near you? It can be helpful if you have a long wait for NHS Salt one to ones, and can't afford to go private.

I would also recommend reading up on approaches such as the Early Start Denver Model, and Floortime. There are some books available that give useful activities to do at home. 'An early start for your child with autism' by Rogers, Dawson and Vismara has some helpful advice and case studies.

He's very young yet, and there is much scope to broaden his skills and interests. It sounds like you have very good instincts in that regards.

No there’s nothing like that here. I can’t gault the services we’ve received so far - they seem to be doing everything they can to help and we haven’t really had to wait as long as I expected (after looking up the process online and reading others experiences)
I’ve started a claim for DLA for ds with the hope of being awarded as a ways to be able to fund private SaLT (its £40 for an hour session which I can’t afford to add to the budget) but to be honest it’s not really the lack of talking that worries me the most, more the fact that he doesn’t have very much comprehension - only generic key words such as dinner, bathtime, bedtime where he seems to understand what I’m saying. He doesn’t even know me as mum. He did have 5 or 6 words at 12 months but lost them.
@MySecondBestBroomstick I’ve had a look at the Numicon - is it something you’ve used before? Ds still puts everything in his mouth so a bit wary of thin plastic/small pieces.

No advice, just to say you sound like a very caring and lovely Mum

@ThePerturbedPenguin what a nice thing to say, thank you. I didn’t know how much I needed to have someone say that.
To be quite honest I’m quite ashamed to say that it’s taken me this long to realise that ds doesn’t need ‘fixing’ - he is who he is and it’s up to me to make sure he has every opportunity to reach his full potential, just the same as any other child, but he just needs a different route to get there.
My hat goes off to all parents of children with additional needs - I’ve always thought how hard it must be, but didn’t realise how much it takes over your life.

He's prob way too young then - my bad. I'll PM you.