Vow renewal

[Dillydallyontheway]

Been with DH for 15 years and married nearly 10.
Our wedding was lovely but overshadowed by family drama on both sides which caused a lot of stress and upset in the build up and did taint things, particularly for me.
We would both like to renew our vows to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary and we want it to be just the two of us. Even small venues near us are too big for just us so w were thinking of doing it in our garden instead. We have found a registrar that will come out and perform the ceremony. This suits us as we will have no family members causing unnecessary drama and we are both autistic so we are more comfortable at home.
We have a beautiful, rural 2-acre garden but the one thing that I'm unsure about is how we could make it seem like a real special occasion, rather than us just stood in our garden, iyswim. I was thinking we could plant a rose bush afterwards together to mark the occasion but not sure about what else we could do to add that special touch. Obviously I won't be in a wedding dress or anything, and I have had a look on Pinterest for ideas but I'm not sure whether our idea of doing it in the garden sounds stupid or not? Would love your opinions/ any ideas etc as I don't have anyone in RL that I can ask. Thank you

I think you'd be better doing it somewhere abroad. Somewhere exotic if you can afford it.

Thank you, that would be lovely but husband is unable to fly/ travel far unfortunately.

• identify a defined space e.g. under an apple tree, or by a pond, or a spot with a glorious view
• make your chosen spot look beautiful: bunting tied in the trees, or wooden hearts, or create an archway (depending on your taste)
• have a definite start / entrance point, maybe the two of you arriving together hand in hand to where the registrar is waiting
• consider music ( a Bluetooth speaker can sound great out-of-doors), maybe something as you arrive, and something lively and celebratory as you finish
• find an alternative to 'you may kiss the bride' such as: "Mr and Mrs Dillydally, after 10 years you have renewed your vows. You recommit to you marriage and you should seal your promises with a kiss"
• maybe sign something (not a pretend certificate, but perhaps a copy of your vows: on this date, in this place Dillydally and Mr Dillydally made these promises...
• conclude with opening a bottle of fizz (sparkling juice), and a toast (from your dh to you / from you to your dh)
• have a definite end / leaving e.g. the two of you walking away (carrying your glasses) back to the house, or to somewhere beautiful in the garden to sit, with the registrar following a couple of minutes later.

Thank you Venus, great ideas. And works round the feeling of the beginning/ end seeming a bit flat and 'what now'. We have a beautiful spot in mind, in a clearing with an archway and pretty backdrop. I like the idea of going for a quick toast at the end, we have a summerhouse that would be perfect for that.

I think it would be very hard to make it feel like something special & not massively contrived in your (even your beautiful rural property) back garden, with no family or friends. To me it would just feel ‘silly’, just us & a registrar.

Obviously your decision etc but I really don’t understand ‘renewing your vows’ unless one of you has broken them and it’s a ‘fresh start’. You can’t undo the shitty family stuff around your wedding (sadly 🌷) and I feel that your vows are meant for life, why ‘renew’ something that’s still strong 10 years in?

Instead I’d celebrate your 10th Anniversary. Do something that feels special, whether that’s a weekend in a lovely country hotel with a roaring fire and a lovely room or a bnb at the seaside. Whatever makes you both happy.

Whatever you do, I hope you have a lovely time together 💕

Have you any good friends that you would like to celebrate with you?

Random - no we don't really have friends. We both find it very difficult due to our autism and only really have each other.

Incredibly - thank you for your honest advice. You voiced some of my own concerns about it feeling too contrived. My husband was more keen tbh but I thought it might feel weird just us two and the registrar in the garden. Also, you are right about the vows being for life anyway so renewal is unnecessary. We haven't broken our vows so they are still valid. I think I just wanted a 'do-over' due to the past upset with our families but of course it doesn't really work that way.
I love the idea of a country hotel somewhere and I'm going to look at that instead. I think I will steal some of the ideas above though and do a special picnic/ meal with some bunting etc in a special spot as an extra treat.

Celebrate your 10th anniversary all week/month just the 2 of you. Things you love doing and try a few new things too? Like a 2nd honeymoon almost?

Now that sounds amazing Random! Thank you!

The thing is, you have literally no one to impress or placate other than yourselves, and you did say in your OP that this is important to your husband. It doesn't matter if someone else might think it looks contrived, the only question is whether it has meaning to you both. This is what the registrar does day in, day out. And I think part of the skill of the registrar is imbuing that sense of occasion.

Personally I would reconsider doing it in the registry office rather than in your garden, but I appreciate that might not be right for you. You could then go straight to a nice hotel for a weekend, meal or whatever. I think it would give just the right level of formality to the occasion.

A ten day celebration either in one go or spread over the month?

You could even work through the anniversary themes... paper, wood errr look them up 😂

Book a private chef to prepare you a special meal. Served in the garden after the ceremony