Why do people do this?

[Cailleach]

So I confided I was extremely depressed and anxious to someone recently. Incidentally, I have good reason to be.

This person generally reacts to this sort of news by offering practical help, but sometimes becomes semi-hysterical herself at your distress and makes it all about her, telling you at great length how much your situation is upsetting her and making you feel guilty at bothering her with it. Then we get huffy silences and stropping and big sad teary eyes; this is you being punished for being unhappy and daring to show it, basically.

After all these years I have finally learned my lesson and will not be communicating anything negative to her EVER again because she clearly cannot cope with it.

What I am wondering is: what makes people like this? Is there a name for it? Are there psychological research papers i could read to better understand it?

Self-absorption.

Title should read "some people" , obviously!

Yep. Agree it's self-absorption.

My mother is exactly like that.

Thanks to you both.

She has had a charmed life really - not really had to work, although did go back to low key stress free job after her youngest was old enough. Basically been supported 100% by her husband like many women of her generation - big detached house in nice areas, plenty of money etc.

We are from different worlds and I suppose she finds it hard to understand why I am struggling so much. Hey ho.

Was it to your mum op?

There are two sides to this situation.

A few in my family suffer with depression I wish they wouldn't tell me , I really don't know how to cope with it