Feeling really ugly

[conflicted1234]

Feeling really shit about myself lately.

Been with my oh two years now. Very happy and he always tells me how lovely I am etc. But unfortunately I think I've become a bit too settled and gotten into some bad habits. I know I've put weight on which I think is down to our eating and drinking habits. He does the majority of the cooking because I'm hopeless at it and he uses a lot of rich ingredients. We've also got into the habit of eating out/takeaway-ing a lot more than I used to and drinking more too. I'm probably about a size 14 now.

It's not just my weight, I'm 33 and I feel like my face is sagging, I'm getting lines and no clothes look good on me. I'm also paranoid about my teeth and hair.

Really don't know how to improve things other than the obvious....stop eating so much crap and drinking so much wine! I've never been happier in a relationship sense but my own self confidence about my physical appearance has never been worse! I know if I asked my oh for support in changing my ways then he would. Just feels like I don't know here to begin.

Not really sure why I'm posting, has anyone else felt the same?

What shape is he in?

As you have a great relationship do you think a healthy fitness plan is something you could take up and do together?

Get some bicycles and go bike riding for example?

Hiking together?

Or some fitness equipment at home?

No advice as I'm in the same position.

Some days I'm absolutely fine in my own skin. Other days, hate what I see.

He is pretty much the same as me as in he is probably carrying a little too much weight but nothing major. We joke that we are both pretty fit but definitely could do better.

Over the years I have struggled with my weight. I have issues with portion control and just don't enjoy or have the time for the gym or exercise. But as pp said I know I have to do something or it's going to get a lot worse.

Going up and down stairs would actually be a good thing as it's something I can do at home without even thinking. I could suggest cycling too. The diet/drinking thing is going to be tough as it's become habitual and a way of relaxing and enjoying ourselves - Friday night bottle of wine and takeaway for example.

As I said it's not just my weight, I'm feeling really unattractive in general and sometimes make myself late to work in a morning because I'm busy faffing with hair and make up or changing outfits. I hate what I see and I want to be the best I can for myself and for my oh :(

Well I think 33 is very young..

Here are my top tips:

1. Do the 14 day bright line eating challenge. Its just 14 days and it could change your eating habits for life!! (google it)
2. Get a spray tan or dove gradual tan/get your eye lashes tinted and have your eyebrows plucked/threaded.
3. In the morning go outside within 30 minutes of waking up/look out your window. - Get the sun on your face!!
4. Before bed download the relax-lite app (free) and deep breath for 5 minutes.
5. Sleep in a dark room.
6. If you have got time/a gym membership go in a sauna - the health benefits are off the chart impressive.

Have you got anything extra stressful going on atm? Or something that's worrying you other than your appearance?

When I became focused on the way I looked, in a negative way, it was because I was under a lot of stress and as it wasn't anything I could control, I think I focused all that worry etc on my appearance. It grew into body dysmorphia in the end. I'm better now.

Just wondering if it's low self esteem and confidence that's causing you to feel ugly rather than your actual physical appearance.

^ Or maybe it's not that deep and a good haircut and some new accessories would be enough to help? Just something to think about.

I don't think I'm consciously stressed about anything. As I said, really happy with my relationship and life as a whole. But can just see me letting myself go in terms of my appearance.

I'm definitely not blaming my oh but it has got worse since we began living together. When I was single I would cook really basic, boring meals and relied a lot on convenience food. Not the healthiest but not overly fattening either. I would only drink maybe once a week. Now oh cooks lovely decadent food as he really enjoys cooking but rich, heavy meals every night take their toll and we tend to encourage each other to have a drink with our meal too which can then lead to a bottle 🤦🏻‍♀️

I try to look after myself - nails, hair etc but I've let that slide too recently. I work full time and have a house, kids, dogs etc and sometimes I just can't find the time or money to get to the hairdressers. It's things like that that do make a difference though.

I will definitely try some of these tips because I know it's harder to lose weight the older you get. We do walk a lot with our dogs but given the calories we must intake I think it's going to take more than that!!

That's good then Conflicted Means you can make little changes that'll help enormously. Really naff titles but on Style and Beauty there used to be threads called "Princessing" (think they were started before Kate and Will's wedding so that's why they're called that.) The idea behind them was to make a small list of things to do each day or week and try to stick to it. Or to do at least 1 thing a day for yourself like a face mask, or nails painted or try a new lipstick. They discussed eating habits etc too. Have a look in advanced search to see if you can get ideas off them. Don't think any are running at the moment.

You can always post on S&B too. There's often people on there who are fed up and wanting some help getting started.

33 is nothing btw. You're still a spring chick.