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Original poster

What makes a good /bad host?

17 replies

GrannyRoberts · 14/04/2019 14:55

Pondering this question following a weekend staying with friends followed by a weekend hosting a different set of friends in our home. Apart from spending quality time and making guests feel welcome generally, what little touches make someone a great host (or a terrible one?!).For me, the basic material things are a comfortable bed, extra pillows, blankets, lots of towels (on our recent weekend away we were given 2 towels between 4 of us for a 3 night stay...), access to WiFi, plan food according to their preferences, make sure glasses are always topped up and snacks are available if needed. If we as hosts organise a trip out or meal somewhere (i.e. something we plan for our guests rather than something we mutually discuss and agree on) we would always expect to pay for our guests. When guests have children DH or I offer to get up with all the kids so that our guests can have a lie in. I want people visiting to be comfortable and relaxed, so am interested to hear other perspectives on what constitutes good hosting and equally what would be really bad form?

OP posts:

Bayleyf · 14/04/2019 15:09

I think it's more about the way you behave than the things you do.

You could be the perfect host on paper - lots of towels, drinks topped up, whatever.

But if you are on edge about how much people are enjoying themselves or stressing about the need to be 'perfect', it will never be a relaxed environment to stay in.

Al2O3 · 14/04/2019 15:27

You put guests first and profits second. Curiously, profits are greater if you do.

Original poster

GrannyRoberts · 14/04/2019 15:33

Profits?! I'm not running a hotel! Bayleyf of course you're right. Despite some anxiety in the lead up to visitors arriving, I'm actually a pretty relaxed host and I think we do manage to make people feel genuinely welcome (which they always are!). It's more just about where there are any really nice extra touches I could be doing to make them more materially comfortable IYSWIM.

OP posts:

labazsisgoingmad · 14/04/2019 15:55

Sounds daft but make sure guests are happy with bathroom arrangements ie straight away make sure they know where it is so they can have a wee and freshen up after travelling.
flowers in the bedroom are always nice perhaps a few books as well

Delatron · 14/04/2019 16:54

You sound like a good host. As long as you’re relaxed and stress free with all that effort.

You said you’d just stayed with friends so I’m guessing their hosting wasn’t up to your hosting?

I just like to feel comfortable. I wouldn’t want my hosts to go to loads of trouble like fresh flowers in my room and special food. I wouldn’t expect them to get up with my kids.

Al2O3 · 14/04/2019 17:41

Same principle applies.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 14/04/2019 17:52

Refrain from farting less than an hour before they arrive. Seat them before offering drinks or food. Accept the second offer of help. Hide the sex toys. Let them win at Trivial Pursuit. And for God's sake, do NOT let the children serve the cocktails. "It is unseemly, and they use too much vermouth" - Fran Leibowitz.

Bloodybridget · 14/04/2019 18:07

Comfortable bed, clean bathroom and let them know when it's convenient for them to shower or have a bath, if relevant. Good bedside light, a dressing gown they can use, make sure they are warm enough. Food offered at regular intervals and snacks available. Encourage them to make a cup of tea for themselves if they wake up early. My best times staying with other people are if I know I can make myself at home, I don't need to be waited on, just to feel welcome. And no fuss if I want to go to bed early, because after being with people all day I really need to be on my own!

Original poster

GrannyRoberts · 14/04/2019 18:43

Disgrace !

OP posts:

Original poster

GrannyRoberts · 14/04/2019 18:58

This is good, think I do most of this but maybe wait on people too much and need to let them help themselves more. We stayed with people the other week and when we got there we had to fold down and make up the sofa bed ourselves, ask for towels, practically beg for a 2nd glass of wine at dinner, pay for all the outings they had planned (and out of politeness offered to pay for them too, which they accepted). I also ended up doing loads of washing up etc which I was very happy to do but then we had guests this weekend and it got me thinking about the differences in hosting styles. Also guesting styles I guess as I've noticed that some people are really hands on and chip in while others just sit and are waited on.

OP posts:

BackforGood · 14/04/2019 19:08

My best times staying with other people are if I know I can make myself at home, I don't need to be waited on, just to feel welcome.

This.
Generally, I stay with people that I would be just as likely to host. I certainly would not want them to get into competitive 'hosting' - it just puts pressure on me then, when they stay with me.
Now, I am very happy to welcome people in to my home, but sometimes they come when I genuinely don't have time to be "preparing for them" or "hosting them". I'm very happy (on a slightly lesser scale) for anyone to come and have their tea at my house, but I do not want to 'host a dinner party', and the same applies to coming to stay with me. You are very, very welcome, but I am not a hotel.

We stayed with people the other week and when we got there we had to fold down and make up the sofa bed ourselves, ask for towels, practically beg for a 2nd glass of wine at dinner, pay for all the outings they had planned (and out of politeness offered to pay for them too, which they accepted). I also ended up doing loads of washing up etc which I was very happy to do but then we had guests this weekend and it got me thinking about the differences in hosting styles.

I would be very happy with this ^ when I stayed with someone.
I would feel awkward if someone had gone to a lot of trouble - like I was putting them out. I would also take towels with me, as that would make life easier for the people that were kindly putting me up. I mean, I would ask for wine if I wanted some more, but I'd have taken that as a gift anyway.
Re the 'outings' it does depend on the dynamic. I would assume they were giving up their time to show us their local area - which they have no doubt already seen and don't particularly want to see again, so it is that the people who are saving on hotel fees, pays the entrance / costs.

Original poster

GrannyRoberts · 14/04/2019 19:16

Very interesting BackForGood. I guess the lesson here is I need to relax! As a guest and as a host...

OP posts:

UCOinanOCG · 14/04/2019 19:19

People tell me i am a great host. I mostly just say here is my house, treat it like your own. I want people to make a cup of tea if they fancy one, go to bed/get up when they want to and just generally feel relaxed.

miggeldysthepres · 14/04/2019 19:20

I don't like if I stay with people and they've not bothered to clean the bedroom, that's a bit gross.

GreenTulips · 14/04/2019 19:30

Personally I liken people who make themselves at home- kettles that way >
We make plans together, but I always have some suggestions of things they might like, look up theatre or cinema shows, local interests, for example we have a beach and most of my friends are land locked so I make sure we go even for a morning walk
I get in extras and leave things visible - fruit, biscuits, pop for the kids etc I put them in a basket
I also have a bathroom basket of things I’ve collected, extra soap toothpaste toothbrushes cotton buds, deodorant, tampons, plasters that they can help themselves too. Saves asking.
I tell them to help themselves to towels and the shower.

They are free to go out and about or I’m happy to host!!

I don’t always pay, especially as we are already hosting, most friends buy a takeout or buy dinner. I cook the rest of the time and happy to have help in the kitchen and not shy at passing a tea towel

BackforGood · 14/04/2019 20:04

I agree UCO.

Both as a host, and when I am visiting someone.

I have one friend whose dd is at University in my City. I said she can bunk down here anytime she wants to stop over, as long as she understand I am at work and have other commitments and might not always be able to 'host' her. I'll remind her where the tea and coffee is and where the cereal cupboard is and she brings her own towels. Esy to add a bit extra to our evening meal if she wants to (doesn't normally as she will go to her dd's) but it is taken round the kitchen table where we would normally eat. She appreciates that she can stay here, in a bed, not on the floor in her dd's student house, but that our lives continue around her.

Azura2019 · 31/07/2019 08:59

Sorry to bring this thread up again..

Would you give up your king bed en-suite room to guest and take yourself to a double bed room?
They are here Max one / two nights.

I'm in two minds, less disruptive for me to be in my own room, but guest might be more comfortable to have their own en-suite.

What shall do?

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