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Original poster

Help! I’m 22 weeks pregnant and my Mum won’t stop stressing me out?

17 replies

LaurenEllie · 14/04/2019 10:50

I’ve never really gotten on with my Mum, it was difficult growing up as I’d come home from School every day and constantly get blamed for something new. I’m 22 now and 22 weeks pregnant. Ever since I got pregnant she seems to want to stress me out even more and that really hurts. She has a go at me, and makes me cry (Hormones going crazy certainly doesn’t help!) I live with my Mum, Dad and my Fiancé, but it seems no one can stick up for me when she does this. What am I supposed to do?

OP posts:

SoHotADragonRetired · 14/04/2019 10:51

Move out?

Is your fiance working? Are you?

Original poster

LaurenEllie · 14/04/2019 11:11

Yes we’re both working, but I don’t earn anywhere near as much as he does. We’re not a family who has much money, so at the moment money is a huge issue especially with my son on the way as a lot of it at the moment is going on him. We’re doing our best to save up after each monthly pay.

OP posts:

elizabethdraper · 14/04/2019 11:13

You are an adult, move out.
Your unborn son needs nothing spent on him now.

You can get all you need from free sites anywa y.

Time grow up and start adulting

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eclipse1808 · 14/04/2019 11:13

This is really not an environment you want to bring a baby into. Will you still be living there when you give birth? If it really is quite bad contact social services and they will help you get social housing / help you out with some sort of scheme. Is a loan for a deposit on a private rented place not an option?

JaneEyre07 · 14/04/2019 11:13

In the nicest way, is your Mum really stressed and worried about having a baby in the house? It's an awful lot to ask being really honest especially if everyone has money worries.

eclipse1808 · 14/04/2019 11:16

All you really need for the first few months are sleepsuits and vests (can always do a load of washing each day / two days so don’t need to buy that many) bottles if bottle feeding, a steriliser, stock up on a few packs of nappies & wipes, car seat & pushchair then some formula if your bottle feeding too (dont buy too much before hes born it might not agree with him) . You can get a steriliser car seat and pushchair very cheap online / second hand. Honestly forget about stuff for baby for now that will all be ok I had nothing until 35 weeks. Get yourself out of there

gamerchick · 14/04/2019 11:20

You need to move out. Your baby just needs the essentials early on. Prioritise getting your own place.

It's that or suck it up. You'll never break out of the parent child relationship with your mother until you set up your own family unit elsewhere.

SoHotADragonRetired · 14/04/2019 11:28

How can a lot of your money be going on a baby who's still months away from being born? Newborns need very minimal kit and you can get some or all of it extremely cheap secondhand.

What gamerchick said. It's your mother's house and you're living off her, so if you want to not have that in your living space you're going to have to pay for your own living space.

Thesearmsofmine · 14/04/2019 11:31

What kind of things is she having a go at you about? Ideally you need to move out.

FenellaMaxwell · 14/04/2019 11:33

You need to move out - you are introducing another person into her home, that is going to be a source of stress unfortunately.

PhillipeFellope · 14/04/2019 11:49

Go to the council, are you eligible for social housing?

You need to move out.

Moondancer73 · 14/04/2019 12:38

Can you get yourself on the council list? If your mum is stressed having your own place seems to be the main priority to me.

Shootingstar1115 · 14/04/2019 13:56

I was 18 when I fell pregnant. My mum was really upset about it at the time (fair enough, I understand now having a daughter myself). I lived there until DS was 8 months old as I couldn’t afford to move out and my now ex didn’t provide. Different scenario to you I know but me and my mother didn’t get on at all. It was her, stepdad, me, baby and my younger siblings. She was awful. I understand it was stressful but I wasn’t a bad daughter at all. I did clean, cook etc, I never expected her To do anything for DS, I did it all. She just constantly got stressed, put me down, made me cry etc etc. told me ‘her house wasn’t her house anymore’ made me feel like a burden.

Anyway, I moved out. It was hard as I didn’t have much money (fortunately my grandparents helped out considerably). But moving out was the BEST thing I ever did. To have my own independence and ‘freedom’ was great. It repaired the strained relationship I had with my mother as we had time apart.

I think it will be healthier for you, your partner and baby if you move out. I know it’s hard, but you can buy some great baby items in the sale or even second hand to help out. Babies really don’t need as much as you first think 😊

Good luck! 😊

ohtheholidays · 14/04/2019 14:01

If money is a struggle would anyone in your fiance's family be able to help you both out with some money towards a deposit on a place?Or is there anyone else that you could stay with whilst your saving up?

Original poster

LaurenEllie · 14/04/2019 14:49

Shootingstar1115 Thank you so much for your comment! I had to reply to yours as it’s one of the kindest I’ve had! Others haven’t quite understood my situation and it sounds like you understand a lot more what I’m currently going through! What you’ve said has really helped and made me feel a lot better about myself!

OP posts:

eclipse1808 · 14/04/2019 15:43

LaurenEllie I understand completely as I was in the exact situation at age 20. Baby was a contraceptive fail but I couldn’t abort. She did everything she could to be mean to me, bursting into my room screaming about this that and the other constantly. 6am, 10am,1pm,10pm, sometimes in the middle of the night. She would leave the key in the door purposely so I couldn’t get in after work. The plan was always to move before I had DS and me and DP were saving like crazy to get the deposit and money needed for furnitre etc. Because DP had bad credit we we’re rejected from every private rental we viewed and lost £££s in application fees. At 19 weeks I went to the doctor because I was so upset and anxious about my mums behaviour and they pointed me in the direction of SS. I contacted them on a Monday, they came to see me on the Tuesday and had found us a scheme where the council paid our deposit and we paid them back in installments through social services. They did say that wasnt an option for everyone but they will 100% be able to help you into social housing as if we didnt have half the money there anyway that what they were going to do for us.

It’s not healthy for anyone, you, your mum or your baby, to live in a situation like that. It’s no ones fault but it has to be addressed. Me and my DP were living apart at the time while saving to move in together. Social services arranged for me to move out the same day into a hostel and I stayed there for 2 weeks until everything was sorted with the deposit scheme, then moved into our private rented house. There’s help there for you, but stay calm and remember she won’t be like this forever. My mum and I have a good relationship now we have space and I understand partially why she behaved the way she did

Shootingstar1115 · 14/04/2019 16:29

I am glad my reply helped you a little LaurenEllie. I completely understand it’s not easy to move out, when everywhere is so expensive as well as furniture etc, buying baby bits. Moving out is so expensive but it was really the best thing I ever did. I never had any spare money at first but 7 years down the line with a long term and partner and another D.C. I am so glad I did it and I’m in a much more comfortable position.

I still don’t have a perfect relationship with my mother but it is better than when I lived with her. We don’t argue much now.

You’re pregnant and your mum shouldn’t be putting any stress on you - even if she is feeling stressed herself she needs to remember that stress is no good for you and her unborn grandchild. My mum (and my ex!) put me under a lot of stress when I was pregnant. It’s no good for you.

Everything will work out in the end 😊

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