I'm fed up and don't know if my frazzled state is making me make crazy decisions.

[CherryCool]

I'm utterly exhausted, kids, schools, no sleep, velcro baby, mental load of literally everything, house a trash, never get a moment's of peace unless going to the loo counts, cooking, cleaning, outside jobs, homework, play dates, arranging activities for the kids, jobs for the ILs. Absolutely Fucking Everything is my responsibility. I don't get a second away from a child. I'm always on.

I must admit I am particularly exhausted and fed up today and fucked off that noone gives a fucking shit about me. DH was just lying in bed when I told him that I'm not looking after baby today. He left her crying for nearly half an hour whilst he casually had a shower and got ready. Meanwhile I picked up loads of shit off the floor and made the house slightly less trashy. It hardly is any time at all but I don't even get that tondo jobs never mind a bit of time for myself.

DH spends most of his time on the computer and if I leave him to look after baby hes still on the computer or tells the other kids to look after her. If I bring up the topic up of him helping out he gets angry and says he does help but I need to understand he works f/ t and has a long commute/ I'd exhausted etc so he can't do anything. He has ZERO responsibility. His "help" is helping me and even then I can't rely on him as sometimes he's fallen asleep on the sofa after work and I end up washing up/ putting kids to bed or whatever. It's really really getting me down.

It's not just helping with kids. It's everything. I'm just not sure I've made the right decision of being with him. I just want to be on my own. I hate this existence. The sad thing is is if we divorced, I wouldn't even expect him to help out with the kids then either. It's utterly shit.

I don't know if I'm thinking like this because I'm overwhelmed or because it's really highlighted (again) how crap he is with pulling his weight.

You don't sound like you're making crap decisions to me. He does nothing except contribute money, you want to be on your own. So be on your own. As long as you can manage financially on your own, you may well be happier that way. It's easier to know you're doing everything yourself than to have to resent someone who should help and doesn't. And hopefully EOW you'd get a break when he had contact.

Before you pull the trigger on anything big though - does he know you're on the point of leaving over this?

That's the thing. I've stupidly been a sahm for the past 8 years and have never had a career. Just nmw type jobs. I feel trapped and stuck. He

He knows I'm angry at him for not helping out much but like I said he doesn't see himself in the wrong as he thinks he does enough. He doesn't. I don't think he would be surprised if I told him I'd want to leave. I have been on the brink of leaving in the past but again it is as Money that held me back. It wasn't solely about pulling his weight then- it was other issues. Things improved but looking back I think the kids just became easier as they grew older and I was good at keeping on top of everything. This baby has really messed that up and he's not there to support me. And that's that's making things so hard for me.