Do your DC'a grandparents ask you what you're getting them for DC's birthday?

[Opheliasgoldenwine]

Not sure I worded that the best way

I don't know how, but somehow each year MIL has bought DD something exactly the same as I have gotten her, it happens both Christmas and at birthdays. She then gets annoyed and refuses to return it and gets a bit rude to me for getting the same thing, as if it was planned I don't know how to politely say 'oh by the way, we've bought DD XYZ so can you buy her something else?' But when it's her children (DH has a big age gap between him and siblings, they're more like nieces/nephews) I always ask 'is this okay, do they have it already' etc. I thought that was pretty standard, to make sure that you're not buying duplicates? In future, should I just tell her what we're getting DD (for Christmas, birthday etc) to avoid her getting aggravated?

They always ask. In fact inlaws usually ask me to choose what they get the kids as they struggle with ideas.

DM always asks if theres something DS would like, or tells me what she's planning to get and if I think DS will like it.

PILS used to get toys but after getting things that were not at all age appropriate a few times they play it safe and give birthday money instead.

I do the buying on behalf of DPs and DILs. DSis asks what to get.

Sometimes it gets exhausting thinking about what gifts DD would like from all of us. She's a tween, so in between toys and fashion. She's got all the tech she needs at the moment. She's got quite a bit of lovely jewellery. I've run out of ideas. Mind you, having written that all down I can see she's a bit spoilt!

My parents ask and buy gifts that the children have asked for or that compliment our gifts (train tracks, bike accessories, Lego, kitchen).

My in laws buy whatever they want and it's hit & miss. Sometimes they've doubled up gifts, sometimes stuff that's too big for our house, sometimes we get a pleasant surprise... DH has spoken to them about it but they do what they want.

Ironically it's happened again since making this thread

It's not quite their birthday yet but I'm organised (mostly ) and have bought most of it a while ago (sales and I don't think I can return it after this length of time).

I hate to sound ungrateful and I'm not, I appreciate the time and effort and cost and if they'd keep it at their house then it'd be no problem but they say they have no room for it (whatever it is, this happens every time) so we literally end up with two of the exact same thing, things like toy shops etc (which we don't have the room for). I wish they'd just ask but I can't exactly say can you return it (they wouldn't anyway even if they could) so it just seems a bit of a waste.

This sounds odd to be just coincidence. Any chance your DP/DH is telling her what you're going to get your DD and she's doing it deliberately?

I'm not usually an MiL basher, but this seems strange.

Promise I'm not making this up! Life isn't that dull

Pretty sure DH isn't telling her what we're getting her, however his sister comes round often so I wonder if she is but why would she want to buy the exact same thing? They're not necessarily the same design shop/ whatever it is but very similar and no need for two iyswim.

DH needs to have a conversation with them about this saying do you want ideas/us to tell you so you get something different...and that f tehy buy the same thing its going to a charity shop....no-one needs 2 toy stores.... just say no!
my mum asks and I give her a range of things she picks what she is happy to pay for and thinks dc will like/need (eg she wont but tech but will buy sports kit...) PIL just do cash ...our house is too small for dupes and its a waste....

Sorry to bring this back but I'm starting to think there may be something weird to this

I said, about two weeks ago, three things I'd planned to get for DD's birthday (not massive things and not the only things I was getting) BUT lo and behold, MIL said to me yesterday that she'd gotten it for DD I said that she knew I'd mentioned buying these for DD so why had she gotten them and she said oh well, it can stay at her house to use when she's there (she's very seldom there, maybe once every three months for a few hours). I didn't say anything else because I didn't know what to say but I just think it's strange- only one is the exact same but two are very similar and not something you need two of iyswim.

Don't tell her anything in conversation as you know she’ll buy it (whether by happenstance or to make a fuss, who knows?) if you do mention any birthday gifts say something the complete opposite of what you've got planned. So a swing set for the garden? Tell her you're buying a game of tiddlywinks. Etc.

My inlaws never ask. We've got the same thing or similar in the past. It's a but annoying because they often buy the more expensive version and so our gift doesn't get a look in. Now i just tell mil what I've got lo for bday and xmas - i just drop it into conversation. I figure it’s the only way to avoid duplicating. Ideally i wish they'd ask but it's their money and so it's up to them how they go about their gift giving.

My in-laws always ask, my parents mostly give me the money to buy things.

My mil will do this in an elderly, confused, if I mention something she thinks i’m Asking her to get it kind of way. It’s not malicious and has developed with age. I just make sure not to mention anything I’m getting any more.

My MIL is under 50 and doesn't have any signs of forgetfulness etc. It may not be malicious but if not then why is she doing it?

My neighbours mum had a habit of buying exactly what her dd was buying for for gcs birthday/ Christmas. It was nearly funny it was so obvious and so dysfunctional. Always bought the better brand too and left poor neighbour looking like a fool. But she was bonkers.
Would she be chatting to dd on phone and ask what she would like for birthday?
I have a gd and make sure to hear what her parents are getting her and then buy. It's no e to let others choose as we get stuff for gd that no one thinks of and she loves them. We keep some stuff at our house and l am prepared to do it...games/ crafts etc.

It's actually quite odd really and doesn't sound like it can be just coincidence. Yet why on earth would she do it deliberately?

I think you may need to toughen up and ask for receipts so you can return the duplicate item. Don't be all apologetic as though it's just an unfortunate coincidence, give her a look and say "hmm, I did say we'd bought x, can I have the receipt so we can exchange it please?"

If she suggests leaving it at hers you can't really argue too much but personally I'd have no qualms about responding to that suggestion with "bit unfair on dd but whatever you prefer". Yes, I know that's unspeakably rude in MN land but screw that, people who pull this crap depend on others following the rules of good manners and not pulling them up!

It happening once could be coincidence, but there must be something more afoot for it to have happened over and over again.

Why not do a 'wish list' for (or with? not sure how old they are) your dc, and ask Grandparents to choose something from that, obviously not putting what you have got them, on the list.