How do you admit to people that actually, you are not ok

[IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece]

Everyone around me will tell you I’m doing great if you asked them, I’m happy, chirpy, bubbly, always ready to talk etc

I’m not. I’m drowning.

I’m drowning in anxiety, what feels like depression, fear...I can’t seem to come up for air and I’m scared.

I have a gp appointment in 2w to ask for some help but how do I ask for help or tell people I’m drowning when I’ve put a face on for so long.

I need to not hide how much I’m struggling but I don’t know how to not be this false person

A family member was hiding away under a false smile for a long time and did a very good job of hiding it

Eventually they text me and a few other people letting us know how they really were (far worse than any of us could have imagined or guessed)

We are so glad they told us as all we want to do is help where we can and just listen if that’s all they want at the time

It was so brave of them to share how they were feeling but they are very glad they did

Nobody has ever cared when I asked for help. Not even the GP. When nobody cares you stop asking. The problem is not how to tell people, it’s how to make them give a shit.

I think it’s important to be honest with a few people to start with. I’ve found “I’m actually struggling a bit with my anxiety” a gentle way to open the conversation with close friends. It’s hard though - I feel like it’s kind of admitting failure but as a good friend reminded me - life is too short to spend it feeling like this, and that has spurred me on to do the same as you and ask for help.
So many people actually open up and admit they have anxiety problems when you tell them too, it’s very surprising, and often the people you least expect.
I hope you feel like the GP appointment is a step towards getting this sorted. You can also usually self refer for talking therapies too

Thank you x

Not exactly what you asked, but I've found it so much easier to be open and honest with people since I had counselling. I genuinely think it saved my life, and I want anyone else who is feeling remotely similar to how I was to know how helpful it can be!

When you see them and they ask how you are ,instead of saying "Oh I'm fine" you say " Actually,I'm really struggling at the moment and having a hard time."

Be warned,ime this separates the wheat from the chaff as far as friends go, people get used to you being 'the strong one' and don't like it when the dynamics change.

I hope you're feeling better soon,take one day at a time

I struggled last year when I was made redundant and was off work for 6 months

People kept asking if I was ok and when I said no I found no one did anything!

They listened but I wanted someone to drag me out of the house and take me for a walk or go swimming etc.

It was not to do with any malice - it was simply people are so self absorbed in their own lives and don't either understand or have the time or ability to help

If you find someone you can then hold on to them as they are very precious

You just tell them honestly, no I'm not OK. Or I would actually like some help.

Like others have said though, just don't expect a miraculous outpouring of sympathy or any actual useful suggestions or support. I found if you actually asked people for something specific, they would deliver. But it is only really close friends and family who actually help.

Go to the doctor and tell them you want anti depressants. I would also recommend asking them to do a full physical MOT on you as well. A lot of my mental health problems last year were made worse by being very seriously anemic. Once I got that sorted I did start to feel more able to cope with my problems.

I feel I can’t tell a soul, in the past when I’ve been truthful with others I can tell by their expressions and body language that they feel embarrassed and awkward, regardless of what they’re actually saying and that makes me feel ten times worse, almost ashamed of what I’m going through.
I don’t tell anyone anymore for that reason. It’s shit.

I wish I knew. Probably start with one person if there is someone who you think would understand and be sympathetic. My issues are mostly work-related and I ended up starting off talking to my manager who understood how hard it was for me to admit it and got that I didn't want a hug (there are some very huggy people at my work) and somehow knew how to make me end up laughing instead of crying. It has taken months but I have gradually started being a bit more honest with a couple more people at work. Personally, I find honesty a lot easier via text/ whatsapp/ email than talking face to face. The people I have talked to have genuinely been helpful and supportive.
The GP was also hard. Knowing where to start was hard. I started with 'my husband said I should see you because... and my manager also said I should because...' Writing down the first half of your post and taking it with you might help. If you get there and don't know what to say, read it to the dr or just show it to them.

Sadly i’ve had the same experiences as some pp’s. I went through a traumatic time that my friends were aware of, they were somewhat sympathetic at the time but it wasn’t something I was going to get over, overnight. So when I say now, yes I’m struggling a bit at the moment I am mostly met with silence. They want me to be over it, I’d like to be over it. But I’m not, and they don’t know what to do with that. I get the sense that they aren’t interested until I’m back to being the “old me” but I’m not sure I ever will be.

However, one friend has been very supportive. I struggle with self care when I’m down. If I have to go out of course I make sure I’m clean and presentable but if I’m at home I can end up not bothering to shower or even brush my hair some days! This one friend has really listened to me in a non judgemental way and will gently encourage me to do things and it does help a lot. She will get me out for a coffee or a drink and it’s nice to have the support.

Start small and confide in one or two people and take it from there. Don’t be surprised if the people you thought would be supportive aren’t. But equally, someone you might not expect it from, will be the most supportive of all. It’s still better to be honest because having to keep up a front when you feel so bad inside just makes everything worse. I’m a bit sad that so many people in my life don’t really want to know me unless I’m “happy” but it has shown me who I can really count on.

I found it easier to just come out with it. This is what I feel/think, I know it’s not normal for me. This is what I think I need. And took it from there.
My first port of call was the GP. I sat down and said: look, you don’t know me from Adam, but this is what happened. As a result, I stopped sleeping, I am getting panic attacks. This is what I tried to help myself. But I’m drawning.
The poor guy sat there gobsmacked and said ‘I’m not surprised’.
We agreed on 6 months of sertraline, 2 weeks sick note and wellbeing courses. He checked on me two weeks later, then saw him again after 6 months when I came off sertraline.
I came clean to my friends, who were only too aware of what I was going through. They were worried but I completely threw them: I’ve always been the strong sensible one in our group, they weren’t used with me going: ‘I actually need to be kind to myself and rest’, I’ve always been the ‘oh, get over yourself and pull yourself together’ type of woman. So they were a bit like: OMG, she’s lost the plot! It must be REALLY bad. And proceeded to do a bit of a headless chicken dance around my mental health. I had to detach from them a bit.

Do you know what you need, OP? Do you know where it all stems from for you?

If you can find 1 person out of it all, then it's worth the chance. My family are totally useless thought they know the situation. I have 2 friends who are good as gold.

Helping and supporting a person with mental health issues is a huge commitment, it takes time, and effort, and the willpower to commit many, many hours, days, weeks and months to care for that person, keep in touch, keep asking and keep listening. It is not that difficult to understand why not everyone would do this for any person. It needs to be someone who genuinely cares for you, and not everyone has many of these.

From the point of view of the person helping, it can affect your life negatively for years and still leave you feeling like you haven't done enough. The person you help is not always appreciative of your help, sometimes they feel you're not helping enough, or the right way, or becomes so attached to you that they will try to isolate you from your other friends, or get jealous of the time you don't spend with them.

It is not for everyone. People understand this, so the ones who don't help you are just letting you know they are npot the person you need. They probably have other commitments in their life which are their priority.

Thank you. I’m very lucky to have told 2 people and they are there and being incredible. I don’t expect anything off of anyone I’m just so very tired of putting the false face on and need to not do it anymore.

aurynne I know what it is to support someone with mental health problems and tbh, I didn’t need to be made to feel more of a burden then I already do.