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Very upsetting phone call from social services about ex sil. Wwyd?

7 replies

stillpinching · 12/04/2019 17:03

This morning I had a call from ss informing me that ex sil has reported having thoughts about harming my DC. Ex had just been informed in the same way but I don't know if he had known anything about it before.

I haven't seen sil since ex and I split 5 years ago. The DC see her when ever ex takes them to his home town, so every six weeks or so. She is disabled due to MS and ex had told me this week he would be having the DC less than planned as she was in hospital. I had no idea she had mental health problems, but there's no reason I should I suppose.

The social worker told me sil has said she would never act on the feelings and that ex has said he'd never leave the DC with her.

I'm sure that" s true and that these intrusive thoughts don't make her a threat, but it's obviously a distressing phone call to get and I feel uneasy not knowing the full situation with sil. Ex and I don't really speak, he's a total twat but I feel like we should discuss this. My worry is that when sil recovers from this episode she seems to be having he may want to put it behind them and go back to normal. It's going to be in my head whenever he takes the DC to his home town.

An added complication is that I was going to have to email him about sil because she keeps going on about ds2 being skinny and it's really upsetting him. I've already emailed ex about it but he apparently told ds that he does need to eat more and it's none of my business. I guess there's no connection between that and whatever she is going through now, but it means I really can't see ex asking her to stop commenting as he won't want to upset her.

Any thoughts or advice would be great. I

OP posts:
Adversecamber22 · 12/04/2019 17:40

What ages are your DC?

stillpinching · 12/04/2019 17:57

Sorry forgot to put ages - 12 & 10

OP posts:
KindergartenKop · 12/04/2019 19:43

Is there any way a court could bar her from seeing he kids? That may be impossible...

SouthWestmom · 12/04/2019 20:02

I don't understand why a SW rang you. If she has mental health issues (sounds like OCD) then she'd be discussing this with them. What was the point in SS ringing you? What do they want you to do?

SouthWestmom · 12/04/2019 20:02

Sorry by them I mean therapist

EvaHarknessRose · 12/04/2019 20:18

They clearly consider it enough of a risk that they have decided to inform you as a safeguarding action. I think I would want the opportunity to discuss my concerns about the upsetting comments with someone, and to insist on minimal contact over the next 1-2 years, as they will not lose out through having no contact with their aunt and she does not need to see them (in fact it may be a trigger for a relapse). at which point they will both be old enough to vote with their feet.

stillpinching · 12/04/2019 20:20

Well I supp it's safeguarding? Unlikely as it may be that sil would act on these feelings I think it right that as parents we have been informed. Also, perhaps sil finds being around the dc stressful and ex should be aware of that and act accordingly.

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