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Original poster

Husband decided there's to spark

17 replies

Mumtogir · 12/04/2019 00:18

So just recently out of the blue my husband said he thinks spark has gone , I've jus had another baby really don't no how to feel or react , I'm feeling like I'm on an emotional rollercoaster, have cryed everyday since and all I get is it will be fine and them completely ignored please give me some advice I'm pretty on edge , anything I say I just get a stupid remark, seems like there's no remorse about what was said

OP posts:

MissConductUS · 12/04/2019 00:43

Well, first, he's being a nob.

Is it possible that he's feeling overwhelmed by having another baby in the house?

lovinglifexo · 12/04/2019 00:58

@missconductUS
how is him saying how he feels being a knob ?

RubberTreePlant · 12/04/2019 01:06

Who talks about "spark" during the post partum period? Who casts doubt over the relationship when their wife has just had their baby?

Of course he's a knob. He's a major knob. And, sorry to say, he's probably gearing up to leave.

OP do what you can to protect yourself financially and get paperwork copied etc. Make sure you have some savings of your own, even if it's just an account with the child benefit accumulating.

Interested in this thread?

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Relationship problems

managedmis · 12/04/2019 01:08

Spark?

Sounds like he's getting his priorities right.

Oh no, sorry, that's the newborn.

Eatmycheese · 12/04/2019 01:20

What does he expect, in terms of a spark in the weeks and months following the birth of HIS baby? Swinging from the chandeliers, loved up lie ins, snuggles on the sofa, romantic uninterrupted three course gourmet meals followed by some oral?

I am very sorry that he is doing this to you when you have given birth to your baby.
The only spark he should worry about is whether he can light a candle for your nice warm, half an hour of me time bubble bath and glass of something nice.

He sounds very cruel and self absorbed. I’d like to be wrong, but i wonder if there’s someone else involved, and as PP have advised, get your own house in order just in case this is what’s happened.

I hope he’s just having a wobble and being a prick but having a wobble would be saying “I feel a bit overwhelmed and like we have no time since baby is here” not “there’s no spark”

Look after yourself too as well as your little bundle 💐

colditz · 12/04/2019 01:46

He's on about sex, and what he actually means (and won't say) isb "We're not having as much sex as I want. I look at other women and think about sex with them. You're tired all the time"

EKGEMS · 12/04/2019 02:44

If he wants a spark then he can light a candle what an ass

NameChangeNugget · 12/04/2019 03:03

He wants to have sex with you

MimiSunshine · 12/04/2019 06:38

Turn it around on him.

Tell him you hadn’t really thought about it as you’ve been busy having a baby but he could be right, so as he’s the one who noticed it and feels it’s an issue. What is he going to do to bring it back?

Then don’t speak or suggest anything. He’s put this on you to solve and wants some attention (sex) from you, well he can bloody well put some effort in first.

If he says ‘I dunno’ just tell him you’ll leave it with him then because you’re focused on your whole family, he seems to be solely focused on himself

snowone · 12/04/2019 06:44

Hi OP - I've just had a baby too and if my husband said the same I would be devastated. Of course the spark may be dulled for a little while, you are tired, adjusting to having another baby, recovering from birth etc.....that's not to say it won't come back at a later date.

Your husband is an absolute idiot for saying anything like that to you!!

Nofunkingworriesmate · 12/04/2019 06:50

Arrange counselling and tell him he needs to come up with a plan for putting the spark back

Mississippilessly · 12/04/2019 07:03

What Colditz said with bells on.

What a horrible thing to pressure you about

hidinginthenightgarden · 12/04/2019 08:25

I'm not sure there is a spark with me and my husband - passion fades. What is left is a solid relationship with love and respect.
You just had a baby FFS. Now is not the time for passion.

BrokenWing · 12/04/2019 09:13

If my husband said that just after we'd had a baby you can bet there would be sparks flying but not the kind he's suggesting.

You husband is an arsehole for not looking after you at this time.

ohdearmymistake · 12/04/2019 10:16

MimiSunshine

That's brilliant totally agree

Original poster

Mumtogir · 12/04/2019 14:06

Thank you so much for getting exactly how I'm feeling , it's hard enough bringing up children without added stress , I've pretty much turned into a horrible person as I feel totally betrade, worthless and an emotional wreck I think that's an awful thing to say to someone who's in a vunrable place right now , i feel totally cut off emotionally and that now anything that is said is just to stop me from leaving , I'm beginning to feel as if there may be someone else on the horizon or at least it's been given some thought the phone is never far away , pretty much Takes it everywhere, it takes up most of his evening , conversation is minimal although I do try it's all for show on the outside for everyone else that life's great when actually were pretty much hanging on the edge on top of all of that I have no idea what happened to get here and what to do to resolve it have I been to wrapped up in myself I honestly don't no if it's something I did or didn't do

OP posts:

MimiSunshine · 12/04/2019 15:56

Follow your gut instincts then. Decide if you want to turn things around by pointing out what you feel is on the horizon and where it will take you as a couple / family.

Or, slowly start to get your own exit plan in place.

I feel for you, it’s a horrible position to be in.

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