19 week silent miscarriage. Going in for medical management.

[MademOisel]

Hi all.
My first thread here. I found out yesterday that my baby no longer has a heartbeat.
Has anyone had a medically assisted late miscarriage?
I could really use tips and first hand experience here.
Thank you!

Hi . I’m so sorry to hear this , it really is awful . I had one at 16 weeks and they gave me the first pill and then another 24 hours later at the hospital . When contractions picked up they gave me pain relief . They had someone from the chapel come and speak to me and even though I’m not religious it was nice to have people care . Hope it all goes ok .

Sorry to hear that you are having to go through this. I have had two babies die in utero, both at 20 weeks.

I was given some medication to take to get things started, then went to the labour ward where there was a special room separated from the rooms for women giving birth to live babies.

Both times the labour pain felt quite intense (compared to my experience of delivering live babies at term). I used gas and air.

After each baby was born the midwife took hand & foot prints, wrapped the baby in a small blanket and I was allowed to spend a short time with them and take photos (this part is optional).

The first time, the third stage went straightforwardly and I was allowed home the same day. The second time I had a fully retained placenta, but that is very unusual.

My milk came in a couple of days later; I wore a sports bra and used cool packs to manage the breast tenderness.

The emotional effects took longer to heal from.

Thank you both for sharing that. It really helps.
I am pretty scared.
How long did you stay in hospital for?
How long do you think one should expect to be off work?
Any tips to make it less hard?
Thanks

The first time I was in and out of hospital the same day. The second time I had to stay overnight, but only because of the retained placenta, which is rare.

It's difficult to answer the question about work because I was a SAHM. Be aware that your body will have just had a baby. There is bleeding for a few days, which can be heavy at first. I also found that my arms ached afterwards, although this might have been psychosomatic from not having the baby to hold.

I'm not going to sugar-coat it; it was a very challenging experience. The thing that helped me was to tell myself that going through it was part of what was needed to be a mother to those babies. For me, taking photos, creating a small scrapbook and talking about it really helped me to process it, but you will need to find what works for you.

Physically, I felt mostly OK within a week.

Emotionally, it was at least three months before I felt OK. And even after that, I would still have times when it hurt a lot, especially the due date, first anniversary etc.

MademOisel do you have someone who can support you in real life, e.g. a partner, relative, close friend?

I stayed in overnight and was off work a week . My work were happy for me to stay off longer but I found I was sat round thinking about it too much , take as long as you need though . Physically I was ok after a few days .

Thank you both.
Yes, my husband has taken time off work and my parents are flying over to help look after our daughter.
I will just take it slowly then and try to think positive.
Thanks again for sharing.

I'm so sorry.

Even if you don't think you can cope with it right now, ask them to take a photograph if you go through labour, rather than needing surgery - it used to be (haven't worked in Gynae/Obs for a few years now) part of every woman's care to hold a photograph in a sealed envelope on file in case Mum didn't want one at the time/didn't think of it and then felt differently later.

If you have a pretty blanket, take it. Take all the pain relief you need. And SANDS are wonderful - they help Mums and families where babies are under 24 weeks just as much as they do those who are further along.

Here is their website.

I understand that you might not feel ready to read the words yet, but if you, they are very helpful and informative.

www.sands.org.uk/support-you/how-we-offer-support/memory-box

Im so sorry for what your going through.
I lost a baby at 20wks due to slap cheek.i got a pill then a few days later into give birth,i cant remember how they started labour off when i was in there but i was lucky just a hour labour with gas & air. I went home the same day.we got photos,hand & foot prints and got to take our own photos and got to spend time with her,we did get the choice to see her again but i couldnt face it now i wish that i did .
I diddnt cope well with what happend but as time goes on u learn to live it.
Take it easy after your body will go through alot. If u want to PM me if u ever need anyone to talk too then im here ,i did find it easier to talk to someone i wasnt close too, helped me alot & i wouldnt have got through the days without this person.x

No advice. Just wanted to say im sorry this is happening to you

No advice but I am so sorry you are having to go through this .

I haven't experienced this but I'm so so sorry this is happening to you.

I have only just had a chance to read through all the new responses. All the kind words and the effort and time you have taken means so much.
I am taking the advice on board and feeling calmer about tomorrow.
Thank you!

Just a final thank you and to let you know all went well despite being on the delivery ward for 3 days.
Thanks for your support. What a wonderful group of people you all are.