If you don't really like someone would you...

[candycant]

If you're not keen on someone for whatever reason do you think the best course of action is

1. to be really friendly and chatty with them and the other person would think you're great

2.keep it polite, saying hello, small talk etc but a bit distant- not rude or anything.

1. let them know what you think of them and then continue with 2 above.
2. Something else.

2

2

I'm really fascinated to see what others put, as I can never work out if being nice to someone I don't like is being two faced?

I'd put 2

2

Depends on the reason why I don't like them.
If they've personally upset me over some incident I would have to tell them and then have nothing at all to do with them.
If they are passive aggressive I tend to mirror their behavior and smile. ( They hate it when it looks like they aren't getting to you)
If they haven't particularly done anything directly to me but are not generally nice people I would smile but keep a distance.

I've over thought it

Why do you ask OP?

You haven't @BlueMerchant ! I would probably do the same as you in those scenarios

Depends on the necessity of having to see them and if they hold any influence over your job or family relationships.

If it’s a work environment and they are below or on the same level then I am honest/blunt.

However, if they were senior and could cause problems then avoidance and diplomacy would come into play.

It’s trickier when it’s family as I consider other/older relatives feelings in responding to a relative if someone pisses me off.

Depends on who they are, why I don't like then and their proximity

1 or 2 or 4, avoid them altogether.

1. I don't think anyone would be taken in by 1, inauthentic chummyness. Letting peple know what you think of them, a la reality tv types, 'I speak as I find' is a bit lacking any social skills. Unless of course there is some confrontation at which it all spills out, but that still isn't good.

2

Personally I do 2.

The reason why I'm asking is because I know someone (A) who does 1 as she sees that as "I'm such a nice person" type of way. It surprised me as I discovered it very accidentally. She is "friendly" with someone I know who thinks very highly / fondly of (A). At a recent family event A was taking the piss out of her and they were all having a laugh at her expense. Someone said something on the lines of she's really great with you and her response was well what can I do, even if she is knob I have to be the better person. I was very very shocked as this person has in passing has said to me how nice and lovely A is. I find it utterly two faced and insincere.

I just wondered what others are like that's all.

For me it very much depends on why I don't like them as there are some things which are just too big to not acknowledge them! and who they are to me as that may affect how much contact I have to have with them or affect others in the family/friendship group/work place etc

I generally go with 2

A couple of people I have done 3, especially if they are trying to continue a relationship separately from the group (thinking they have got away with their horrible treatment of another) I have said directly that you hurt and il be polite in company for the sake of the others but we arnt friends so no I don't want you to visit/go for coffee/meet for lunch etc or if they have done something to me but we are part of a bigger group Iv done the same.

Then there a couple of people who if it doesn't affect a bigger group Iv just simply stopped having a relationship with them.

It too vague a question imo without the context I can't really answer better than that, sorry!

I started with 2, but there is one lady who I really can't tolerate. I avoid.
And occasionally bitch about the stress she inflicts on those around her with someone who she is equally awful to.
To put into context, she was so awful and bullying, I lost 4 (much needed!) kilos over a fortnight.. it's the only nice thing I can say about her - she helped me loose weight!!!!!

It would depend why I didn't like them, but probably 2 - avoiding them as much as possible.

Crossed post op

Better person! Your friend is horrible.

She is effectively cultivating a close friendship with someone to then bitch about them behind their back.

I'd do a 2 or 3 on them!

The only person I really, really dislike is unfortunately my boss. I do 2 - polite, professional and distant.

Thinking about it, there are probably loads of people that are like 1 but we just walking around thinking they're awesome and none the wiser!

I would tell them what I think of them and then cut them off. Of course if we happened to be in the same room as each other (family members birthday etc) then I wouldn't go out of my way to cause a scene or be rude but I would just shut any attempts at conversations down quickly and move on.

Treat them like you'd treat anybody else. Adults should be able to put their feelings about someone aside unless there have been major issues between the two.

My default choice there would be 2.

Maybe 3 if there was some major specific reason for my dislike.

2 is best but sometimes easier said than done if they’ve done something really horrible to you.

I believe in “ even if she’s a knob I have to be the better person”, but for me that translates as 2.