How can you get someone with ASD to do something they struggle with ?

[autismadviceneeded]

Is it possible? Either a situation that is always difficult or one that sometimes is?
Is there a way to gradually get used to it or is it just avoid ?

I need to ‘train’ myself somehow to be able to do the things I struggle so much with

Today I have caused a massive problem. I need to be able to do more and not react In certain ways

Can you be more specific as to the sort of things you have issues with?

I am autistic and find that physical/practical tasks improve with enormous amounts of repetition / practice whereas interpreting what people are saying to me verbally/via body language is always incredibly hard.

In other words, I have had to accept that I am very limited in some ways and that i can only do so much in some areas. I am starting to give less of a damn if I fail though - this definitely comes with age and is a useful thing to have!

It takes scaffolding and time, I have two adult children on the spectrum, and I have seen them overcome a lot of stressers to achieve something they wanted to do, over and over again.
The other key is resilience, so if it goes wrong, don’t blame yourself, work out what could help next time.
It is hard, and takes huge reserves of energy, but it seems to get easier with repetition. Choose your time carefully. Work out what you need as support. Mine are chalk and cheese, their solutions are different.

What is it that is causing your difficulties?

Can you avoid such situations altogether?
Can you talk to people around you so they can help you when things become stressful?
Can you expose yourself to less stressful versions of the problem and build resistance?
Can you mentally remove yourself from the situation, through meditation or similar?

To give you an example. I know that sometimes I overreact when I feel embarrassed or feel that someone has been unjust towards me. I know my reaction is exaggerated and most people can just shrug these things off and never think of them again. So I try not to allow myself to dwell on them. At first I return to them almost constantly and I have to, talk to myself, and tell myself to stop thinking about the trigger. Force myself to think about something else. Nothing related to the trigger is allowed as it leads to reliving the event, then getting upset and then getting angry. Over time the urge to go over the event diminishes, then eventually the event itself loses its power over me.

Just writing about this meant that my brain tried to relive a recent event and I had to stop myself. Multiple times while typing!

I have many many difficulties but this one is just that I find it near impossible to interact with people I dont know and it’s especailly worse in my own home which I usually feel safe in but I struggle if anyone comes here

So I was meant to be ok to let someone in to do some work and I tried to talk myself into it and then couldn’t and I said to dh I can’t and now I’ve ruined his day as he can’t do what he needs to and I feel Absolutley dreadful and embarrassed and I need to change but I can’t

Did you cause a problem? Or was a problem created by the situation, the expectations and responses of others and you, as a perfect storm?

I said the other day I thought I might be able to do it
I woke up today and couldn’t I wanted to but I couldn’t

Home is your safe space, so that is a very tricky one to desensitise to.
Options for one of mine would be let someone else deal with it, and be physically out of the house.
Have someone else there with you whilst it’s happening, so you deal but they are there as support.
Let them in, give them a written script of what needs to happen and retreat to a room or the garden with headphones.
Least helpful, feeling ashamed or embarrassed because your disability is causing you to overload. Nor should those who love you be angry.

The other one doesn’t have a problem with people crossing the threshold, but needed to be reminded to be dressed when workers turned up!

@Treading's response is spot on. You have a disability OP, yes you can work to manage your difficulties (and it sounds like you do your best to do that), but what can others do to help? If your husband was there to let them in and then go out when they've done the niceties would that help?

I struggle with people in my home so my partner lets them in and stays as long as I need him to. Then the workman has his number if he needs anything, and I basically hide in the bedroom until they're gone. Might that work for you?

Ok. So in this case, would this have helped?

• Let the tradesman know in advance you had communication difficulties and that you would struggle to interact with him
• Written down a full list of anything he might need to know (where electrics/stopcock etc are, what exactly the problem is and under what circumstances it occurs)
• Arranged payment in advance (cash left on side)

Would all that have taken some of the pressure off you? What exactly is it that you are afraid will happen, can you identify your actual fears in these scenarios? In my experience, tradespeople just want to crack on with the job, get it done then go off to the pub - they really don't mind if you are shy and not having much to do with them as it lets them get on with things.

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You haven’t ruined his day, you’ve changed it. He now has to deal with an unexpected turn of events without grumbling and blaming, also a useful experience.

I’ve totally disrupted his day and I can tell he’s annoyed
Usually he’s ok but I’ve struggled with a lot lately and he seems to be finding it hard to understand

I think the main thing is that I know they will need to be in and out the house and ask things / show how new equipment works
I struggle with that
Mostly it’s the baby’s nap soon and I don’t want to breastfeed with someone I don’t know coming in and out the house and possibly needing to talk to me

I wish I could deal with all this stuff like a normal person. Just for one day ffs and not to feel like this

Do you think you could cope with a version of what needs doing? E.g. the guy coming in but not talking to you, going to only certain rooms while you stay in another one?

Don’t think about what the guy needs, think about what you are comfortable offering. He can adjust around that.

Situations like you're describing can be overcome if you can identify the root cause. A stranger coming into your house isn't the cause of your anxiety, it's a symptom. The cause could be that you don't know how to interact with them. This can be learnt and practised It could be that you don't know what to do with yourself while they are there. This again can be learnt, planned and practised. It's all about learning coping techniques in advance of situations like this.

I suffer with exactly the same thing. We're away on holiday and someone was coming to collect our cats to look after them for us. DH promised he'd be back and he was delayed so I had to deal with them. I went absolutely ballistic at him. It wasn't his fault, he's self employed and it was a work meeting that was important but I completely lost it and it took me the rest of the day to calm down.

I can't be around with workmen etc in the house so I go out and DH deals with it all, whether it's someone coming to fix a tap or men coming to do work for a couple of weeks. I wish I could cope with these things but I can't.

So sorry, no help to you but I totally understand how you feel.