Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Quick straw poll - if a man said this to you, what would you think

17 replies

Germknoedel · 11/04/2019 06:08

I recently traveled to my home country for a 20year school reunion. Bumped into an old school mate who I occasionally hung out with back then and who I had a bit of a crush on. We got on really well back then but I never made a move because I was very shy and had zero self confidence and he was really handsome and part of the „cool“ gang.
We really hit it off, got spectacularly drunk together and ended up having a fabulous song behind the bike sheds! It ended really abruptly because he had to escort his mate home and I had to dash off to catch an early morning flight home. Didn’t exchange numbers as there was literally no time at all.
A couple of days later I sent him an email (got the address off the organisers of the meet-up), telling him it was really nice to meet him again and that I had a fab time. I told him I had always had a bit on a crush on him and it was nice to finally see it through so to speak. Apologised for dashing off and for being practically legless. Told him I am back in my home country occasionally and that it would be nice to hang out again, or if not maybe I would see see him at our 30year reunion.
Had an email back a few hours later telling me it was nice that I got back in touch and that he had had a fab time too and not to worry as he had been really drunk too. Told me that loads of people had spotted us and they had been teasing him relentlessly (he’s still friends with a lot of them), but that it was well worth it. Finished by saying if the opportunity arose it would be nice to maybe hook up again at some point when I was back home and gave me his mobile number.
I emailed him back to say I was cringing a bit at being spotted but too late now and that I would WhatsApp him so he had my number too.
Followed up with a WhatsApp to say hi it’s Germknoedel. Had a thumbs up as a reply and the message to get in touch next time I was in the country. I only replied with a thumbs up.

Now, to be clear - I absolutely do not want a relationship with this man. He is super fit and such a laugh but I suspect he is a little bit of a player (nothing he said or did, just a feeling I get), I’m not looking for a relationship at the moment, just a bit of fun, and I have no intentions to ever move back to my home country. I won’t contact him again until I go back to visit and don’t expect to hear from him - he does know I’m not after a relationship, I told him as much when we met, I made it very clear that I was enjoying the single life for now, which is 100% true.
So from this brief summary would you think:

  1. he’s just being polite passing on his number, he doesn’t particularly want to hear from me and isn’t bothered
  2. he’s interested in a bit of casual sex and thinks I’m up for that too
  3. anything else

To be perfectly honest I can’t quite believe he’s after a shag with me - he is so fit he could bed girls 20 years younger I’m sure. I’m a divorced mother of two who has gone a bit soft around the edges, although I have definitely improved both my physical appearance in the past 20 years (diet and exercise, good makeup and clothes, etc.) and feel quite confident in my own skin now. I definitely wouldn’t mind a bit of casual sex though!!
What I don’t want is getting in touch next time I’m home for him to politely say thanks but no thanks - I don’t think my ego could take it! To even have had a snog with my super cool crush has been fabulous and I’m not sure whether I should just leave it at that and avoid the future disappointment of not being good enough. I’ve spent years building up a bit of self esteem, I don’t want it to get crushed again by appearing desperate if that makes sense. So - WWUD?

OP posts:
Pianobook · 11/04/2019 06:11

Not sure!

I wouldn’t analyse it too much. Just contact him when you return (not before) and he may well be up for it.

BigBairyHollocks · 11/04/2019 06:17

I think he made it very clear he wants to have sex with you.Stop worrying and just call him when you’re next home.

MyOtherProfile · 11/04/2019 06:18

#2
I think he barely stops short of spelling it out.

StarlightLady · 11/04/2019 06:27

Pop some condoms in your handbag, go back and have a nice time.

banivani · 11/04/2019 06:33

Can’t believe nobody has asked what song it was you were singing behind the bike sheds?

I’d say 2, but since it’s all casual obv 1 comes into play because the whole point of it being casual is that you’re not too invested, surely. Anyway, all you need to do is send off a quick WhatsApp next time you’re over and see if he’s still up for it.

Germknoedel · 11/04/2019 06:45

Lol, snog obviously, not song.

OP posts:
RageAgainstTheVendingMachine · 11/04/2019 07:00

yep - #2 - friends with benefits/one-off shag
Sounds like it's something that would suit both of you.

RageAgainstTheVendingMachine · 11/04/2019 07:01

P.S. I assume you are now per Du Wink

Germknoedel · 11/04/2019 08:07

Rage totally Grin I think it’s mainly a self confidence thing - I’m paranoid any moment he will wake up and think eugh, no way.

OP posts:
Palominoo · 11/04/2019 08:42

Is think he just wanted to use me as a sperm receptacle and wasn’t remotely interested in me or my welfare.

Personally I wouldn’t put myself at risk of an STD.

Babdoc · 11/04/2019 08:50

OP, I think he would definitely be up for no strings shagging, but I’m concerned that you might get emotionally hurt or overinvested.
The more you focus on this old school crush, the less you are emotionally available to find a man in your country of residence who could be a proper loving partner for you. I’d focus on dating where you live, and just keep this encounter with your crush as a nice morale boost and reassurance that you are attractive, to give you the confidence to seek a relationship here. Good luck!

VeronicaDinner · 11/04/2019 08:52

He wants to blow his load and hit the road.

Adversecamber22 · 11/04/2019 09:11

You have written a long post and analysed and slightly over explained, I’m a bit like that as well and not a criticism. But too much emotional investment and headspace given. I actually think it would hurt you even if you both went in agreeing it’s a one off night of passion. Some people can do hook ups like this, I had a friend who used to occasionally sleep with her plumber and it suited her well. Look on it as a morale boost.

StarlightLady · 11/04/2019 09:11

Re: Comments above. This is the 2019! Can we please move on from the concept that sex is something women “give” to men.

Quality sex is equally good for women too. We don’t need commitment all the time. What we do meed is passion.

Babdoc · 11/04/2019 14:34

Starlight, I don’t see any posts suggesting that. But the man lives in a different country and would only be available very occasionally. PPs and I are simply encouraging OP to look for a man locally who could be more of a partner for her. If OP is happy with just twice a year casual shags, that’s her choice to make. Nobody’s being judgmental, simply warning against getting hurt or overinvested in someone who is largely unavailable.

EnidButton · 11/04/2019 17:16

2 but I'd leave it as it is now. If you're really not interested in anything other than a quick one off then risking your nice, fun memory being ruined isn't worth it. This way it's been finished off neatly and you've had something to make you smile and boost your confidence. Keep that.

maddy68 · 11/04/2019 17:22

I think he was just being polite. I think you're reading too much into it.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page