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Original poster

20 month old can’t do basic things?

31 replies

eclipse1808 · 10/04/2019 21:43

He seems so behind compared to the toddlers in his play group, all my friends babies of similar age and just toddlers in general and I’m getting very worried.

He says mum and daddy and ‘elo’ for hello thats it. He pretends to say other words but doesn’t open his mouth so he’ll sing along to a song but will mumble in the tune. Or babble away but without opening his mouth.

Walking anywhere other than grass is too stressful. He doesn’t pick his feet up properly EVER and falls over far too often. He started walking at 13 months but 7 months down the line isn’t good at it! I can’t let him play in the garden without being there constantly because we have slabs on some of the garden and he’ll just faceplant them. When i say faceplant i mean a&e with chipped teeth and a face full of blood every single time. It’s giving me anxiety because i feel even at big open parks he isn’t steady enough to not get seriously hurt. He’s had 3 full on black eyes since he started walking, from falling on tarmac, hitting his head on the tv stand and hitting his head on a pole at the park.

He doesn’t eat well he picks his food apart and throws it on the floor almost every meal time (i get this is semi normal but he can skip 2 meals and still throw his dinner on the floor)

He can’t tip his bottle / beaker up. I’ve given up on trying to show him he just can’t / wont do it. To have a drink he lays himself down on the floor. If i give it him in his highchair where he can’t lay down he will just keep sucking air out of it til he gets tummy ache. I can move his hand positioning and tilt it 100 times and he will still return to the first position.

I’m getting very stressed with all this. I feel like i’m not doing this right at all, seeing videos of babies the same age doing so much more than him is really upsetting me! I feel his lack of balance is making me too protective and at the park / anywhere in public I look like such a helicopter parent but he’s been to a&e 6 times and he’s not even 2. I’m worried if he gets badly hurt again they will blame me or judge me. I don’t want my baby hurt anyway. I’ve tried backing off abit but he just keeps having accident after accident.

How do i stop him falling so much? How do i teach him how to drink? I speak to him and sing to him so much but he just grunts at me. We don’t have a health visitor, when i moved house (same city different zone) i was told i would be appointed a new one, she came round and booked an appointment to follow up on his speech but never turned up and has not answered her phone since. I rang the office to ask for another / info and they said i’d get a letter with an appointment date on. Nothing. Rang a few months later to see where the letter was and got hung up on so health visitor isn’t an option

OP posts:
Jackshouse · 10/04/2019 21:47

Health visitor is an option. You just need to keep ringing. If you think your child has developmental delay then you need to get in contact with the HV service.

Mintandthyme · 10/04/2019 21:51

It does sound as if he has gross motor skills delays - the constant falling and banging into things might be a sign ..
I think you need to keep pushing for a referral

clandestinenetwork · 10/04/2019 21:52

HV is definitely an option. Keep trying until you get an answer. Or go via GP. If you have concerns then you must keep shouting until you are heard (I say this with a kind heart and a LOT of experience).

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Mintandthyme · 10/04/2019 21:52

I’m also surprised that he has been to A &E six times and there has been no follow up... that is concerning

Cherylshaw · 10/04/2019 21:53

I would go to the GP in regards to falling and the drinking as there is maybe an issue with motor skills with the eating and talking I wouldn't worry too much about it my kids skip meals and throw things on the floor and my little boy now 4 never spoke a word till he was 3 and a half. He now speaks perfect and is at the same level as other 4 year olds.
I know how you feel and it's easy for someone to tell you not to compare but honestly it's the worst thing to do. All children develop at different times.
We did makaton to help with communication it's maybe something to look at

KatnissMellark · 10/04/2019 21:54

I would definitely get your concerns recorded and try to get some help. Health visitor or GP would be a good first port of call. Hopefully they can offer you some extra support.

Mintandthyme · 10/04/2019 21:55

Google dyspraxia and see if there are similarities

Original poster
eclipse1808 · 10/04/2019 21:56

After the 4th time social services rang me. I told them what had happened each time they said everything seemed ok, came to look at my house then closed the case. But at that time I thought he’s still getting used to walking. I have rang so many times trying to get an appointment with a health visitor but everytime i either get told to wait on hold while they speak to one then get hung up on, or get told someone will ring me back but they never do

OP posts:
GummyGoddess · 10/04/2019 22:01

Do you have baby clinics anywhere near you? You can just turn up to one of those with him and ask to speak to the health visitor.

ChariotsofFish · 10/04/2019 22:02

My DS fell over loads at 20 months. I didn’t realise how unusual it was until I had my second. He turned out to be hyper mobile. If your health visitors are uncontactable, then go to your GP.

StillMedusa · 10/04/2019 22:29

Go to your GP and ask for a referral to the community paediatrician.. (some HVs are good, but some are useless so I'd bypass them)

It does sounds like he has some gross motor delays and might benefit from someone checking him over. Three of my four have hypermobility ( loose joints and low muscle tone) and they had physiotherapy when they were small. With two of them you'd never know there had been a problem now (the other has special needs and it was even more important to have early intervention)

Trust your instincts..if you are worried, don't be fobbed off!

Original poster
eclipse1808 · 11/04/2019 06:23

Thankyou everyone! Yes I remember i used to go get him weighed at a clinic close by, didn’t even think about turning up there!

OP posts:
Pythonesque · 11/04/2019 06:33

I agree that, while involvement of a good HV should be helpful, your concerns are well worth taking to your GP who should be able to judge the appropriate referral routes. Hope you can get some good support and reassurance.

DaisyDreaming · 11/04/2019 07:40

Like everyone else says you need a referral. I’m guessing when your son falls he doesn’t put out his hands? I’m not sure what age children develop that reflex, maybe they all haven’t at 20 months. I think you need to see a peadiatrican, my friends boy is under one for diagnosis but what really helped was finding an amazing occupational therapist and have a series of sessions with her, with lots of exercises to do at home but all disguised as play. It was the OT who picked up on all sorts of things including that he didn’t put his arms out when he fell which is why he hit his face more often than other kids. They were given an OT on the nhs but she was useless and dismissive so complete luck of the draw

Applesandpears23 · 11/04/2019 07:46

In addition to what everyone else has said a practical thing that may help is reins. My brother had developmental delay and I remember my mother using them with him, held tight from above so that when he tripped she caught him before he hit his head.

pilates · 11/04/2019 07:49

I would contact your GP and ask for a paediatric hospital referral. I think you would be wasting your time with health visitors.

Fatted · 11/04/2019 07:55

Go to the GP.

Where we live the HV service is abysmal. We live in an area of 'intensive' HV. What this should mean is every one gets regular check ups etc. What it really means is there are a handful who get all the attention and the ones whose children are OK get ignored. We don't actually have a HV at the moment. She found the job too stressful and packed it in.

Anything like that now I just go via the GP or now my youngest is in nursery at school, I go through them. They can refer for certain things. If you've already been through SS you could also give them a try.

whatsnewchoochoo · 11/04/2019 08:03

I would also go to the GP.

On a practical note, I'd probably use a cup with a straw build it (munchkin so good ones, mostly non leak too which helps)

This isn't your fault.

ReginaGeorgeous · 11/04/2019 08:05

Has your son had a hearing test lately? I don't mean the newborn hearing screening.
The reason I ask is because my daughter didn't speak until she was two. She was constantly in pain with her ears and I spent six months being fobbed off by GPs who would do a patronising head tilt and say "small children get lots of ear infections. It's probably a virus".

Long story short, I ended up going private for a second opinion and it turned out she had glue ear which needed treating with grommets. As soon as she had the surgery she started saying full sentences.
I'm not a medical expert by any stretch of the imagination, but I'm just wondering if your son's speech delays and balance could be caused by an inner ear condition?

kaytee87 · 11/04/2019 08:26

YY to going to GP and asking for a referral. I have a toddler and I appreciate there is a spectrum of normal. My toddler I think is average rather than advanced and I'd be concerned about most of the things you've said.
You're doing all the right things, this is not your fault Thanks

Original poster
eclipse1808 · 11/04/2019 08:33

Actually he does put his hands over his ears alot and puts his fingers in his ears too which i know is dangerous but can’t stop him from doing it. I just thought he was abit slow but I can see now everything is adding up to look like something a bit bigger than just catching up. Thankyou for reassuring me and helping me this site really is invaluable!

to PP, i have used reins in the past but when he falls and I use them to pull him up so he doesn’t hit the floor he would rather just be suspended in the air so does it on purpose so a 5 minute journey takes 15. If we’re going somewhere I’ve stopped trying to let him walk there because of the accidents so usually use the car or pushchair. It’s mainly when we’re out at the park / in the house / playing in the garden. I feel like i can’t ever relax and have to hover over him constantly to catch him.

I will ring my GP and see if I can get an appointment (not likely). Failing that the internet says the baby clinic is open tomorrow morning so I’ll probably start there and see if they will help me in the mean time

OP posts:
Original poster
eclipse1808 · 11/04/2019 08:34

Also I think I remember DPs mum telling me he had grommets as a child so that could be something!

OP posts:
AfterTrentham · 11/04/2019 08:35

I'm a GP and I'd refer your child to a paediatrician if you came in with this history. Go straight to the GP rather than wasting your energy trying to chase down the Health Visitor.

Original poster
eclipse1808 · 11/04/2019 08:40

Thankyou! I will give them a ring now and if no appointments tomorrow as well

OP posts:
AfterTrentham · 11/04/2019 08:50

@eclipse1808 As it's been going on a while, rather than being an acute loss of function, it's not necessarily urgent - if they can only offer you an appointment in 2 weeks time, accept that.