What to say? **Trigger Warning**

[NononoLimit]

A friend (not a close one) had to been TTC for years with their partner, suddenly she fell pregnant this year and her partner has now sent me a message to let us know they've lost the baby. It seems as though they are facing the news head on but I have no idea what to say.

What do you say? With my close friend I hugged them when I saw them, said how shit it was and we cried. I'm at a loss in this case but have known them years and need to say something.

"I am so sorry to hear your sad news. I hope everything works out in the future."

and maybe send some flowers or chocs?

Tell her how sorry you are to hear her sad news. Ask if she'd like to talk about it. Often those suffering baby loss feel hurt by friends not acknowledging it or avoiding them because it's awkward.

Don't say that you hope everything works out in future, I know there's no harm meant by it but it's bordering very close to "you can always try again".

Tell then you're very sorry for their loss and acknowledge how deeply unfair it is, say you're thinking of them.

"I am so sorry to hear your sad news. I hope everything works out in the future."

Please don’t say “I hope everything works out in the future”. I know this is mean to be kind and hopefully but just throws up that it hasn’t worked out now and it may well not work out.

I’d just stick with I’m very sorry for your loss and I’m thinking about you.

And don’t send chocolates

I'm so sorry to hear of your sad loss. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you or if you would like to talk.

This has just happened to me. It's helped me when people say they are sorry for our loss, are thinking of us and sending love.

My work colleagues sent an orchid which is very pretty but I got upset the other day thinking about when it dies and all the flowers fall off :(

This happened to me too, and a very simple ‘I’m sorry to hear the news, please let me know if there’s anything you need’ would be fine. I really appreciated those ‘checking in’ texts a few weeks later too as it often feels like everyone moves on very quickly when you’re still trying to process your feelings.

I lost a baby at 20wks
I would just say your sorry for their loss & that your thinking of them ,if they need anything even if its just a chat she knows your there.
I found it easier to talk to someone who i wasnt really close to.

VenusStarr I felt the same about flowers I was sent. Even worse was the potted plant someone else sent for us to plant in memory of our baby, I completely lost my shit that a plant was getting to grow by our baby didn't then when I inevitably accidentally killed it because I'm not at all green-fingered, I lost it all over again as I couldn't even keep a plant alive so what chance did a child have.

Plants and flowers are a dicey gift. Stay away from plants and flowers.

I'm so sorry for everyone who has been through the shit show that is miscarriage.

I had this with a friend though they hadn’t been ttc. I think I just said how shit it was and I was sending them love and when I saw her I gave the hugest hug ever.

I lost twins recently at 19 weeks. I found the flowers etc touching but honestly, just a card saying 'thinking of you' and a short but simple message inside is enough.

Thank you for your replies, I've kept it short and offered my support. I'll make sure to message again in a week or two. How shitty life can be