I'm at a crossroad in life with work and home... please help me find a solution.

[ThirtyRoad]

I'm 30 years old. I have a good job as a senior nurse and am well respected in my role.

I have a wonderful husband and a happy toddler.

I work part time, but an opportunity for further career progression is in the horizon. This will mean returning to full time if I accept.

My dilemma is this: when walking my child to nursery today, it was lovely not having to rush (today is one of my days off), we stopped to look at birds, pretend to be penguins (child's request, not mine ).

Having worked full time before, my whole life seemed to be rushing from A to B. I was knackered every day and felt like I couldn't give enough of myself anything.

Life is good at the moment, it's relatively slow paced and balanced. Surely, that is the goal, right? Except I enjoy being busy and challenged.

What do I do?

I'd say don't do it. As long at you're not financially struggling, a chilled out life with your children while they are going is fast more important than career progression.

Could you ask if they'd consider job share so you could take the promotion, but keep your current hours?

While they are young *

Thank you both. I know you're right, and it's probably the advice I'd give to someone in my position. I just can't help but feel something is missing. Maybe I'm just not used to feeling relaxed the majority of the time.

The role isn't suitable for job share unfortunately.

Would new role involve shift work? Do you plan to have any more children? If so moving up in your career now may be good in terms of mat pay and also for returning to work. Your life does sound like it has the right balance at the moment though!

Is new role also shift work? This would affect my decision making. I'm a HCP (older than you) and after reducing hours, have a much better life balance (do get bored though!).

No shift work, Monday - Friday 9-5.

I would have to put son in childcare for all of this though, as no family nearby to help.

I think a lot of us feel something is missing whatever we do. Especially when our DCs are still very little.

For now, if I were you, I'd stay part time even if that means not progressing with career as quickly. But there's so much time to work. You're 30 and have many years of work ahead of you. Your DC will appreciate having you for those hours more than your workplace will and you can catch up & go for promotions when they time is right.

I love picking my DC up from school 3 days a week it makes me so happy.

Minority report here...will you get this opportunity (or similar) again? If not then I’d take it with both hands (assuming you can get proper (ie not cobbled together with best intentions) childcare in place).

If you took the promotion, could your partner reduce his hours/work compressed hours to help with the childcare?

Going from PT shifts to M-F 9-5 will, I'm would say, equate to less balance. I'd enjoy this time, you've plenty of years ahead of you for career progression if you stay in the NHS.

Partner works annualised hours on a flexible working contract, so there is some room for flexibility with his hours.

Being completely honest, I think I know what the answer is: to stay as things are at the moment, but embarrassingly, and I hate to admit it, I think I'd feel jealous of the person that got the promotion if it isn't me. That's ridiculous, isn't it?

Why not apply for it then and see how you feel? If you are offered it but then decide to decline, well at least you know...

Ideally, I would like to make a decision prior rather than waste people's time, but I understand what you're saying.

I think I need to figure out what exactly I feel is missing.

Are you quite sure the job really couldn't be job shared or 3-4 days a week? Think laterally and find a solution, and offer it to them. I have a friend was in a similar position (not in NHS) and she suggested a slight change to the responsibilities with a 3 way share, part to a full time person who dealt with the incoming calls and was effectively the admin/continuity/main point of contact person, and 2 part timers who did the main work - her and another lady who wanted to reduce hours to care for an elderly relative who both worked 3 days a week

A few years ago I was very seriously ill, rushed into hospital, prognosis not clear. I had a great job I’d worked hard for years but all I could think of as I was in hospital was how much I was going to miss walking my youngest son to school. Such a simple thing but something which when I was up against it I realised I adored doing. Since then it’s taken me some years to recover but I work far fewer hours in a different role, have less money but wouldn’t change a thing. My life had become a journey on a high speed train I was zooming on but missing so much along the way.

Job share definitely not possible unfortunately. I've asked. It's a definite no.

Thank you, pp, for sharing your experience. That really resonates with me and helps put things into perspective.

I think go for it. Buy extra holidays if you can, get DH to use some flexibility, get a cleaner and get DH to do the supermarket shop online and some of the housework instead of you doing it all. If he will pull his weight you can do this and it will be great.