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Am I going nuts?

5 replies

R164dab · 10/04/2019 13:03

My husband says he can't tell me things because if he does I.e. That a dress I'm wearing looks nice, then I decide that I don't like it and stop wearing it.
Recently, I text him when he was at work and said I felt like I looked smart for a change as more often than not I'm in my scruffs (I was wearing my hair down, a bit of make up, jeans, vest top, jumper and boots). My husband has asked me not to tell him that I feel smart again because he says that I never look nice for him. Usually when we are together we are chilling on the sofa watching a film or I'm sorting the kids or cooking or whatever so I'm not dressed wonderfully but when we go out for dinner or on an odd weekend I try to look nice for him even if we are staying in.

I feel stifled. Am I being unreasonable thinking that he is out of order by telling me that I shouldn't tell him if I feel smart.

I know this sounds ridiculous but it's just another thing in a long list of things that upset him. He says he feels like I punish him. I'm so frustrated, no amount of explaining that if I decide I don't like a dress and he does, I'm not punishing him, I'm simply changing my mind. He just thinks that I'm out to upset him. 😩

OP posts:
MagicKeysToAsda · 10/04/2019 13:43

I am no expert but I would look into "coercive control" and see if any of it feels like it fits what's going on...

HowlsMovingBungalow · 10/04/2019 13:47

Is he from the

HowlsMovingBungalow · 10/04/2019 13:48

*1950s?

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R164dab · 10/04/2019 15:04

He's 41. He's always been a bit possessive but this kind of thing is fairly new. We have been together 20 years. I love him but I feel I'm walking in eggshells constantly

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 12/04/2019 11:22

I feel I'm walking in eggshells constantly

If you feel like this, then everything is not fine.

He sounds very controlling. Why should he care what you wear at all? He should care about if you're happy or not.

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