Can someone cheer me up please?

[LikeACowsOpinion]

I feel invisible at the moment.

Over the past 2 days I've sent 3 friends of mine texts - every single one of them has ignored me. One of the messages was me sending birthday wishes, not even a thank you.

I know people have their own lives and I don't expect an immediate reply but, honestly, who doesn't check their phone for 24-48 hours? These are young people too (who live their lives through the phone) so it's not as though they wouldn't have seen it.

My anxiety has hit an all time high recently, to the point my doctor happily gave me a prescription for Diazepam without any hesitation, so I'm unsure whether it's just my mind telling me that it's all my fault and these people don't like me or if that's actually the case.

My DM died 7 months ago and the people who crawled out from the woodwork and said they'd be there have all disappeared. In fact, the offers of help and support never materialised in the first place.

I feel like shit about the whole thing. I've never felt so alone; I'm in tears writing this due to how pathetic it sounds but the loneliness is awful.

I'm having a great big wallow at the moment and just need to know that I'm not invisible! So, if you could lend an grip ear, I'd really appreciate it.

Hello!!

Tell me something interesting about yourself!

Hello! You’re not invisible :0)
People can be busy or caught up in their own dramas, shame it’s probably all at this time. If the weather is nice, go out for a little walk - fresh air and looking at other things can clear your mind. Smile a bit, think of the important things you value in life.

Do you actually need specific help or are you just sad that it might have been lip service?

Ah @GreenTulips thank you for replying.

I'm not a very interesting person I'm afraid . The only 'interesting' thing I can think of is the fact I can do a Sudoku in just over 2 minutes.

God, no wonder people ignore me!

Well sudoku takes me longer

What do you do for fun

watch this - - never fails to make me smile

@IsThisSeeSawTaken I completely understand that. I think the fact they're not replying just proves that I've got nothing really going for me at the moment.

I have a wonderful DD and she is my life. Literally. I do everything with her - she goes to bed and I follow her shortly after. It's really sinking in at the minute that I have no actual life of my own and I think that's amplifying everything.

I don't need support, no - it's the fact it was lip service plus no one is even interested in how I'm doing. Including the people who know how traumatic DMs passing was.

I think the feelings surrounding my mum dying are bubbling at the surface and it's making everything worse.

can you join a club or group of similar interests? or maybe do some volunteering, that will definitely give you more of a sense of purpose

@GreenTulips I really enjoy playing a few rounds of golf. Plus, learning. I do lots of online course!

Do you have a pet? Would walkmydoggy or similar be of interest?
I have no friends but ddogs are very sociable when I need company!

Hello!

People really do sometimes suck. Sadly, for all sorts of reasons, they can go from perfectly wonderful to perfectly horrid in what seems like the blink of an eye.

I'm sorry about your DM. It sounds like the emotions are coming to the surface. It might be worth looking into some counselling.

I’m sorry to hear that your DM’s passing was unexpected and traumatic - any thoughts around that will be raw and painful for a very long time. It must be worse as you have a DD and there’s that mother-daughter magic that will remind you of mum. Please have faith that in time, you will start to remember much happier things about your mum while she was living, and the traumatic memories will feel less sharp.

The lack of replies does not in any way prove you have nothing going for you!

I was just about to settle down with a couple of extreme sudokus myself, having finished the ironing. That’s how interesting I am too!

Do you and your DD share any common interests or activities that you can do together and also by yourself, to a higher level eg craft / drawing / dance etc? It can be your way of achieving something for yourself while enjoying it with her.

@CabbageHippy I'm actually looking into some volunteering at my local charity shops at the moment, heard nothing back yet though.

@Chocolateisfab I would love a dog, but I have chronic pain so I wouldn't be able to give it the attention/time/exercise it needed. Wouldn't be fair on the dog. I do sometimes wonder whether there is somewhere I could go to cuddle one for a bit though!

Hi. Forget everyone else. Treat yourself with the respect you deserve. You are a VIP in your daughter's eyes so start too see it too.
Have you thought about grief counseling?
People/friends are well-meaning but once the initial event happens and they've expressed condolences I found that they tend to drift. Many don't know what do or say or just feel helpless. Some may also feel guilty for getting on with their own lives.
How old is your DD? If she's at school or nursery could you spend even on morning a week doing something just for you? An exercise class or maybe a morning browsing the local library? It really helped me to get out and about doing something I enjoyed.

Volunteering sounds great!

Sorry, pressed send too soon.

The golf is certainly something of interest. Is there a club or team you can join? How old is your daughter?

I think that sometimes w have to hunker down into our own immediate world. Not expect or ask anything of those around us. I've found that helps the healing and makes me stronger and get out again.

Ah Cowsopinion I see you. And I'm sorry to hear about your DM and also that you're going through this.

I think when you reach out to someone for anything you leave yourself a little vulnerable just in doing the act itself. I say for the good of your mental health, reign it in for a while. Don't text these people if it's a one way street it's a recipe for low self-esteem. They might just have other stuff going on. I'm currently having a month off replying to things as it's stressing me out. As much as I love my friends, I have nothing to give of myself, am knackered and as Thigh recently advised me I'm being a "woman who won't".

It sounds like you do have interests so I'd pursue them if you can find the time with DD. See your GP again to maybe try some grief counselling... find a way to honour yourself such as nice self-care and treats for you. You're worth so much more xxx

Volunteer at a school
Nothing likes kids to make your day

Have you heard of SPICE they may have a local group to you - it’s a friendship group not dating (although that happens) they do lots of activities you might enjoy

Thank you everyone for your replies. It really does mean a lot that you've answered my rambling.

DD is at school now but doing mornings only at the moment. It makes it tough to actually do anything without her, by the time I've gotten home and tidied up it's time to pick her up again.

My confidence is on the floor, I don't even feel like I could join a group/activity because of how low I am.

My DM and her death are definitely extremely raw at the moment, I'm suffering from PTSD due to the fact that she died very suddenly with no warning. She collapsed and died in my arms. It tortures me.

I suppose I want everyone to care and be as upset as I am. I see them carrying on their lives as normal and I just want to scream 'but what about DM?!'
I have just started bereavement counselling to help me unpick what happened and I was doing just fine before I began the sessions. Now I feel as though my counsellor has pulled at a thread and I'm unravelling. All I want is someone to be there to hold my hand I think

I feel like you do. But I also like that I don't have a false sense of what my life is actually like.

Hello OP. I’m 30 and lost my mum 6 years ago this year. It’s hard at the time, and whilst people mean well by saying “if there’s anything” often it’s just a thing that’s said rather than done.

You aren’t invisible. The counselling process sounds quite normal in that you will feel worse before you get better. It will get better though. Losing your mum is always going to hurt and you will always miss her but in time you will Be happy again. It won’t always feel like you are drowning in thoughts and memories, in time the happy memories will no longer bring you pain but will remind you of a happy time with your mum.

@namechangedbutneedadvice I think you're right about the no texting/replying for a while. Being ignored is definitely diminishing what little self-confidence I have left.

It's just a big mess at the moment. The more I talk on here, the more I realise it's probably nothing to do with no-one replying and everything to do with my DM. I can't seem to separate the problems though.

It hurts my head if I'm honest.

Hey, if you have mornings free could you try and do a weekly meet up or be really brave and organise one?

Btw I think completing sudoku at all is interesting - it totally defeats me

Agree with the PPs that say hunker down and avoid texting the same people again for now. Although I haven’t been through counselling, I have heard from several friends that the sessions can make you feel significantly worse as they force you to confront that which you might have defensively blocked out, and make you dig deep to see if there are any other old reasons that are causing you to react the way you did. Try your very best to continue with the counselling, I believe a good counsellor will help you deal with this and you will also learn how to deal with other issues.

There should be group activities where you can be a spectator at the back until you’re ready to participate? Maybe reading sessions at the children’s section in the library?

Gosh, you're all so lovely. I have tears in my eyes. Thank you for being so kind, it is appreciated more than you'll ever know 

I can't even remember what my life was like before DM died, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have cared about someone not replying so it's obviously a lot to do with what happened.
I compressed a lot of my emotions surrounding her death and the way I'm feeling now is clearly the result of not confronting them earlier.

I am going to look into some group activities. Especially ones that I can spectate at the back for a while - I hadn't even thought of that so thank you @IsThisSeeSawTaken

Glad to have been of use!

I just had a quick look online and found a website sudokuasateachingtool.org by someone who decided to teach basic sudoku to little children, I think that’s an excellent use of your skills once you feel more ready to face the world...

Prior to that, you might be able to find an animal rescue centre and see if you can combine the ‘charity shop volunteering’ with the ‘random dog cuddling’.

I’ve always found children and animals to be less suspicious, more loving and honest than grown ups, so it may be less anxiety-provoking to start learning to rebuild your trust of others through activities involving them. Good luck OP, I wish you well!