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Please help me with dd2

4 replies

witsendmummyof3 · 10/04/2019 08:35

NC for this. I'm at my wits end with dd2 who is 10.
She is bright, doing exceptionally well at school and is no trouble whatsoever there.
At home she's constantly whining, moaning, crying over every little thing and is horrible to her siblings and me, shouting at us all, hitting The others.
At her dad's she little miss perfect to the point dd1 who is 2 years older is fed up of the comments from dad's gf about how well behaved she is.
Today for example she's cried because I've told her to change out of dirty tights and put some different ones on. She claims the others don't fit but they do. She was wailing away like the world was about to end.
She lost her tablet back in October due to this constant whining over every little thing on the understanding that when she stops being horrible to get siblings and stops whining she can have it back.
I've asked her why she's behaving like this and I just get a shrug and don't know.
At dad's she barely sees him as he chooses to work rather than being there. She spends most of her time gaming. There is no gaming here as it negatively affects her behaviour resulting in meltdowns when she's told time is up.
We have plenty of time together, chat on the way to and from school, eat every meal be lunch together, spend time together in the evenings. She has plenty of positive attention.
What can I do to help her? We can't go on like this. SS were involved at one point due to their dad being abusive towards me and making malicious reports. They gave both dd some sessions to talk through their feelings which they hated and didn't find helpful. SS are not interested in getting involved again as see no role with the family. GP?

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witsendmummyof3 · 10/04/2019 08:45

For completeness dad left when she was 4 for ow who had 3 kids and quickly had 2 more with her. So there's 9 people in a 3 bed terrace when they are there. It sounds quite chaotic from what DD's tell me. Ds is from my subsequent relationship after their dad but I'm a single parent. She adores her little brother but vacillates between loving him and being horrible.

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Teagoanngoanngoann · 10/04/2019 08:53

Is this behaviour new or has she always been like this? If its new im wondering if it could be hormonal. If not it sounds like attention seeking behaviour. The fact that she can turn it on and off when at yours or Dads suggests its more attention seeking but maybe she feels more at home in your house and able to let go if her hormonal outbursts. I would try engaging in non contact while she is acting out. Explain 1st that you love her but dont like her behaviour when she does X Y Z and while she behaves this way you will not engage then ignore, ignore, ignore. Loads of praise, treats, cuddles etc while being good or even normal and silent while being a brat. Might be an idea to keep a diary to see if her behaviour gets worse at a certain time every month. If anything try and take it as a compliment that she feels so comfy at your house that she can unleash her feelings. She may be bottling them up at Dads as she cant show SM how she really feels causing you to get double the backlash when shes home. Puberty can be a horrible time....for everyone! Good luck!

witsendmummyof3 · 10/04/2019 08:55

It's been for the last 2 years really. Dad's gf's eldest is a whiner too and drives my eldest demented.

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witsendmummyof3 · 10/04/2019 16:49

Bumping with hope of more ideas.

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